melancholy melancholy skip skip
I'm wearing my huge ugly shirt today, because it's big enough inside that I can curl up. It's like wearing a blanket everywhere, and I feel ..not comfortable, more comforted. I don't know. I don't look like me today, but I feel more like me. Screw fashion.
AP's are over, recital is nearing and I've gotten better at the peice transition. I really don't have anything to be so worried about anywhere in my life at all. I think I even know what colleges I'm applying to.
So why do I still feel so empty and anxious?
I have no idea how I'm feeling at all. Not really one way or the other about anything, I feel like a terrible person for it. I feel a vague sense of melancholy, if anything at all. There probably are things I should care about, or be worried about or whatever, but I honestly don't care enough to. I'm so self absorbed, and confused about the self bit, it woudl take more conviction and effort than I have to fight for or care about anything at all that isn't so abstract as thinking about personal morality and aspiration. It's not apathetic, quite.
I know who I am more if I pretend to be someone else entirely. Or at least I think I would.
Maybe I should change my name.
AP's are over, recital is nearing and I've gotten better at the peice transition. I really don't have anything to be so worried about anywhere in my life at all. I think I even know what colleges I'm applying to.
So why do I still feel so empty and anxious?
I have no idea how I'm feeling at all. Not really one way or the other about anything, I feel like a terrible person for it. I feel a vague sense of melancholy, if anything at all. There probably are things I should care about, or be worried about or whatever, but I honestly don't care enough to. I'm so self absorbed, and confused about the self bit, it woudl take more conviction and effort than I have to fight for or care about anything at all that isn't so abstract as thinking about personal morality and aspiration. It's not apathetic, quite.
I know who I am more if I pretend to be someone else entirely. Or at least I think I would.
Maybe I should change my name.