Comments | hobbit_kink: Prompt Post 9 PROMPT FREEZE

bettiebloodshed in hobbit_kink

Prompt Post 9 PROMPT FREEZE

Mar 09, 2013 10:46

Welcome to the Hobbit Prompt Post!

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Comments 4020

Bilbo is shunned when he comes back to the shire lexin_m_west March 9 2013, 15:51:18 UTC

After the events of The Hobbit, but with no deaths, Bilbo goes back to Hobbiton, to live a life in peace ( ... )

Re: Bilbo is shunned when he comes back to the shire lexin_m_west March 11 2013, 23:15:22 UTC

OMG!! someone should totally write this!

Re: Bilbo is shunned when he comes back to the shire forforfro March 24 2013, 20:57:24 UTC

Oooo! omg I didn't know I wanted this til I read it omg!!! Someone please do this!!

Dís, Fíli & Kíli - swimming lessons anonymous March 9 2013, 15:55:02 UTC

Doesn't matter if the lads are kids, adolescents or adults - I just want their mum teaching them how to swim.

Fill: River Pebbles (1/3) TW: thoughts of infanticide anonymous March 10 2013, 09:13:11 UTC

When she is pregnant with her second child, she is cow-heavy. The baby rides low in her belly, much lower than Fili had, and by the seventh month, it feels as though she is carrying the weight of a mountain in the sling of her hips ( ... )

Fill: River Pebbles (2/3) TW: thoughts of infanticide anonymous March 10 2013, 09:14:21 UTC

“He’s difficult,” Dis confesses once. She is lying in bed, her arm tucked under her head, and she is watched Andvari. Andvari is pacing the floor, Kili tucked up against his neck, and Dis can still hear Kili’s sleepy whimpers. Kili has been fighting sleep all night, screaming whenever he is laid down, and no amount of nursing or rocking has been able to coax him to sleep ( ... )

Fill: River Pebbles (3/3) TW: thoughts of infanticide anonymous March 10 2013, 09:17:08 UTC

x ( ... )

Thread 13

Crack! Robin Hood Men in Tights anonymous March 9 2013, 15:56:19 UTC

You know the scene at the beginning of Robin Hood: Men in Tights where Robin is brought to a Jerusalem dungeon, and the concierge won't seat him without the 'proper attire' (a long scraggly beard)?

That.

"I'm so sorry, Gandalf, the halfling simply cannot join the quest without the proper attire."

Or,

Bilbo spends three months on the road with twelve Dwarves wearing a false beard that itches terribly.

Re: Crack! Robin Hood Men in Tights anonymous March 10 2013, 23:48:43 UTC

Snickering so hard, ohmygosh!! I just... Yesss XD

My Brother Is Fatter Than Your Brother anonymous March 9 2013, 16:01:42 UTC

Being fat is a status symbol in the dwarven world. Bofur might occasionally cut his brother off in the chow line when he's about to give himself indigestion, but really he's ridiculously proud that a humble family like theirs has such a fat and prosperous specimen.

Dwalin gets jealous of Bofur's constant showing off - the way he tosses food to Bombur and shamelessly displays his brother's ability to break furniture under his bulk - and in a fit of My Brother Can Totally Beat Up Your Brother, he starts trying to fatten up Balin.

Re: My Brother Is Fatter Than Your Brother unshadowedheart March 9 2013, 16:58:36 UTC

omg i need it

Re: My Brother Is Fatter Than Your Brother sir_nemo March 9 2013, 21:48:09 UTC

I admit it: I giggled.

Yessss, this sounds awesome. We needs it.

Re: My Brother Is Fatter Than Your Brother anonymous March 10 2013, 07:36:33 UTC

oh someone write this please.

Thread 7

All the Dwarves are High on Spider Venom anonymous March 9 2013, 16:02:18 UTC

When the Dwarves are captured by the spiders, they get pumped full of venom. But the venom doesn't kill them or make them sick - it's to pump them full of endorphins, so that when the spiders eat them, they're fresh meat that is too blissed out to care it's being eaten.

Also the venom causes hallucinations. Glóin was with his wife and his boy at home happy and safe. Thorin's sitting on a throne with the Arkenstone in one hand and a sassy Hobbit on his lap. Ori was fantasising of a giant library with books on every subject under the sun.

„And what did you see, Dori?“ - „Oh, you know. Tea and stuff...“

Dori's not going to tell anybody about his hallucination of being fucked by Dwalin while sucking Bofur's cock.

Re: All the Dwarves are High on Spider Venom anonymous March 9 2013, 16:18:34 UTC

Oh my, yes.

Re: All the Dwarves are High on Spider Venom ilianyanight June 11 2013, 00:11:21 UTC

totally didn't know where you were going but the last line KILLED me!!