Let's have a mature, rational discussion about sex, shall we?

[hobbitxcore]

I considered making this into a video, but it was running a bit long. I might still make a shorter video about it.

So recently, this has been happening:

Person I don't know: "Hey, you're a lesbian right?"

Me, trying to be polite: "No, no I'm not."

Other person, with a skeptical look: "Are you sure?"

Me, annoyed: "...yeah."

Let me clarify, It doesn't

Comments

[beggarsfarm]

I think I just had a really rough first experience that played on my already present insecurities and made me want to avoid sex more often than not. When you mention people not wanting to wait I feel like that is how it was in that relationship although instead of leaving he just completely treated me like an object for his satisfaction. I dealt with constant groping, pressuring and physical forcing despite consistently saying no or asking for patience.

I stayed in that relationship as long as I did because to be honest I had no idea how messed up it was. Id been raised to think that guys just needed it all the time and it was our duty to try and give it to them. When I told some people about my experiences later I largely got the response of "well he was a guy...what did you expect," which is indicative of a larger cultural issue where women seem taught or expected to deal with abuse or pressure to "perform" because it's what guys "need." That sort of situation is what I have been on guard against in my private life ever since. I don't care if a guy or anyone else thinks I'm asexual or as my previous partner said, "a cold fish," I refuse to try to force myself into something I'm not for someone who doesn't respect my autonomy anyway.

[hobbitxcore]

Yeah, I used to think that about guys as well. It's probably why I've done as much as I have, and things generally went faster than I wanted them to. The more I just get to know people though, the more I realize that all men aren't the same, and there are some who don't think about it. They're usually older, or in the same boat I am and just have no experience.

[beggarsfarm]

I came to that realization, too, which is why my relationship now is as strong and as good as it is. I went from dreading being alone with my SO to feeling safer and more loved than I though possible. It just disturbs me how prevalent that stereotype about men is, even among men themselves. One of the last exchanges I ever had with my previous partner was about the pain I dealt with and he told me, "Any 21 year old guy would have treated you the same." I cut contact after that and have since made that world view high on the list of dealbreakers for me among friendships/relationships. It's not fair to men or women.