Both sides now, J Mitchell
I make a solid first attempt at listing losses. I hope it paints a picture greater than the sum of the words, although the words are lengthy enough even in their factual abbreviated fashion.
Tonight, I would like to attempt a list of accomplishments. First, yoga.
*
I got out. I didn't give up.
Justin is dead. Chris is a schizophrenic addicted to all the things. My sister has been a shut-in addict for years upon years. Les has built a solid enough life for himself. I haven't talked to Greg in years but last I heard, he was okay (a quick check online suggests he is doing alright). Betsy, last I heard, is doing well enough for herself. Darla made a solid life for herself.
Those are the folks who mattered most from high school. Half of us did okay and the other half, well, the road is sometimes longer.
*
Jef has the life he dreamt of when we were young. I couldn't be more proud of him. So does Karim. And Randy, even. And finally, Victor. Perhaps even Stephanie. Joe has found a peace he's sought for so many years.
I suppose Jay and I are the two still bumbling about but doing well enough. Maybe Brett, also. I wish CW factored into things more than he does - no, I don't.
Jef has the life he dreamt of when we were young. I couldn't be more proud of him. So does Karim. And Randy, even. And finally, Victor. That one warms my heart most of all.
All of this to say, I have made sound decisions about the folks I want in my life. By and large, there are no regrets.
*
I found a way to get through college, made a few notable friendships along the way. Found my way to a career that continues to delight and challenge me.
**
Agh... there are so many ideas in my head and I cannot quite capture them. Perhaps tonight, this is enough. I'm starting to see wisphers of hope. It won't happen neatly or all at once.
As always, at the end of the night, everynight, I love you. The more I try to write this, the more I see the path that led me to you and how they extend into the blue.