Let's have a mature, rational discussion about sex, shall we?
I considered making this into a video, but it was running a bit long. I might still make a shorter video about it.
So recently, this has been happening:
Person I don't know: "Hey, you're a lesbian right?"
Me, trying to be polite: "No, no I'm not."
Other person, with a skeptical look: "Are you sure?"
Me, annoyed: "...yeah."
Let me clarify, It doesn't automatically bother me when someone asks me if I'm a lesbian, because people have different reasons for asking. Chances are, if you have some personal reason for asking, or you're just curious, and you don't make a big deal about it, it's probably not going to bother me and I will be respectful about it. The thing that bothers me, is when someone I don't know assumes that they know my sexuality before talking to me, even if I say otherwise. What's worse is, these people assuming that I am gay are usually straight, so I'm just like...what do you know about being gay anyway? I can have gay friends and accept everyone for who they are and be supportive all I want, but at the end of the day, I still don't know what it's like to be gay. That being said, I try not to assume anything about anyone's sexuality unless they tell me about it or actively try to get their mac on in front of me. I do this now because I've assumed before and been incorrect. It makes for awkward situations, and honestly, it's probably none of my business anyway.
In leu of this happening several times recently, I'm trying to figure out why people assume I'm a lesbian and this is what I've come up with:
1. I have short hair. Firstly, I live in southern GA. I don't know if you've been here or not, but it's unbearably fucking hot like 8 months out of the year, so having short hair is better for everyone. Secondly, I'm lazy and I don't want to have to fix my hair all the time. When it's short, it usually looks ok if I leave it alone.
2. I don't usually wear make-up. Again, I am lazy, and it's hot. I don't want to put stuff on my face every day just to sweat it off later. I don't need that. Plus, a lot of lesbians wear make up anyway, so I feel like this is just a bad stereotype.
3. I like plaid. Plaid is cute. I like patterns and I like colors and I like when colors are combined in an interesting pattern. I also like dots and argyle, but plaid is a lot easier to come by. And again, I think this is just a bad stereotype, because the only lesbians I've ever seen wearing plaid on a regular basis were on TV.
4. I like rainbows and glitter, which seem to be associated with homosexuality. Firstly, they're mostly associated with gay men, and not gay women, so if anything I am a closeted gay man...which is more accurate than me being a lesbian. Secondly, there comes a point in everyone's life where they need to embrace their inner child so they don't go crazy from having to be a responsible adult. My inner child enjoys rainbows, glitter, unicorns, fairies, and tiny fluffy animals, and disney princess coloring books.
5. I have a deeper voice. I've always had a deeper voice. I suppose I could try to have a higher pitched voice, but I feel like that would get annoying after a while. Plus, I used to smoke a lot of cigarettes, so that probably didn't help.
6. I don't have a boyfriend. There are a lot of reasons I don't have a boyfriend, but I won't go into all of them now. First and foremost, I'm looking for something kind of serious, because I feel like that's what I need right now. However, one of the current goals in my life is to get the hell out of Ga. I don't think it would be fair to start a relationship with someone and then peace out whenever I get my shit together enough to leave. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me, so I'm not comfortable doing that to someone else. It would be different if I just wanted something casual, but that's not the case. Also, I'm just very particular about who I want to date and what I want out of a relationship. To put it in perspective, I have a little over 350 friends on Facebook. These are all people I've met. If we subtract all the women and gay men, that leaves about 130 men. When we add in the guys I've met and talk to online on various different sites, that gives us roughly 150 guys that I have met in some fashion and talk to. Out of that number, there are only 3 people I would consider dating if they asked me out today. And that's just considering, that's not even assuming something would happen.
And I know some people are like "don't knock it until you've tried it," but experimentation is not the only way to solve problems. I've experimented enough in my own way, but I've mostly just sat down and had a long talk with myself about the subject. If we go by the Kinsey Scale, I would consider myself a 1, maybe on extreme occasions a 2, (0 being completely straight, 3 being bisexual, and 6 being homosexual). I can look at a girl and say "she's very attractive" and I might joke about orgies with my friends or whatever, but in my head, I'm mostly thinking, "wow, I would like to look more like her. I bet she gets a lot of action." In the spirit of being honest and sharing way too much information on the internet, I don't have a problem admitting that there have been exceptions to this, most of which have been voyeuristic in nature. In other words, it has more to do with watching than necessarily being involved with anyone. That would be the reason for my 1/2 status instead of a 0, but I have never felt the urge/need/want to date a woman. Now, If I see a guy I am attracted to, I think, "wow...he is very attractive" and I usually go into a fantasy sequence that involes dating, making out, and/or having sex with that person, and I am always involved with this person in the fantasy. I feel like this is a large difference. Now, it's possible that I'm just pansexual, and I haven't met the right girl to turn me or whatever, but based on past experiences, it just doesn't seem like that is the case to me.
Considering the type of person that I am and the fact that I probably just told you way too too much about my personal life, and the fact that most of my friends are very accepting, It doesn't seem like I would have a problem saying if I was gay. Again, I can't really know for sure, because it's probably very different from anything I've ever experienced, but I feel like I would have at least mentioned it to someone. SOMEONE would know. My close friends can vouch for that, because I've explained everything above to many people before. Usually at parties.
So yeah. What do you guys think? Do people assume you're a different sexuality than you actually are? Does it annoy you, or do you think it would annoy you if it happened? Let me know. Let's discuss.