Oh boy... here it goes
Well.. Here it goes... This Journal is going to be really honest beacuse it seems to me that no one really listens to what I say or how I feel when it comes to James.
Well, I tried to talk to people about James, but they all pretty much said the same thing. That he was great for me and he made me happy, so nothing else matters. Well it does matter to me becuase I feel so overwhelmed. Everyone always told me not to get into a relationship as a freshman, because there is so much you want to do and you dont have time for a serious relationship, which is what I have fallen into. James is a wonderful person, I am not negating that fact. He is very thougtful, loving, caring, and just wants the best out of everything. My problem is that I want him to tell me what he is thinking or what he wants, and it always seems like he says that "whatever you want, is what I want". That is not what I want to hear. I want to know what he is thinking or what he is feeling, or what he wants at that very moment. He tries so hard to make me happy, when all I want is for him to do his thing and live life his way. I really care for James, and he says that even if I only had an hour each week to spend with him, that would be ok. I know thats not true. It would be unfair to call that a relationship at all. I keep telling him that I dont feel like I have time, and that I have to choose between him and other activities that I want to do, but he does not fully understand that even though he says he does. I really want to pledge a Sorority this semester, but right now I dont think that I can do it. From what I have heard, it is two months of complete and utter sorority life. That is exactly what I want to do. With a boyfriend you cant do that becuase you have commitments to that person. Anyways, I really dont feel like writing about this anymore right now.
I dont know if The University of Charleston is where I want to be anymore. I feel that I cannot get all of my work done because of the residence halls and the issues in it. The facilities are great. Its the constant noise that does not stop. I cannot get a full nights rest in this place. I went to my Oma's house last night and it was the first time I have had more than four hours of uninterrupted sleep since Christmas break. How am I supposed to do well in the Colleague program? How am I not supposed to get sick. Its bad enough that the food in the dining hall is aweful, now I cant get sleep in this place. I really hope this whole deal with the "on campus" rule for colleague works out because then we may be able to rent an apartment or buy a house or something. I am just so frusterated with everything right now. I just applied for a transfer application. I really dont want to live in the dorms ever again, unless they really start to crack down on all of the drinking and the noise. Some people around here drink way to much and say that they dont. If you drink at least every other night, no matter if you get "drunk" or not, you are drinking too much. If you cant find anything better to do than drink, than you have issues. I know college is supposed to be fun and we are all supposed to be able to let loose and everything, but we are really here for an education, someone is paying a shit load of money for us to go to a private school and while we can have fun and play games and mess around, we need to be able to focus on our studies too.
I dont feel like writing anymore, well, I hope I didnt piss too many people off. Sorry, well, not really, becuase its my opinion, and it counts too, even if you dont want to hear it.
Well, I tried to talk to people about James, but they all pretty much said the same thing. That he was great for me and he made me happy, so nothing else matters. Well it does matter to me becuase I feel so overwhelmed. Everyone always told me not to get into a relationship as a freshman, because there is so much you want to do and you dont have time for a serious relationship, which is what I have fallen into. James is a wonderful person, I am not negating that fact. He is very thougtful, loving, caring, and just wants the best out of everything. My problem is that I want him to tell me what he is thinking or what he wants, and it always seems like he says that "whatever you want, is what I want". That is not what I want to hear. I want to know what he is thinking or what he is feeling, or what he wants at that very moment. He tries so hard to make me happy, when all I want is for him to do his thing and live life his way. I really care for James, and he says that even if I only had an hour each week to spend with him, that would be ok. I know thats not true. It would be unfair to call that a relationship at all. I keep telling him that I dont feel like I have time, and that I have to choose between him and other activities that I want to do, but he does not fully understand that even though he says he does. I really want to pledge a Sorority this semester, but right now I dont think that I can do it. From what I have heard, it is two months of complete and utter sorority life. That is exactly what I want to do. With a boyfriend you cant do that becuase you have commitments to that person. Anyways, I really dont feel like writing about this anymore right now.
I dont know if The University of Charleston is where I want to be anymore. I feel that I cannot get all of my work done because of the residence halls and the issues in it. The facilities are great. Its the constant noise that does not stop. I cannot get a full nights rest in this place. I went to my Oma's house last night and it was the first time I have had more than four hours of uninterrupted sleep since Christmas break. How am I supposed to do well in the Colleague program? How am I not supposed to get sick. Its bad enough that the food in the dining hall is aweful, now I cant get sleep in this place. I really hope this whole deal with the "on campus" rule for colleague works out because then we may be able to rent an apartment or buy a house or something. I am just so frusterated with everything right now. I just applied for a transfer application. I really dont want to live in the dorms ever again, unless they really start to crack down on all of the drinking and the noise. Some people around here drink way to much and say that they dont. If you drink at least every other night, no matter if you get "drunk" or not, you are drinking too much. If you cant find anything better to do than drink, than you have issues. I know college is supposed to be fun and we are all supposed to be able to let loose and everything, but we are really here for an education, someone is paying a shit load of money for us to go to a private school and while we can have fun and play games and mess around, we need to be able to focus on our studies too.
I dont feel like writing anymore, well, I hope I didnt piss too many people off. Sorry, well, not really, becuase its my opinion, and it counts too, even if you dont want to hear it.