A labour of love
I was discussing in the AHA chat with Amy the other day what was the beta's job in the end, and why I think they (we) are not really editors.
You can probably guess why, anyway. Betas have no power in the relationship, they are volunteers that do a combination of as much as they want and as much as the writers lets them do. And I read this post about it, and it made me think. Am I not one of those horrible betas whose writers really thank them but that don't really help all that much? I mean, I do try, but how can I know?
I don't even know why the hell I am writing in English. I mean, really. How can I know that my style suggestions are not really damaging? (grammar and spelling I'm less scared about, as one can _check_ who's right)
It's probably in my mind because I've like three active beta jobs right now, one in JAF, one in HP, and one original, and they are all good writers in their own right: better writers than me for sure. Am I helping?
Also, I'm realizing I've never ever ever got to beta an author who was like-minded in their view of canon or even writing. That's curious. I've never rejected a beta job, either, and I've actively looked for it in some cases the writing was really really foreign to me (either in the style or type of mistakes or canon compliance or whatever).
And, jumping from Pamala's blog, I've been visiting sites about writing, and agents' blogs, and blogs of aspiring pro writers and already pro writers (can't you tell I should be studying?). And you know what? It's kind of weird.
I've said before (not here, but to people with whom I've discussed it) that I'm not trying to become a pro writer. I decided that when I was fairly young. I've _never_ said I wanted to be a writer, and I can assure you all of that, because I've been concious of the possibility (of trying, I mean) since I was very very young and reading a lot. A reason it's that not only I don't think I'm good enough, but I don't think I will ever be.
It's probably something of the kind I would discuss in therapy but as I don't do therapy, all of you get to hear it. Is it fear of failing? Realism? An unformed idea that _doing_ stuff rates above than writing about stuff?
That doesn't mean I will stop writing, however. As I also said, it keeps me sane and relatively happy.
But, anyway, reading all those stories made me want to _try_. I don't even know why.
Perhaps it's the actively trying to get better mood. I like that. I should look into doing a online or RL course in writing, because ff writing, as ego lifting it is (and ego crushing, too, sometimes), unless you get a beta who's willing to _edit_ your stuff and not only beta it, is a really limited ground in that regard. Though I suppose that even just the act of writing and rewriting may improve your skills at it.
Anyway, aimless musings, all.
And hey, betaing _is_ great. An e-mail from Jen (whom I was bugging to write the next chapter already) made me pick up ch. 15, and lo and behold, I re-wrote most of it. It's lacking _one_ scene, and it will be ready for betas.