Adjusting to mortality ((closed RP, Death, Castiel))

[endlessgoth]

Newly mortal thanks to a temporal spell going a little awry, Death left Sakon and Ukon with a wave and a smile. They were cute and she was utterly charmed by the brash little puppet and the shy puppetmaster

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[endlessgoth]

It had been a fairly good day in Death’s estimation, despite being caught in a spell that rendered her mortal well ahead of her usual schedule. She, Castiel and the newly named Henry left the courtyard for Ravenclaw where she finally tried alcohol as a mortal. Spending time with hunters who seemed to favor the stuff had only increased her curiosity about it and what it felt like. The beer left her with a slightly fuzzy, but pleasant sort of feeling. She quit after only one, not wanting to risk any sort of hangover after having nursed Castiel through a particularly brutal one only a short time ago.

That evening, once the little penguin had been settled in for the night, the couple tumbled towards the bed in a now comfortable ritual of exchanging caresses and soft delighted sounds made in the dark. They had made love at length before finally collapsing, panting and content into each other’s arms.

Death smiled drowsily as Castiel tucked her in close against his side, wondering if it was like this for most mortals. She hoped it was. As her eyes slipped shut, a nagging thought began to form in the back of her mind. Distractedly, she tried to ignore it; but she couldn’t escape the feeling that she was forgetting something very important.

Some time in the middle of the night, the thought finally struck her and she woke to a wave of panic. Death sat bolt upright, her dark eyes wide with alarm. She was mortal. She was mortal and they hadn’t been careful.

“Oh God.”

[nerdofthelord]

Castiel's feet hit the floor and his blade was in his hand before she'd completed the phrase. "What's wrong?" he asked, scanning the room only a little blearily.

When neither his human or more esoteric senses registered a threat, he lowered the weapon and turned to look at Death, a bit confused. "Are you all right?" And as another thought occurred to him, "Did you have a nightmare?"

[endlessgoth]

"Nightmare?" she blinked at him, momentarily startled out of her panic. Dream wasn't that careless, or that stupid. Sending nightmares to his kin would be considered an aggressive move, and they had finally reached an uneasy truce again after Morpheus' death.

"I.. no. No, that's not it." Panic was threatening to overwhelm her again and she forced herself to take a deep breath. Her hands twisted into the blanket, torn between fear and irritation at herself. This wasn't her first time being mortal. She should have known better.

"Guys, I'm mortal. We weren't careful. I'm mortal and I forgot," she said softly.

[nerdofthelord]

Oh. Of course not, that had been a stupid question.

Cas frowned at her for a moment, mildly addled both with sleep and adrenaline, before it occurred to him what she was talking about. When it did, his own eyes widened and he sat down suddenly on the bed, setting his weapon aside and staring at her. "Oh."

For a few seconds, he foundered. Sex education, for him, had consisted of a rather vague and flowery acclamation of the elegance of God's designs and the admonition, Don't. What practical information he had was picked up mainly in passing from listening to the hunters, and most of that (when it wasn't decidedly off-color) had never delved into essential details they all seemed to understand implicitly.

In short, he had no idea how likely it was that their carelessness would have consequences, or how long it would be before they could be sure it hadn't. And not the foggiest notion what to do if it did.

He realized he was on the verge of panic, and that wouldn't help. All right. Calm down, Cas. This could be very serious, but until they'd both gotten over the first shock neither of them was going to be thinking very clearly.

He drew a deep breath, let it out slowly and reached for her hand. "We. We forgot. It takes two of us to make a mistake like that. But it's done, so there's no sense dwelling on it." Feeling utterly out of his depth, he shook his head slightly, anxiously searching her face. "Do you...feel any different? I," he shrugged helplessly, "I don't know how mortals...how would we know?"

[endlessgoth]

While Death had been present at every birth, as far as the details that came inbetween; she didn’t have the slightest idea how it was supposed to work. Her previous experiences with mortality only lasted a day, leaving her at a complete loss.

Now questions about mortality, sex, and what happened when you got careless pertained specifically to them and neither one had the slightest idea what they were doing. Panic fluttered in her chest, and she took a deep breath, trying to tamp down on her alarm. Castiel was right. There was no sense in dwelling on what had happened.

Her eyes lost their focus and she thought, trying to assess if anything did feel different. “I don’t know, I don’t think so. I’ve never.. been mortal longer than a day. I don’t..” her voice was shaking. She closed her eyes and tried to take another deep breath, gripping his hand. “I don’t know how any of this works.”

Details. Focus on the smaller details first. Don’t worry about the bigger picture just yet. Get through tonight, and then worry about the next day. Death leaned close to Castiel, both drawing and offering comfort from the close contact.

“I can try and prolong the spell if I need to, stay mortal until we know." That would be tricky enough, but it was a problem she could focus on, something that she understood.

[nerdofthelord]

He wrapped her close in his arms and tucked her head under his chin. "That would probably be wise. In the morning we'll try to find out as much as we can about...these things."

Some questions, he knew, would not have ready answers; they could learn everything there was to know about human procreation, and it still wouldn't tell them what to expect in these unique circumstances. But it would be a place to start, at least.

As much as part of him wanted to, he would not be taking this concern to Dean or the others. At least not until they knew, one way or the other. Chagrin aside, they would simply worry to no purpose. (Well. Sam and Bobby would worry. Dean would tease them mercilessly, and that...was something he did not need to deal with right now.)

"Don't be afraid," he told her, combing his fingers through her beautiful dark hair and rocking them gently back and forth. "This may all come to nothing. And if it doesn't..."

Well. If it did come to something, there would be danger--to her, especially--and uncertainty, and all manner of complications, some of them perhaps painful. And even yet...

"It isn't some terrible thing we're talking about," he murmured. "Not some plague to be set upon the land. It's life. And we'll figure out what to do together."

[endlessgoth]

During the vast span of her existence, Death had never really been afraid. She had never had a reason to be. But this.. frightened her deeply. It was possible for an Endless to, well.. both Daniel and Orpheus were evidence of that. And if Daniel had..

No. No, she wouldn’t jump ahead like that. It had barely been a few hours. They still didn’t know anything and likely wouldn’t for awhile. And Castiel was right. This could all wind up being a false alarm. Death leaned into his embrace, closing her eyes as he gently stroked her hair, soothed by both his words and his touch. They had figured out the subtle nuances of a love affair together. They could figure this out as well, regardless of the outcome.

Another slow, indrawn breath. While what they faced was frightening, it wasn’t terrible. It was life. Humans faced this situation all the time and managed just fine. “No,” she agreed. “You’re right. We’ll start tomorrow.”

They settled themselves back into bed, huddling under the warmth of the blanket. Death pillowed her head on his shoulder and tried to go back to sleep, but it was a long time coming.

[nerdofthelord]

A long time for both of them. Though he'd picked up the knack of getting to sleep when he wanted to, it still didn't come effortlessly, and achieving the necessary state of calm was difficult right now, to say the least.

As much as he'd said they shouldn't dwell on the mistake, it really was an inexcusable lapse in judgement, particularly on his part. Death had never had a reason to concern herself with such things; it was understandable that she simply wouldn't think of it, but he? Had been warned in the strictest possible terms, along with the rest of the Host, after certain of his brothers had gone around thoughtlessly fathering Nephilim left and right many centuries before. And he'd given Jimmy his word, a matter of weeks ago. If a conception had occurred, the responsibility lay mostly with him.

It was the broken promise that bothered him more than the breach of Heavenly law. None of the angels responsible for that ancient debacle had really cared about the women they had used or the offspring they left behind, and he had no intention of behaving so dishonorably, if it came to that. But if a child did come, it would be Jimmy's by blood, a brother or sister to young Claire. That was not a trivial matter, and not a choice he would intentionally have made for the man. He was not looking forward to breaking that news to Jimmy, if it proved necessary to do so.

And then there was the matter of Death's mortal state and whether it would be possible to extend the spell as long as needed, whether it would be safe either for her or for her realm to try, what danger it might pose to the child if she was forced to resume her normal state...all the possible pitfalls made his head spin.

That was assuming, of course, that Death decided to go through with it at all. He knew that human women sometimes didn't, and while it was difficult and heart-wrenching to try to wrap his mind around the idea, he also knew that he wouldn't try to insist that she put herself through such an ordeal if she chose otherwise.

He found himself hoping, though, that if...if it happened, she would not make such a choice. When he'd played through the worst of the nightmare scenarios in his head, it was that thought that finally helped him to find a semblance of calm.

If it didn't all go wrong, he thought, tentatively trying to picture what it might be like; if they could make it past any complications and bring a new life safely into being. To see her heavy with his child, and to hold the little one in his arms...that would be a miracle.

The images were hazy and half-formed, no more than a wistful what-if at best, but he found quiet enough in them well into the morning hours that he could doze a while, keeping her close and secure beside him.

[endlessgoth]

She stirred to wakefulness with a small frown. Her visit to Dream in his realm had been a less than productive one. Daniel had been angry, but not entirely unsympathetic. He also had little to offer them in the way of advice. To her extreme annoyance, Daniel was also quick to point out a dizzying and frightening number of potential complications and dangers to all of them if, if they had concieved. None of which was particularly helpful.

Still. If they could make it through all of the potential obstacles and dangers, and if they had really kindled a new life.. a little one with wide, blue eyes and those serene smiles she adored. Death smiled faintly, curling closer to Castiel and his warmth. It was a vage, wistful sort of thought, but if she focused on that instead of the potential dangers, the anxious knot in her chest started to loosen.

They went about their normal morning routine before calling for a house elf to bring them a bit of breakfast, with the addition of a few mackerel for the little penguin. The night’s worry had played hell with her appetite, and Death only picked at the food that had been brought. She continued to flip through a book the house elf had brought up, outlining basic dos and don’ts for mortal women who had concieved. A moment’s carelessness had caused this worry, and she wasn’t about to repeat her mistake. Which meant forgoing her beloved morning coffee until they knew, one way or the other. Death looked a little wistfully at the mug on the desk and rubbed at the gradual tightening across her forehead.

“Maybe we can have one of the elves bring up more books? This.. I don’t even know if this applies to us,” she said helplessly. She was mortal, but was she human? Would it be enough for her to?

There were still so many unknown variables. But who to ask?

[nerdofthelord]

It worried him somewhat that she didn't eat, but he left it alone for the moment. Missing one breakfast was unlikely to hurt her, he judged. (Or...them.) If it went on like that for long...well, he'd already caught himself hovering a couple of times and was trying his best to shut down the impulse, having no desire to become a nag, but at some point he'd have to say something.

"I'm sure there are other in the library," he said, frowning a bit and reaching out to smooth her hair back from her face. "The essential chemistry shouldn't be too different, I'd think." But it wasn't really on the physical plane that the potential problems lay. There was a complex interplay of energies at work on a metaphysical level that could have any number of unexpected side effects, and as far as he knew there'd never been a coupling like theirs before to look to as precedent. And he was no expert on even the slightly less complicated incidents that had taken place. He'd steered well cleared of the Nephilim debacle and hadn't known any of the angels involved.

If anyone at Hogwarts' might have more information on such matters, though...he sighed.

"I suppose," he said, somewhat reluctantly, "we could ask Gabriel whether he knows anything." The archangel had been running around the material plane for ages and had, by all indications, denied himself no Earthly pleasure imaginable. He'd also dallied with at least one other major power that Cas was aware of. He certainly must have a better grasp of these matters than either of them did, even if he'd never made the same mistake they just had.

But Cas really, really wasn't looking forward to asking him about it.

[endlessgoth]

He was hovering, a little, but she didn’t mind. If he was close, she could keep her thoughts occupied and not stuck in some worrisome cycle of what-ifs and the multitude of ways that things could go wrong for them. New life was a serious enough matter for a mortal, never mind an angel and a transformed personification. But as long as Castiel was with her and he was calm, she could be as well. Dwelling on her fear wasn’t going to serve any productive purpose.

“The book says it might be a couple of weeks before we know anything,” she said slowly. Weeks. That was a long time to try and extend the spell, and an even longer time to be left wondering. “I think I can prolong the effects of the spell that long.” Her sigil would grant her the necessary power to continue the odd temporal bend that surrounded her, keeping her from reverting to normal.

Death looked surprised at the mention of Gabriel. It made sense… provided they could wrangle a straight answer out of the archangel. He had been all over, and his penchant for hedonism was legendary in most immortal circles. Even if he hadn’t made the same mistake, (and provided Castiel could get his older brother to focus) he might be able to help them.

“If you think you can get an answer out of him,” she said finally.

[nerdofthelord]

A few weeks had never felt like such a long time to him before. And that was just until they had an answer. What were they going to do if it was the answer they feared?

He shook his head slightly. "I can only try." Gabriel was capable of taking things seriously...when there was an Apocalypse in progress and he was trapped in a circle of holy fire. Whether he'd do the same for a younger brother who'd committed an act of irresponsible stupidity, well, there was only one way to find out. "At the moment, I haven't got any better ideas."

[endlessgoth]

She nodded, trying desperately to tamp down on a fresh swell of anxiety. There had to be some way for her to get a handle on this - both of them. They couldn't spend the next couple of weeks trapped in a haze of fear and anxious waiting. She also couldn't spend that time hiding her mortality.

"It's worth a try. He might at least have an idea on what we should do."

Death wrapped her arms around him, sighing quietly. "What are we going to tell the others? Should we? They're probably going to wonder why I'm not exactly, you know, normal."

[nerdofthelord]

He kissed her hair, holding her close and debating. "If they ask, tell them the truth about the spell going wrong. If they offer to help try to reverse it," and they might, Bobby in particular, "say that you've got some business to attend to first that can best be dealt with as a mortal." It was at least a half-truth, and shouldn't worry their friends overmuch.

"If it turns out that we have real news, well, of course we'll tell them." He had no doubt that the hunters, once the obligatory round of 'Idjits!' and 'No way, seriously? Dude!' and 'What the hell were you thinking?' was out of the way, would do anything that they could to help.

[endlessgoth]

If.

That word was going to be a constant presence hovering over them for some time. She closed her eyes, leaning into his embrace. Fear of the unknown was gradually being overtaken by a much warmer feeling and Death let it wash over her. She loved him and as long as Castiel was there to face an uncertain future with her, they could do this.

“You’re right. There’s no sense in worrying them too.”

"And we'll, um, have to figure out how to be, careful." Just incase.