(no subject)
So what is so wrong with me that I am the girl that guys are willing to screw around with for months, hell even years, at a time, but when it comes to a commitment I am just not in the pictures and am the one that gets thrown to the side as soon as they meet a girl they do see a commitment with? I mean seriously. I am so sick of this. First Sean, then Brian for 2 whole years, then Richie (but i wont lie he was just a boy toy on my end as well), and now Adam for 4 1/2 months. what is so wrong with me that they never choose me in the end?
Yep, had my heart broken yet again. Adam apparently ran into a girl he's known for a while a couple weeks ago and informed me tonight that he and that girl are now dating/going out. Hence he and I are no longer what we were. I am going to attempt the friends thing, but I got the feeling from him he's being real leery. I dont know if he thinks that I cant do the friends thing or what. But I would like to try. I mean we did become good friends over the last 4 1/2 months.
Granted we werent officially dating, but we were faithful to each other and spent a hell of alot of time together and talking to each other. And there was a serious connection. He even told me that he's never clicked with someone like he did with me and that had he known we had this much in common when we were in high school he would have made the attempt to hang out with me sooner.
But yet again - i'm the one left on the sideline watching the guy I care about walk off with another girl. what does she have that I dont have that makes her the one they are willing to do the relationship with and willing to actually commit to? What is it about me that screams dont have a relationship with her she's only good for a fun time either long term or short term? Hence this is why I feel I am destined to never get married. This repeatedly happens to me. First it was with The Bad Boys, now the trait repeats with really nice and genuinely honest and good hearted guy. I thought that me being the one left behind was something that would end when I gave up the bad boys and boys that needed to be fixed. But apparently not. Apparently there is something else that needs to be changed about the guys I pick that will cause that train to finally disappear.
I am just going to become more of a bitch i think. instead of being used its time for me to go back to being the user. In college I ran the show, I pulled the strings. Then I met Sean and let my heart finally get involved and that was the end.
I think its time to go back to pulling the strings for a while. If anything for my self-esteem I need it.
thank god Florida is only 6 days away. I need a break from my life right now.
Yep, had my heart broken yet again. Adam apparently ran into a girl he's known for a while a couple weeks ago and informed me tonight that he and that girl are now dating/going out. Hence he and I are no longer what we were. I am going to attempt the friends thing, but I got the feeling from him he's being real leery. I dont know if he thinks that I cant do the friends thing or what. But I would like to try. I mean we did become good friends over the last 4 1/2 months.
Granted we werent officially dating, but we were faithful to each other and spent a hell of alot of time together and talking to each other. And there was a serious connection. He even told me that he's never clicked with someone like he did with me and that had he known we had this much in common when we were in high school he would have made the attempt to hang out with me sooner.
But yet again - i'm the one left on the sideline watching the guy I care about walk off with another girl. what does she have that I dont have that makes her the one they are willing to do the relationship with and willing to actually commit to? What is it about me that screams dont have a relationship with her she's only good for a fun time either long term or short term? Hence this is why I feel I am destined to never get married. This repeatedly happens to me. First it was with The Bad Boys, now the trait repeats with really nice and genuinely honest and good hearted guy. I thought that me being the one left behind was something that would end when I gave up the bad boys and boys that needed to be fixed. But apparently not. Apparently there is something else that needs to be changed about the guys I pick that will cause that train to finally disappear.
I am just going to become more of a bitch i think. instead of being used its time for me to go back to being the user. In college I ran the show, I pulled the strings. Then I met Sean and let my heart finally get involved and that was the end.
I think its time to go back to pulling the strings for a while. If anything for my self-esteem I need it.
thank god Florida is only 6 days away. I need a break from my life right now.