Levelling up rapidly, and not in the good way
I have exams soon. I've known this for a while. I could hardly ignore it with, you know, all the revision lectures, and the exam timetables being posted to us, and my parents asking "How's revision going?" every time they phoned me.
But somehow, I've remained calm and happy with a positive outlook. I somehow knew this was just a well developed shield of Denial, which all fears and stresses bounced off, and was cool with it.
Well... today the shield broke.
After a brief spell in Anger, after discovering that the two awesome modules I really wanted to do next year are being taken off the syllabus, I've set up a cosy little home in the suburbs of Fear, just a little bit away from Bargaining. And by "cosy little home" I mean "cold desolate landscape where I am beset by panic every time I let my guard down".
I walked up the hill back from lectures chanting "It'll be fine! It'll be fine! It'll be FINE! It WILL be fine! It'll be FIIIINE. Fine! It'll be FINE."
I'm glad my mum didn't phone me. "How are you?" "FIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!"
I got back to mine, and got a good hug off marcus_felix, which helped. I then came back over to trinityblack's and ate a cookie and watched a bit of How I Met Your Mother on youtube, which helped even more.
So now I am in state of zen-like fear. It's a lot like zen-like calm, except slightly chillier.
LATER: God, I'm not fine. I just got back from going to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which is great, and I actually managed to get out of my head for a bit, but now the panic is creeping back in, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm just going to go to bed and hope it's OK in the morning.
EVEN LATER: Did something completely different. Stayed up writing out revision plan on brightly coloured notecards, with a different quotation on the back of each one that I really like, so I get a nice surprise each day as I see what I'm learning that day (to counteract the expected horrible one.)
But somehow, I've remained calm and happy with a positive outlook. I somehow knew this was just a well developed shield of Denial, which all fears and stresses bounced off, and was cool with it.
Well... today the shield broke.
After a brief spell in Anger, after discovering that the two awesome modules I really wanted to do next year are being taken off the syllabus, I've set up a cosy little home in the suburbs of Fear, just a little bit away from Bargaining. And by "cosy little home" I mean "cold desolate landscape where I am beset by panic every time I let my guard down".
I walked up the hill back from lectures chanting "It'll be fine! It'll be fine! It'll be FINE! It WILL be fine! It'll be FIIIINE. Fine! It'll be FINE."
I'm glad my mum didn't phone me. "How are you?" "FIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!"
I got back to mine, and got a good hug off marcus_felix, which helped. I then came back over to trinityblack's and ate a cookie and watched a bit of How I Met Your Mother on youtube, which helped even more.
So now I am in state of zen-like fear. It's a lot like zen-like calm, except slightly chillier.
LATER: God, I'm not fine. I just got back from going to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which is great, and I actually managed to get out of my head for a bit, but now the panic is creeping back in, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm just going to go to bed and hope it's OK in the morning.
EVEN LATER: Did something completely different. Stayed up writing out revision plan on brightly coloured notecards, with a different quotation on the back of each one that I really like, so I get a nice surprise each day as I see what I'm learning that day (to counteract the expected horrible one.)