Men...
So this weekend, S was busy with a family shindig Saturday. I made plans to go to a Tiger's game with Andy, and then afterward maybe see Clerks II with him. This gave S even more free time, and I encouraged him to go golfing with it. So he did. Sadly, I did not see Clerks II and sadly, the Tigers lost. In spite of a great year, I still have never seen them win. Yes, annoying.
Anyhow, when I finally did reunite with S, all we did was have some fruit for dessert, and watch (and fall asleep to) the TV. Sunday morning was nice. Sunday afternoon we went and played one round of mini golf and rode the go-karts around one time. Then we had some TCBY, and went back to his place, and that was it. He was going golfing again, and I was just supposed to toddle off and entertain myself, I figured. Great...
I was not incredibly pleased. In fact, I felt a bit used, and quite depressed. Why? Because it almost seemed as if he would rather hang out with the guys golfing than with me. I've heard him say this before, that he thinks every weekend should be a two golf weekend. So even though it hurt me a little, I really had nothing to say against it. I will not be the controlling girlfriend who keeps him away from his friends, and I will not force him to hang out with me when he'd rather do something else. I cannot stop myself from feeling sad about this, but I also cannot argue. And so I said very little on Sunday in the car. Couldn't have been more obvious that I wasn't happy. And he did pick up on it, but didn't really understand why. Figured I might be angry, and he did ask me that, but no, that wasn't it.
I was depressed. Why? Is it that time of the month? Well, possibly hormones could have something to do with it. But what else? Just because I'm damaged goods, and when I don't hear certain things, my mind tends to take a turn for the worse. In this case, I was convinced that I was only a source of fun, and when I stopped being fun, he looked elsewhere. Which led me to wonder if that was the whole reason he still stays with me. Because I'm a fun person? Not because he loves me and wants to be with me, even if we do nothing fun?
So this led to a great long conversation on the phone, a cryfest, and puffy eyes this morning, but I did manage to drag the 3 words out of him twice. I shouldn't have to drag it though. So how much credit can I give his words? Ugh... Sometimes, living in my head is pure hell.
Anyhow, today sucked ass at work, just as I knew it would. I nearly worked 12 hours straight. Lovely. Tomorrow won't be much better I'm sure, but I have a game, so no working till 7:15 then.
And now I must eat something, I suppose. Lord knows my fat ass doesn't need it. *sigh*
Anyhow, when I finally did reunite with S, all we did was have some fruit for dessert, and watch (and fall asleep to) the TV. Sunday morning was nice. Sunday afternoon we went and played one round of mini golf and rode the go-karts around one time. Then we had some TCBY, and went back to his place, and that was it. He was going golfing again, and I was just supposed to toddle off and entertain myself, I figured. Great...
I was not incredibly pleased. In fact, I felt a bit used, and quite depressed. Why? Because it almost seemed as if he would rather hang out with the guys golfing than with me. I've heard him say this before, that he thinks every weekend should be a two golf weekend. So even though it hurt me a little, I really had nothing to say against it. I will not be the controlling girlfriend who keeps him away from his friends, and I will not force him to hang out with me when he'd rather do something else. I cannot stop myself from feeling sad about this, but I also cannot argue. And so I said very little on Sunday in the car. Couldn't have been more obvious that I wasn't happy. And he did pick up on it, but didn't really understand why. Figured I might be angry, and he did ask me that, but no, that wasn't it.
I was depressed. Why? Is it that time of the month? Well, possibly hormones could have something to do with it. But what else? Just because I'm damaged goods, and when I don't hear certain things, my mind tends to take a turn for the worse. In this case, I was convinced that I was only a source of fun, and when I stopped being fun, he looked elsewhere. Which led me to wonder if that was the whole reason he still stays with me. Because I'm a fun person? Not because he loves me and wants to be with me, even if we do nothing fun?
So this led to a great long conversation on the phone, a cryfest, and puffy eyes this morning, but I did manage to drag the 3 words out of him twice. I shouldn't have to drag it though. So how much credit can I give his words? Ugh... Sometimes, living in my head is pure hell.
Anyhow, today sucked ass at work, just as I knew it would. I nearly worked 12 hours straight. Lovely. Tomorrow won't be much better I'm sure, but I have a game, so no working till 7:15 then.
And now I must eat something, I suppose. Lord knows my fat ass doesn't need it. *sigh*