There are so many conflicts to be faced with. Do you run like hell and get out of lansing, ithaca, tompkins county -- and start somewhere else with nothing but the hope and dream that you can build a support structure for yourself where-ever you go? Or do you get some solid ground under your feet and feel secure, so that you're in a more grounded and balanced place to make decisions? Is one better than the other, is either possible? What do you want anyway? Nobody knows... or rather, why does it seem like everybody but you knows?
I know this. You carry home around with you in your heart. But I also know this, without grounding, you are not home anywhere. Do you need a tangible, physical grounding in order to find a psychological, emotional place of stability? Or will the psychological, emotional grounding allow you to feel stable in the proper physical locations? Is it chickens or eggs? Do you need a plan to go, or do you go and figure out the plan? Can you just be? Can you be here? Or can you be anywhere?
A lot of people avoid this crisis by just doing what the program dictates and going to more school. And some avoid the crisis further by going to MORE school. I think I found some solice by jumping into a job, only to discover, years later, that I had just postponed the inevitable -- that is, the crisis of self-discovery: knowing that I do not fully know myself and haven't really learned how to be me. It's quite possible that some people avoid the problem for years after school, by hopping into careers, and relationships, and only when all of those become routine do they realize that something is missing -- and no amount of affairs or red convertables can fill the hole in the heart, the soul, that is the crisis' epicenter. I have always felt it is somewhat ingenuine to distract oneself from this turbulence with too much activity, too much running and hiding, and yet, it may well be that until we are ready to face the questions head-on, running is all we can do.
Perhaps it is melodramatic for you to be experiencing this trauma now, or perhaps it is perceptive of you. The bottom line is that you are in the midst of a very real struggle to find a place for yourself, both within yourself and within the physical world.
There are so many conflicts to be faced with. Do you run like hell and get out of lansing, ithaca, tompkins county -- and start somewhere else with nothing but the hope and dream that you can build a support structure for yourself where-ever you go? Or do you get some solid ground under your feet and feel secure, so that you're in a more grounded and balanced place to make decisions? Is one better than the other, is either possible? What do you want anyway? Nobody knows... or rather, why does it seem like everybody but you knows?
I know this. You carry home around with you in your heart. But I also know this, without grounding, you are not home anywhere. Do you need a tangible, physical grounding in order to find a psychological, emotional place of stability? Or will the psychological, emotional grounding allow you to feel stable in the proper physical locations? Is it chickens or eggs? Do you need a plan to go, or do you go and figure out the plan? Can you just be? Can you be here? Or can you be anywhere?
A lot of people avoid this crisis by just doing what the program dictates and going to more school. And some avoid the crisis further by going to MORE school. I think I found some solice by jumping into a job, only to discover, years later, that I had just postponed the inevitable -- that is, the crisis of self-discovery: knowing that I do not fully know myself and haven't really learned how to be me. It's quite possible that some people avoid the problem for years after school, by hopping into careers, and relationships, and only when all of those become routine do they realize that something is missing -- and no amount of affairs or red convertables can fill the hole in the heart, the soul, that is the crisis' epicenter. I have always felt it is somewhat ingenuine to distract oneself from this turbulence with too much activity, too much running and hiding, and yet, it may well be that until we are ready to face the questions head-on, running is all we can do.
Perhaps it is melodramatic for you to be experiencing this trauma now, or perhaps it is perceptive of you. The bottom line is that you are in the midst of a very real struggle to find a place for yourself, both within yourself and within the physical world.
I've got no answers, only empathy.
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