Let's have a mature, rational discussion about sex, shall we?

[hobbitxcore]

I considered making this into a video, but it was running a bit long. I might still make a shorter video about it.

So recently, this has been happening:

Person I don't know: "Hey, you're a lesbian right?"

Me, trying to be polite: "No, no I'm not."

Other person, with a skeptical look: "Are you sure?"

Me, annoyed: "...yeah."

Let me clarify, It doesn't

Comments

[beggarsfarm]

I'm not especially social as shy as I am, so this has never happened to me. However, I also don't wear makeup (fuck that noise) and have short hair and like rainbows and glitter and like plaid.

I feel similar to you on your description of the Kinsey scale, really, though I have often wondered if I am asexual due to issues that I've had with sex throughout my life. However, upon further reflection I think those feelings have more to do with insecurity and past trauma from my past relationship than anything else. What annoys me, though, is how out of place I feel when sex is discussed. My first experiences were traumatic to say the least and then I have a lot of self esteem issues that complicate my approach to it. I can never just go "YAY SEXYTIMEZ" because it's so emotionally and physically complex for me. Therefore I always feel the odd one out when certain things are brought up and people assume it's as easy for me as everyone else.

I realize this long tangent has little or nothing to do with the sexual orientation discussion you're opening, but I could relate to feeling annoyed at being assumed you're something that you aren't because I am not entirely comfortable with/experienced with sex in general.

[hobbitxcore]

I feel asexual at times as well, or that the majority of people I meet view me as asexual, because I've never seen evidence of someone thinking of me that way, save for a few douchebags I dated a while ago. I'm also not very comfortable with the idea of sex completely, and I'm not experienced at all. That is also another reason I decided to not worry about dating. Every time I've had "the discussion" with someone I was dating and they found out I hadn't ever done anything, instead of just waiting a little longer until I was ready, they just decided to it wasn't worth it. So, I just decided I had better shit to do and stopped trying. I assume it will happen eventually. I do worry about it sometimes, though.

[beggarsfarm]

I think I just had a really rough first experience that played on my already present insecurities and made me want to avoid sex more often than not. When you mention people not wanting to wait I feel like that is how it was in that relationship although instead of leaving he just completely treated me like an object for his satisfaction. I dealt with constant groping, pressuring and physical forcing despite consistently saying no or asking for patience.

I stayed in that relationship as long as I did because to be honest I had no idea how messed up it was. Id been raised to think that guys just needed it all the time and it was our duty to try and give it to them. When I told some people about my experiences later I largely got the response of "well he was a guy...what did you expect," which is indicative of a larger cultural issue where women seem taught or expected to deal with abuse or pressure to "perform" because it's what guys "need." That sort of situation is what I have been on guard against in my private life ever since. I don't care if a guy or anyone else thinks I'm asexual or as my previous partner said, "a cold fish," I refuse to try to force myself into something I'm not for someone who doesn't respect my autonomy anyway.

[hobbitxcore]

Yeah, I used to think that about guys as well. It's probably why I've done as much as I have, and things generally went faster than I wanted them to. The more I just get to know people though, the more I realize that all men aren't the same, and there are some who don't think about it. They're usually older, or in the same boat I am and just have no experience.

[beggarsfarm]

I came to that realization, too, which is why my relationship now is as strong and as good as it is. I went from dreading being alone with my SO to feeling safer and more loved than I though possible. It just disturbs me how prevalent that stereotype about men is, even among men themselves. One of the last exchanges I ever had with my previous partner was about the pain I dealt with and he told me, "Any 21 year old guy would have treated you the same." I cut contact after that and have since made that world view high on the list of dealbreakers for me among friendships/relationships. It's not fair to men or women.