bad hofnarr, bad bad hofnarr....
ok, ok, so i've been really horrible lately on keeping this thing up. I've been really internet shy lately, not checking e-mail, not updating or even checking my friends list here... kinda just been hiding from the world in general for the last month or more.
No guarantee that i'm going to stop, but i'll at least do a quick update.
Went to california for a week and a half back in august. It was WONDERFUL, i had an amazing time and got to see everyone i wanted to, which was lovely. My first and last nights back everyone got together in one big group, which made me feel REALLY special because that doesn't happen anymore. One big group that is. To much drama and what not in Sun-Land. So seeing everyone together was nice, though a bit spooky. They were all in the same room, they were not together. you know?
Yeah, so that was lovely and weird. Got good quality time with Jefe and the lovely Anastasia. Spent lots of time with the Mom as well which was very cool. I got to get stoned with her and her group of lady friends, which was a total moment for me. For a good part of my upbringing i would watch the adults "go in the other room" while they plopped me down in front of the tv usually to watch The Empire Strikes Back or The Last Starfighter. As i sat there watching my movie a wonderful herbal smell would occasionally waft its way to my nostrills from the other room. I remember one time sneaking to the edge of that room and looking in. I saw my mom, and her friends, all sitting 'round a table with one of those danish cookie tins at the center of their attention. And not one of those shallow tins, i mean the really big deep ones. The cover was off and i could see it was filled with a green leafy substance that they were rolling into cigarettes. It wasn't very long before i figured out what was going on.
So yeah, i always felt kind of left out when this would happen. I wanted to hang with the big people, and smell more of that lovely green leafy smell. So 17 years later i finally got to stay. I kicked it with my mom and her friends, and one of their houses, and they proceded to get me so stoned i could barely walk. I had kind of quit smoking for a while, due to lack of funds, and all of a sudden i was trying to keep up with four 50somethings smoking kind-bud out of bongs. Needless to say i don't really remeber much about the rest of that day. But oh it felt good to not have to go watch tv in the other room.
Things with kalichan have been good. A little up and downy from time to time, but all in all good. Its hard living in a small place together, but i think we're both doing ok with it. I'm still looking forward to having my own place again, but in the interim this really isn't bad.
The weather is starting to get colder. I fear the winter is near. I don't know how i'm going to last through another experience with the waste-land. I'm scared, deeply deeply scared. Last winter was supposedly mild, and it damn near kicked my ass. What if this winter is a "real" one? Yeah, did i mention scared? oh well, what will happen will happen. If all else fails i'll just go nuts and get myself commited until spring. Let them dope me up with thorazine and put me in a padded cell until it gets nice out again.
13 days ago i started taking Zyban. This is an antidepressant (same shit as welbutrin) that they give to people to help them quit smoking. It also makes you feel very very funny. Its is a strange drug, and one i'm not to fond of. Luckily i've had lots of experience handling myself while altered, so its really not that bad. But the good thing is that i quit smoking three days ago. Its now been 63 hours since i had a cigarette, and already the battle is getting easier. Yesterday was hard... gods was it hard, but it was doable. I stay on the zyban for another three weeks, then i have to stay quit without the help of the wonder-drug. Hopefully by then i'll be used to being a non-smoker and it won't be a problem. We shall see.
I'm still working the hollywood video job. Getting lots more hours than i was, but i'm still not making any money. I havn't heard back from my ML contacts, so i don't know what's up with that. All my shit is still in storage, and may stay there, i'm really not sure yet. I don't want to crowd up this apartment with my crap, but i also don't want to keep spending 50 bucks a month. Maybe i can downsize to a smaller storage thing.
And all of a sudden i actually have more stuff. Five years ago i became homeless. That state eventually led to me hitchiking across the country for a while, which lead to me moving to NYC. Durring all of that i boxed up my crap and gave it to a friend of mine to store and then ship to me when i settled down. When i got my own place in NYC she was kind enough to ship me my stuff. When i got it it seemed as if there was to little. Like things were missing. I asked her to check, and she did, and couldn't find anything else. Then she moved a few times, and so did i. Eventually she made a big move, getting ready to leave state. While packing for that move she came across two boxes that were not hers. They were my old missing boxes. So four years and a few moves later, she still had my stuff. She left it at her parents house and continued on with her move. For the last year those two boxes have sat at her parents house. I had full intentions of picking them up next time i made it to Fungus Corners, but alas could never make it.
Well, her parents got sick of looking at it and so packed it up for shipping and sent it off to me. I got it two days ago. It was like a fucking time machine. I havn't seen this stuff in 5 years!!! Books i thought lost forever (some of which i'd replaced), framed pictures, my old leather dice bag, a t-shirt, some towels, a few mugs and bowels... various detritus of a long ago life. I can't wait to use the shot glasses. :-) So yeah, that was weird and wonderful and sad all at the same time. I think the old sheets were the funniest. Black (of course) and with traces of hair still stuck to them. I'm still trying to figure out who the hairs belonged to. I'm thinking Katie, but i'm really not sure. ::laughs:: strangeness indeed.
Tonight the lady and i are having dinner then going and seeing Dave Barry speak live. I've loved mr Barry for a very long time, my brother and mom and i would sit on the couch together and read him outloud until we were laughing to hard to continue, then we'd pass the book to whomever was next and they'd do the same. This was back in california, when we were all on relatively good terms... so lets say, oh, 14 years ago or so. So yeah, i'm definately looking forward to tonight. Even if i do have to lug up that goddamn hill.
Thats all i can think of currently. The urge to smoke a cigarette just came and sat on my head once more. So i'm gonna go hit the pipe and let the green herb take away some of my anxiety, and play with my gold dollar coin that i'm using to keep my hands busy. and pace. Lots and lots of pacing these days. Wish me strength and willpower everyone, i fucking need it.
No guarantee that i'm going to stop, but i'll at least do a quick update.
Went to california for a week and a half back in august. It was WONDERFUL, i had an amazing time and got to see everyone i wanted to, which was lovely. My first and last nights back everyone got together in one big group, which made me feel REALLY special because that doesn't happen anymore. One big group that is. To much drama and what not in Sun-Land. So seeing everyone together was nice, though a bit spooky. They were all in the same room, they were not together. you know?
Yeah, so that was lovely and weird. Got good quality time with Jefe and the lovely Anastasia. Spent lots of time with the Mom as well which was very cool. I got to get stoned with her and her group of lady friends, which was a total moment for me. For a good part of my upbringing i would watch the adults "go in the other room" while they plopped me down in front of the tv usually to watch The Empire Strikes Back or The Last Starfighter. As i sat there watching my movie a wonderful herbal smell would occasionally waft its way to my nostrills from the other room. I remember one time sneaking to the edge of that room and looking in. I saw my mom, and her friends, all sitting 'round a table with one of those danish cookie tins at the center of their attention. And not one of those shallow tins, i mean the really big deep ones. The cover was off and i could see it was filled with a green leafy substance that they were rolling into cigarettes. It wasn't very long before i figured out what was going on.
So yeah, i always felt kind of left out when this would happen. I wanted to hang with the big people, and smell more of that lovely green leafy smell. So 17 years later i finally got to stay. I kicked it with my mom and her friends, and one of their houses, and they proceded to get me so stoned i could barely walk. I had kind of quit smoking for a while, due to lack of funds, and all of a sudden i was trying to keep up with four 50somethings smoking kind-bud out of bongs. Needless to say i don't really remeber much about the rest of that day. But oh it felt good to not have to go watch tv in the other room.
Things with kalichan have been good. A little up and downy from time to time, but all in all good. Its hard living in a small place together, but i think we're both doing ok with it. I'm still looking forward to having my own place again, but in the interim this really isn't bad.
The weather is starting to get colder. I fear the winter is near. I don't know how i'm going to last through another experience with the waste-land. I'm scared, deeply deeply scared. Last winter was supposedly mild, and it damn near kicked my ass. What if this winter is a "real" one? Yeah, did i mention scared? oh well, what will happen will happen. If all else fails i'll just go nuts and get myself commited until spring. Let them dope me up with thorazine and put me in a padded cell until it gets nice out again.
13 days ago i started taking Zyban. This is an antidepressant (same shit as welbutrin) that they give to people to help them quit smoking. It also makes you feel very very funny. Its is a strange drug, and one i'm not to fond of. Luckily i've had lots of experience handling myself while altered, so its really not that bad. But the good thing is that i quit smoking three days ago. Its now been 63 hours since i had a cigarette, and already the battle is getting easier. Yesterday was hard... gods was it hard, but it was doable. I stay on the zyban for another three weeks, then i have to stay quit without the help of the wonder-drug. Hopefully by then i'll be used to being a non-smoker and it won't be a problem. We shall see.
I'm still working the hollywood video job. Getting lots more hours than i was, but i'm still not making any money. I havn't heard back from my ML contacts, so i don't know what's up with that. All my shit is still in storage, and may stay there, i'm really not sure yet. I don't want to crowd up this apartment with my crap, but i also don't want to keep spending 50 bucks a month. Maybe i can downsize to a smaller storage thing.
And all of a sudden i actually have more stuff. Five years ago i became homeless. That state eventually led to me hitchiking across the country for a while, which lead to me moving to NYC. Durring all of that i boxed up my crap and gave it to a friend of mine to store and then ship to me when i settled down. When i got my own place in NYC she was kind enough to ship me my stuff. When i got it it seemed as if there was to little. Like things were missing. I asked her to check, and she did, and couldn't find anything else. Then she moved a few times, and so did i. Eventually she made a big move, getting ready to leave state. While packing for that move she came across two boxes that were not hers. They were my old missing boxes. So four years and a few moves later, she still had my stuff. She left it at her parents house and continued on with her move. For the last year those two boxes have sat at her parents house. I had full intentions of picking them up next time i made it to Fungus Corners, but alas could never make it.
Well, her parents got sick of looking at it and so packed it up for shipping and sent it off to me. I got it two days ago. It was like a fucking time machine. I havn't seen this stuff in 5 years!!! Books i thought lost forever (some of which i'd replaced), framed pictures, my old leather dice bag, a t-shirt, some towels, a few mugs and bowels... various detritus of a long ago life. I can't wait to use the shot glasses. :-) So yeah, that was weird and wonderful and sad all at the same time. I think the old sheets were the funniest. Black (of course) and with traces of hair still stuck to them. I'm still trying to figure out who the hairs belonged to. I'm thinking Katie, but i'm really not sure. ::laughs:: strangeness indeed.
Tonight the lady and i are having dinner then going and seeing Dave Barry speak live. I've loved mr Barry for a very long time, my brother and mom and i would sit on the couch together and read him outloud until we were laughing to hard to continue, then we'd pass the book to whomever was next and they'd do the same. This was back in california, when we were all on relatively good terms... so lets say, oh, 14 years ago or so. So yeah, i'm definately looking forward to tonight. Even if i do have to lug up that goddamn hill.
Thats all i can think of currently. The urge to smoke a cigarette just came and sat on my head once more. So i'm gonna go hit the pipe and let the green herb take away some of my anxiety, and play with my gold dollar coin that i'm using to keep my hands busy. and pace. Lots and lots of pacing these days. Wish me strength and willpower everyone, i fucking need it.