Bear with me, I'm feeling introspective tonight...
The dance was... dance-like. Marco having to leave early was miserable, and I spent most of it being a wallflower. Paige and I left early.
But that's really not what's on my mind.
I mentioned earlier, Canada finally signed the bill, legalized same-sex marriage officially, yesterday. I have a lot of issues with the fact that it had to be legalized, that it was even an issue, of course, but I understand the societal changes that have happened, the reasons why people thought it shouldn't be -- well, conceptually, I understand them. But I am proud to live in one of only four countries in the world that officially recognizes that I have the same rights as everyone else, that I'm a human being too, and who I love doesn't threaten anyone.
I've known I was gay for... most of my life. I denied it, in jr. high -- much to the inital detrement of a good relationship (still sorry about that, Betha) -- but I knew. I couldn't go into high school lying to myself about it, and so I didn't. It took a while longer to stop lying to everyone else, but I managed to leave high school out, and proud of it. This is who I am, it's my life, and it's not going away because someone else believes that their god says it's not okay, or they're afraid of it.
I've had my share of problems. Certainly. Guys who wanted to have me kicked off the hockey team lest I have to share their shower and "make them gay" or something. People who stopped being my friend. Or who tried to beat me up, run me out of school. "Fix" me. I'm strong enough and sure enough of myself that I've managed to hang on, and survive it all.
Many people in my position haven't. I got lucky. I had this amazing support system, my parents -- once they adjusted -- have been great, Paige has been amazing, most of my friends...
Sitting here, and watching Marco go through some of this, knowing what how his father is reacting is doing to him... it's killing me, to not be able to just wrap my arms around him and protect him from it, to make it better. I know he has to deal with it, and come through it without my wisking him away from it all. But it doesn't make it easier. Loving someone means wanting to protect them from pain, and I know this is hurting him.
Watching all of the debates over the SSM issue, seeing the rally of support for it, knowing it is finally, truly legal and not going anywhere -- I don't know. Making the decision today that I want to move out of the dorms, live on my own in the fall, and watching the things going on with Marco... Part of me wants to ask him to just move in with me. Hell, part of me wants to propose and actually make this real in the forever sense. But he's too young for that. I'm too young for that. Aren't we? Are we? I don't know. I really don't. I do know that being away from him for so long made it so clear to me that I never want to be apart from him again. But... am I ready for even thinking like that, seriously? Is he? I'm so confused.
I wish I could talk to him right now, but I called again, got his mom this time, who said it wasn't a good time for us to be on the phone, just to give it a little time, so that things don't get worse. I understand that. She was very nice about everything, and very sorry about it, not that it's her fault. I really like her.
Marco, I love you. We will make it through this. If you need me, you know where I am, or how to find me.
I left Paige downstairs with a movie; I'm going to go back and join her. Tonight didn't exactly go as either of us expected.
But that's really not what's on my mind.
I mentioned earlier, Canada finally signed the bill, legalized same-sex marriage officially, yesterday. I have a lot of issues with the fact that it had to be legalized, that it was even an issue, of course, but I understand the societal changes that have happened, the reasons why people thought it shouldn't be -- well, conceptually, I understand them. But I am proud to live in one of only four countries in the world that officially recognizes that I have the same rights as everyone else, that I'm a human being too, and who I love doesn't threaten anyone.
I've known I was gay for... most of my life. I denied it, in jr. high -- much to the inital detrement of a good relationship (still sorry about that, Betha) -- but I knew. I couldn't go into high school lying to myself about it, and so I didn't. It took a while longer to stop lying to everyone else, but I managed to leave high school out, and proud of it. This is who I am, it's my life, and it's not going away because someone else believes that their god says it's not okay, or they're afraid of it.
I've had my share of problems. Certainly. Guys who wanted to have me kicked off the hockey team lest I have to share their shower and "make them gay" or something. People who stopped being my friend. Or who tried to beat me up, run me out of school. "Fix" me. I'm strong enough and sure enough of myself that I've managed to hang on, and survive it all.
Many people in my position haven't. I got lucky. I had this amazing support system, my parents -- once they adjusted -- have been great, Paige has been amazing, most of my friends...
Sitting here, and watching Marco go through some of this, knowing what how his father is reacting is doing to him... it's killing me, to not be able to just wrap my arms around him and protect him from it, to make it better. I know he has to deal with it, and come through it without my wisking him away from it all. But it doesn't make it easier. Loving someone means wanting to protect them from pain, and I know this is hurting him.
Watching all of the debates over the SSM issue, seeing the rally of support for it, knowing it is finally, truly legal and not going anywhere -- I don't know. Making the decision today that I want to move out of the dorms, live on my own in the fall, and watching the things going on with Marco... Part of me wants to ask him to just move in with me. Hell, part of me wants to propose and actually make this real in the forever sense. But he's too young for that. I'm too young for that. Aren't we? Are we? I don't know. I really don't. I do know that being away from him for so long made it so clear to me that I never want to be apart from him again. But... am I ready for even thinking like that, seriously? Is he? I'm so confused.
I wish I could talk to him right now, but I called again, got his mom this time, who said it wasn't a good time for us to be on the phone, just to give it a little time, so that things don't get worse. I understand that. She was very nice about everything, and very sorry about it, not that it's her fault. I really like her.
Marco, I love you. We will make it through this. If you need me, you know where I am, or how to find me.
I left Paige downstairs with a movie; I'm going to go back and join her. Tonight didn't exactly go as either of us expected.