wow
So.... i've beeen trying to figure this out for the last couple weeks. Why this feeling is so different from any other i have ever experienced.
And after last night i have come to a huge realization for me.....
Since like 2nd grade you LIKE boys u find one pick one and think about them and get all shy and cute and maybe they like u back adn you write notes to each other instead. etc. Than u get to highschool and older and you like a boy and they like you back.... naturally you begin a relationship and you think they are the most amazing thing....the relationship goes well and you think that you love them so u tell them you love them. Its a great feeling.
What i have realized that sets what i am experiencing ( which isnt being in love right about now in my life lol... ) and what i have experienced is.... all these other relationships did NOT work for a reason.... because this love was a love FOR the attraction i had to the person. Sure.... i have dated some really great guys and some not so much.... but i was never in love with ... i guess their soul? i dont know how to explain it. I was in very attracted to them and drawn to them.... but thats not enough. thats not real love.
real true love is about seriously loving a person for what they really are deep inside emotionally and mentally and not just their overall personality and physical attractiveness that shows on an everyday basis.
its about paying attention to the detail good or bad....and really knowing a person.
I have thought my boyfriend was my best friend in my life at a few points in my life ( this could be because i used to date my friends alot so this may be bias but not with paul...he never was ) anywho and i thought i knew them like the back of my hand. But honestly did we ever take the time to seriously get to know each other outside of our overall personality like seriously spill our guts about our innermost being.....no. not like im explaining and im finding this really hard to explain. Like me and paul lived together...and knew everything about each other and i cried to him and whatever but did he ever dig deep? did i ever take the time to dig deep? no. << ok maybe that sumed it up more.
but in conclusion.
i now know why this feeling is different. and what is different from this situation that sets it apart from all the others i have experienced. whether it lasts or not ( which i hope it does because michael is great ).... i've already learned how much i have LOVED the people in my life and love the people in my life vs. being in love with them or truly loving them.
BAH i think i just made that really fricken confusing.
maybe bias as well.
And after last night i have come to a huge realization for me.....
Since like 2nd grade you LIKE boys u find one pick one and think about them and get all shy and cute and maybe they like u back adn you write notes to each other instead. etc. Than u get to highschool and older and you like a boy and they like you back.... naturally you begin a relationship and you think they are the most amazing thing....the relationship goes well and you think that you love them so u tell them you love them. Its a great feeling.
What i have realized that sets what i am experiencing ( which isnt being in love right about now in my life lol... ) and what i have experienced is.... all these other relationships did NOT work for a reason.... because this love was a love FOR the attraction i had to the person. Sure.... i have dated some really great guys and some not so much.... but i was never in love with ... i guess their soul? i dont know how to explain it. I was in very attracted to them and drawn to them.... but thats not enough. thats not real love.
real true love is about seriously loving a person for what they really are deep inside emotionally and mentally and not just their overall personality and physical attractiveness that shows on an everyday basis.
its about paying attention to the detail good or bad....and really knowing a person.
I have thought my boyfriend was my best friend in my life at a few points in my life ( this could be because i used to date my friends alot so this may be bias but not with paul...he never was ) anywho and i thought i knew them like the back of my hand. But honestly did we ever take the time to seriously get to know each other outside of our overall personality like seriously spill our guts about our innermost being.....no. not like im explaining and im finding this really hard to explain. Like me and paul lived together...and knew everything about each other and i cried to him and whatever but did he ever dig deep? did i ever take the time to dig deep? no. << ok maybe that sumed it up more.
but in conclusion.
i now know why this feeling is different. and what is different from this situation that sets it apart from all the others i have experienced. whether it lasts or not ( which i hope it does because michael is great ).... i've already learned how much i have LOVED the people in my life and love the people in my life vs. being in love with them or truly loving them.
BAH i think i just made that really fricken confusing.
maybe bias as well.