Dr. Stevenstein Von Haat-Hait (OC squibbait)

[hatsarebad]

A rather bewildered looking man appears in the great hall, clutching a strange device.  Before anyone can get a good look at it, he pockets it.  "What sort of headware induced trickery is this?!" he roars, looking around.  Picking up the blank application, he mumbles something to himself and starts filling it out with a sinister looking pen.

1. What

Comments

[carri3_whit3]

In a festive mood as she made her plans for the New Year's party, Carrie had popped on the black hat Mort Rainey gave her at his Sorting, to top off the black-and-white check day dress she had on. Thus attired, she wandered into the Sorting Room to meet the newest applicant.

"Hey," she said with a wave. "This don't make a lotta sense t'me. How's mad science any dif'rent from reg'lar science?"

((If called for, is it okay if Carrie uses her telekinesis on Dr. Von H-H?))

[hatsarebad]

"It is all about the anger! Mad scientists are all really, really angry at something. Why, I had a friend, mad scientist too, he was angry at himself! Made a ray gun to destroy the entire world, except himself, so that he'd die in space. Funny guy. Some superhero stopped him, though. Probably a good idea."

"HOLY FISH-NET STOCKINGS. You're wearing a hat! And it's a class B! Don't worry, I'll save you!" he yelled, reaching for her hat.

((Sure thing.))

[carri3_whit3]

"YEEP!" Carrie jumped backward and telekinetically flung her hat behind her, out of the crazy man's reach. "Great hoppin' fleas, what is the matter with you?! It's called personal space for a reason!"

[hatsarebad]

"Good! It's fleeing, so I think you're safe now. I'm sorry about that, but that was a class B danger hat! Over 90% of that type of hat has been infected! It is not safe to wear it! Not safe, I say! Not. Safe." he said, getting uncomfortably close to Carrie.

[carri3_whit3]

"Sir. I will not say this again. Step. Back." She frowned. The man smelled...peculiar.

[hatsarebad]

Yes, that would be a good idea, especially after you were possessed by a hat. There could still be remnants of the hat's psychic tendrils. If they sensed my presence, they would start thrashing in fear, possibly tearing you in half. But don't worry, I'll keep my distance until they completely dissolve!

[carri3_whit3]

"...Okay!" She tried to subdue the mild panic rising in her. "So, um...how'd you figure out this whole 'hats are bad' thing, anyway?"

[hatsarebad]

"When I was just a baby, my entire family was devoured by mutant hats before my very baby eyes! Ever since then, those mutant hats have been infecting other hats with their evil, giving them mind control powers! I am the lone warrior against them, and despite my incredibly awesome efforts, at least 70% of the headware population is infected. I have fought the original mutant hats, but one remains...their leader..." It was at this point that Dr. Von Haat-Hait started to cry. "I'm sorry, but I can't speak his name."

[carri3_whit3]

"There, there..." Carrie was acutely uncomfortable with the strange man's tears. She started to pat his shoulder, but couldn't quite bring herself to do it.

"This is a magic school, an' there's a no-kill spell on the castle. I'm sure you'll be perfectly safe from, ah - mutant hats - here."

[hatsarebad]

I wish that were true. I really, deeply do. Sadly, their leader is beyond magic. My dearest, closest friend was an intensely powerful wizard. He faced their leader, and fell. You see, he gains his power from the hats he infects. At his current strength, not even an atomic blast could injure him...

...wait, this is a school?

[carri3_whit3]

"Yessir, 'tis. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft an' Wizardry. Is that not where you meant t'be? Happens t'lots of people."

[hatsarebad]

"This could be used to my advantage! With the combined forces of magic and science, I may be able to finally defeat their leader...Voldehatmort!" Having said the name, he started to sob loudly.

[carri3_whit3]

"...I s'pose so, but I don't think magic an' science really get on together all that well." This guy was really weirding Carrie out. And she had a high weird threshold.

[hatsarebad]

He continued to cry, either ignoring what she said or unable to hear it over his own howls.

[carri3_whit3]

"Oh, please don't cry." She was beginning to dither. She hated to dither.

"Let's - let's talk about somethin' else. What kinds'a things've you invented?"

[hatsarebad]

Wiping away his tears, he responded very quietly. "I invented a couch that conforms to the user's butt before they even sit down."