Now I have a monkey heart.
Fandom, today you make my heart hurt.
No, I know, nothing all that crazy happened today. It's just, I am usually the one saying fandom is what you make it, just put in more good and tip the ratio of batshit-to-sane in your favour, you know? But it's getting to the point where I'm TIRED and I feel like I just keep pouring effort into this tainted pit.
This has nothing to do with my flist. I love you all so much and I love what you do and what you contribute to my experience here. Usually that's totally enough for me and I'm content to ignore whatever else is going on in the other corners of fandom, but for some reason that wall has broken down today.
Just a bad day, I guess. I'll probably be back to normal tomorrow.
I don't know, maybe it has to do with Dreamwidth, too. A lot of people seem to be headed there and I'm not feeling all that welcome to follow. Even if I did feel welcome, I don't want to be an abandoner and I don't want to be abandoned, so... I guess I'll be fucked one way or another, eh?
I tried watching episode 5 of Party Down to get out of this funk, and it worked for the duration of the thing (Crammsy! Dicksnacks! Ron's huge and interesting cock!), but now I'm back at the computer and starting to feel cranky again.
And I have this goal of 5,000 words for this weekend, and as much as I want to escape into my Big Bang, which is my favourite boys and girls and my favourite movie and one of my favourite subjects all rolled into one big gay package, I have this sort of "ugh, who the hell am I doing this for?" feeling. Which is nuts, I know. Like everything I've written before, 99% of why I'm doing it is for me! Especially in this case: I'm the one who requested this all up and down the internets and was denied so many times she decided to write it herself!
I guess I just needed to work that out in an entry somehow?
Sorry if the crankiness somehow spreads because of this post. I definitely don't want that - I hope you guys can make me feel better, instead of me making you feel worse!
No, I know, nothing all that crazy happened today. It's just, I am usually the one saying fandom is what you make it, just put in more good and tip the ratio of batshit-to-sane in your favour, you know? But it's getting to the point where I'm TIRED and I feel like I just keep pouring effort into this tainted pit.
This has nothing to do with my flist. I love you all so much and I love what you do and what you contribute to my experience here. Usually that's totally enough for me and I'm content to ignore whatever else is going on in the other corners of fandom, but for some reason that wall has broken down today.
Just a bad day, I guess. I'll probably be back to normal tomorrow.
I don't know, maybe it has to do with Dreamwidth, too. A lot of people seem to be headed there and I'm not feeling all that welcome to follow. Even if I did feel welcome, I don't want to be an abandoner and I don't want to be abandoned, so... I guess I'll be fucked one way or another, eh?
I tried watching episode 5 of Party Down to get out of this funk, and it worked for the duration of the thing (Crammsy! Dicksnacks! Ron's huge and interesting cock!), but now I'm back at the computer and starting to feel cranky again.
And I have this goal of 5,000 words for this weekend, and as much as I want to escape into my Big Bang, which is my favourite boys and girls and my favourite movie and one of my favourite subjects all rolled into one big gay package, I have this sort of "ugh, who the hell am I doing this for?" feeling. Which is nuts, I know. Like everything I've written before, 99% of why I'm doing it is for me! Especially in this case: I'm the one who requested this all up and down the internets and was denied so many times she decided to write it herself!
I guess I just needed to work that out in an entry somehow?
Sorry if the crankiness somehow spreads because of this post. I definitely don't want that - I hope you guys can make me feel better, instead of me making you feel worse!