DVD Commentary: Nashville On My Mind
I wrote this as a remix for my best friend in all the world, sadiekate. It was a remix of Grand Canyon, a story she wrote a while ago which involved a road trip. And, as the two of us drove from Florida to Los Angeles together one summer, I knew that was the story I had to remix.
Title: Nashville On My Mind
Fandoms: Veronica Mars
Characters: Veronica Mars, Logan Echolls, Duncan Kane
Spoilers: VM 01x22, some for sadiekate's fic Grand Canyon.
Raiting: 17+ (language, violence; no sex)
Summary: Every year, they take a road trip together. This year, it's to Nashville, Tennessee.
Author's Notes: This is a remix of sadiekate's fic Grand Canyon, so you should read that to help you understand. However, if you're lazy: the general idea is that every summer, Duncan, Logan, and Veronica take a road-trip together somewhere, and drink a lot during the process. One year, Veronica and Logan got married in Vegas, but the marriage was soon annulled. Logan kept Veronica's last name, though. And the story is slightly AU in that Duncan and Veronica are actually half-siblings. Anyway. A special thank-you to kittycat22, who provided not only fabulous beta services here, but also taught me a mighty nifty trick in Microsoft Word. And that's a big deal -- I used to teach classes on that program.
--
Some decisions should never be made drunk. Some decisions should simply never be made. If there was a formula for an HJ story, it would be the three-paragraph intro and then random scenes spliced together.
This trip was the result of one of the latter.
No one could remember whose idea it was to drive to Nashville and start a country-western band, but the general consensus held that Logan was the guilty party. Not true. It was Duncan -- that's why he has the schedule he keeps referencing. However, he's a bit embarrassed about that, so blamed Logan. Veronica went with it, as did Logan. Regardless, they arrived in Nashville at nine-thirty on a Tuesday morning.
They had three days to land a gig.
:#:
"We need a hit song," Duncan pointed out. Duncan's plan is taken from South Park. Step One: Song. Step Two: ... Step Three: Fame! He always had to be the logical one with Veronica and Logan; sort of a Twilight Zone experience for him, really.
"Got it covered," Logan said.
In the back seat, Veronica groaned. Duncan was unsure if that was due to Logan's claim or the pothole Duncan drove over, though. She was pretty drunk. Another standard HJ formula: conversation with two people, the rest stay in the story by doing ridiculous things in the background.
"I think I'll need proof," Duncan said.
"My life," Logan said.
Duncan waited for more, but waited in vain. Finally, he prompted, "Your life?"
Logan gestured vehemently with the bottle as he spoke. "Yes! My life. Hicks love their misery music, my-dog-is-dead-but-I-got-my-truck crap. So enter Logan Mars--" In Grand Canyon, Veronica says she appreciates the feminist gesture of Logan taking her name, but is ready for him to give it back. He's not.
"Echolls!" Veronica interjected from the back seat, where she had somehow managed to buckle her seatbelt despite being upside-down.
"--Logan Echolls-Mars, tragic son of Hollywood love lost to lecherous greed and gluttony, a young--"
"You're old!" Veronica taunted gleefully.
"--lothario bad-boy figure who writes songs taken from the travails of a life and love short on years but long on pain and betrayal, flanked by his trusty, loyal comrades-in-arms-of-rock as he sings his songs of self-actualization," -- when drunk, Logan often forgot the role of individual sentences in conversation -- "rousing hits such as, 'My Dad's on Death Row for Fucking and Killing My High-School Girlfriend and All I Got was Her Ugly Brother and an Annulled Marriage to Her Half-Sister'--" If some of this sounds familiar, well... the idea for the whole Nashville thing came from an episode of Pinky and the Brain. I almost had him call himself "Billy Bo-Bob Logan," but decided the reference to Logan Mars was better for the story.
Duncan employed the only sure method he knew would stop Logan's tirade: he reached for the liquor bottle. Drunk logic: the old bait-and-distract method.
"Hey!" Logan shouted (Duncan heard Veronica mumble vaguely, "Is for horses!" from the back seat Sadie says this at times.). Logan held the bottle close to his chest, both arms around it. "My bottle."
"Your bottle," Duncan said.
"I'm gonna love him and hug him and call him George." Another Sadie-ism.
"You do that."
Logan nodded emphatically. He then turned to the back seat to look at Veronica. "Hey, Duncan. Green means she pukes soon, right?"
Duncan put on the turn signal. "Pulling over now."
Veronica made an unpleasant noise. The center console -- and Duncan's right elbow -- was now wet. You know you like my classy way of bringing vomit into the story.
Duncan nodded to himself. "Day two, we lose the rental car deposit. Pretty much right on schedule." The first reference to Duncan's schedule. I tried to make it a running joke, not just to be funny but, like I said above, also because the whole thing was really Duncan's idea.
Logan unbuckled his seatbelt. "Sweet. I'm gonna go shit in the trunk."
:#:
Once the decision to travel to Nashville and start a hit country music band had been made, the trio began to formulate the logistics of said trip.
Logistics, it turns out, should also not be determined while drunk. Not many things really should be, it turns out.
They decided -- for the sake of authenticity -- to rent a pick-up truck for the drive. Duncan chose Again: Duncan! a four-door monstrosity with four-wheel drive and an extended cab, a very roomy vehicle which only required the purchase of naked-lady mud flaps and a NASCAR sticker to achieve the look Logan wanted."Ooh, I want to get one for whoever drives car number sixty-nine," Logan said.
"There is no driver sixty-nine," the clerk said.
"You smell that, Duncan?" Logan asked. He took a deep breath. "Investment opportunity."
However, no one was able to predict Logan's desire to defecate in the trunk. And, as there was no actual trunk, Logan tried to make the most of the situation: he opened the sliding glass which led to the truck bed and tried to direct things out the window. He might have succeeded, as Logan was both experienced at and possessed of a natural affinity for going to the bathroom in alternative locations That is my favorite phrase of the story. For how eloquently structured it is, it's still talking about shitting in weird spots. Hee!, except that Veronica unbuckled her seatbelt and fell over into him.
The nearest exit later, the three of them -- much more sober than before, per force -- stood a good deal away from the truck as an attendant cleaned it.
"And thus, the world has its first $5,000 truck detailing," Veronica said. The guy wouldn't do it for less.
"I can't believe we resorted to fecal hijinks," Duncan said. "That wasn't on the schedule until day never."
"It's a new low," Veronica agreed. "Even for us."
"Let us never speak of this again," Logan said. Duncan and Veronica nodded, and all three hooked their pinky fingers together to complete the pact. When in doubt, pinky swear.
:#:
"Duncan, man, you look like a guy who dates his sister," Logan said. "Put your other clothes back on. Then you just look like a guy who used to date his sister."
Duncan punched Logan in the shoulder. Hard. "Dumbass."
The first part of the Master Plan to achieve Country Music Glory consisted of dressing the part. This is to get a Hit Song. Beyond that, there is no plan. Also, when writing a story for your female best friend, you need to get Logan in tight pants. Thus, they went into a country and western store to buy clothes. Logan wore a pair of tight Wranglers, a button-down chambray shirt, and cowboy boots. Duncan had on overalls. Just overalls.
Logan rubbed his shoulder. "I'm sorry, but you forgot to phrase your violence in the form of a question. Looks like I'll be the one making out with your sister tonight."
"I'm sorry, did you switch bodies with Christian Bale while I wasn't looking?" Veronica asked. She exited the changing room. "I told you before, that was the only way it was going to happen."
Logan and Duncan turned around to see Veronica's outfit.
"Well, slap a hat on my head and call me Bo Duke, 'cause for sure Cousin Daisy has come to play," Logan said.
Veronica had on a pair of tiny denim shorts, a tied-off button-down shirt, and pigtails under a cowboy hat. She grinned and kicked her hips out to the side. "Why, I do declare, you sure look like a fine, upstanding Southern gentleman," she said. She turned to Duncan and cringed. "You -- Actually, you look like the type of guy who marries his cousin."
"Or dates his sister," Logan added.
"Dude, how many times do we have to say we didn't know?" Duncan said.
"Besides, Jake Kane got around," Veronica said. "How do you know he's not your father, too?"
"What, Aaron Echols not be my dad? Come on, you know I'm not that lucky."
They stood there quietly for a moment. Until Duncan shoved Logan and Veronica slapped him across the back of his head. There is not a whole lot to talk about in this scene. It's largely pretty obvious. Their knowledge of the South consists of TV and other pop culture items only. They are tired of Logan being emo, and don't let him be. Etc. etc.
"Buzz kill!" Duncan admonished.
"Seriously, Logan. If you're all brooding and depressed, how will we ever get our annual angry, drunken sex in?"
Duncan cringed. "And on that note," he said, and walked over to the register.
Logan watched him go, then grinned at Veronica. "What say we mosey on down to the karaoke bar and get those pipes warmed up -- after all, you're going to be screaming my name a lot tonight."
"Before, during, and after," Veronica agreed. "The only difference being which pronoun follows the word 'fuck'."
"You, me, you." When writing for a person, it is key to know your audience. Combining grammar references and dirty pillow talk is a sure way to most geek ladies' hearts.
"Aw, you remember!" She clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "It sets a girl's heart all aflutter."
"That's because I'm talented."
"Well, you're something."
Duncan yelled from the front of the store, "Will you two stop taunting each other? No one wants to listen to your twisted foreplay!"
:#:
Veronica gave Logan a look.
When it came to looks Veronica gave Logan, there was really only one with (thus-far) infinite subtle permutations. Logan liked to describe it grammatically: there was the root look, and then situational suffixes. Again with the grammar references. I'm not sure why that's a theme in this one. Maybe Logan had a crush on an English professor in college.
The root look said, "Oh, God, Logan, are you really going to--"
That part was pretty standard. The situational suffix was where the true art form of the look happened. Veronica's range was legendary. There was the lip-purse of, "--try to steal that street performer's monkey?" The head-tilt of, "--give that biker a wedgie?" was a classic, as was the opposite-direction head-tilt of, "--drink that entire bottle of tequila yourself?" He had a definite soft spot in his heart for the you're-going-to-hell open-mouth of, "--masquerade as a Satanic missionary in Salt Lake City?"
Logan loved to discover a new suffix.
He especially liked the newest one, the oh-I-dare-you smirk of, "--do 'Welcome to the Jungle' in a karaoke bar in Nashville?"
:#:
"You got us kicked out of the karaoke bar at 9:30," Duncan said. "That wasn't on the schedule for another hour."
Logan grinned.
"It was a lovely pole dance, though," Veronica said. She held out Logan's jeans for him to put back on. I thought about adding in a little bit where Logan and Veronica break down the artistry of the pole dance while Duncan sits on the curb and people drop change for him, thinking he's a bum.
"Why, thank you."
"I could've done without the part where you dedicated it to 'all the brothers and sisters in this bar who have fucked each other,'" Duncan pointed out.
"Especially when you mentioned us," Veronica said. "The fact that I'm nearly out of traumatic events to discuss with my therapist is a good thing, not cause to create more."
Logan left his pants unbuttoned; they were too tight to button without lying down. "Veronica. If that was true, would you really still hang out with me?" And this line was dedicated to Sadie's mother.
:#:
Duncan and Veronica stood together in the kitchen.
"Okay. You're a detective," Duncan said. "Can you explain to me how we ended up in Kenny Chesney's hotel room playing SEGA hockey with him and a bunch of models and actresses and country music stars?" Interestingly, just this Saturday night, I was out with a friend of mine and she told me about the time she was down in the Carribean and ran into Kid Rock and Kenny Chesney partying together. However, she decided to flirt with Kid Rock, not Kenny Chesney, which I think is clearly a mistake.
"Yes. I've narrowed it down to two options."
Duncan nodded. "Hit me." He winced. "No, not literally. Tell me the options."
"Oh. Okay. Right. Either Logan put some hallucinogenic drugs in my drink, or Jon Favreau is writing the script of our lives."
"I think I'm drunk enough to accept that."
"Do you think Kenny Chesney would make out with me?" Veronica asked.
"Follow the schedule, Veronica. Logan doesn't get us arrested for assaulting a celebrity until day three. Day two in the city. Day three in the city?" Duncan consulted his mental schedule. "Wait. Today. What day is it?"
Veronica sighed. "Duncan, it's night." This is my favorite line of the whole story. I don't know why. Just thinking about it makes me giggle, though.
"You know what? Fuck the schedule. I bet Nashville jails are nice. Go make out with Kenny Chesney, sis."
-:-
Title: Nashville On My Mind
Fandoms: Veronica Mars
Characters: Veronica Mars, Logan Echolls, Duncan Kane
Spoilers: VM 01x22, some for sadiekate's fic Grand Canyon.
Raiting: 17+ (language, violence; no sex)
Summary: Every year, they take a road trip together. This year, it's to Nashville, Tennessee.
Author's Notes: This is a remix of sadiekate's fic Grand Canyon, so you should read that to help you understand. However, if you're lazy: the general idea is that every summer, Duncan, Logan, and Veronica take a road-trip together somewhere, and drink a lot during the process. One year, Veronica and Logan got married in Vegas, but the marriage was soon annulled. Logan kept Veronica's last name, though. And the story is slightly AU in that Duncan and Veronica are actually half-siblings. Anyway. A special thank-you to kittycat22, who provided not only fabulous beta services here, but also taught me a mighty nifty trick in Microsoft Word. And that's a big deal -- I used to teach classes on that program.
--
Some decisions should never be made drunk. Some decisions should simply never be made. If there was a formula for an HJ story, it would be the three-paragraph intro and then random scenes spliced together.
This trip was the result of one of the latter.
No one could remember whose idea it was to drive to Nashville and start a country-western band, but the general consensus held that Logan was the guilty party. Not true. It was Duncan -- that's why he has the schedule he keeps referencing. However, he's a bit embarrassed about that, so blamed Logan. Veronica went with it, as did Logan. Regardless, they arrived in Nashville at nine-thirty on a Tuesday morning.
They had three days to land a gig.
:#:
"We need a hit song," Duncan pointed out. Duncan's plan is taken from South Park. Step One: Song. Step Two: ... Step Three: Fame! He always had to be the logical one with Veronica and Logan; sort of a Twilight Zone experience for him, really.
"Got it covered," Logan said.
In the back seat, Veronica groaned. Duncan was unsure if that was due to Logan's claim or the pothole Duncan drove over, though. She was pretty drunk. Another standard HJ formula: conversation with two people, the rest stay in the story by doing ridiculous things in the background.
"I think I'll need proof," Duncan said.
"My life," Logan said.
Duncan waited for more, but waited in vain. Finally, he prompted, "Your life?"
Logan gestured vehemently with the bottle as he spoke. "Yes! My life. Hicks love their misery music, my-dog-is-dead-but-I-got-my-truck crap. So enter Logan Mars--" In Grand Canyon, Veronica says she appreciates the feminist gesture of Logan taking her name, but is ready for him to give it back. He's not.
"Echolls!" Veronica interjected from the back seat, where she had somehow managed to buckle her seatbelt despite being upside-down.
"--Logan Echolls-Mars, tragic son of Hollywood love lost to lecherous greed and gluttony, a young--"
"You're old!" Veronica taunted gleefully.
"--lothario bad-boy figure who writes songs taken from the travails of a life and love short on years but long on pain and betrayal, flanked by his trusty, loyal comrades-in-arms-of-rock as he sings his songs of self-actualization," -- when drunk, Logan often forgot the role of individual sentences in conversation -- "rousing hits such as, 'My Dad's on Death Row for Fucking and Killing My High-School Girlfriend and All I Got was Her Ugly Brother and an Annulled Marriage to Her Half-Sister'--" If some of this sounds familiar, well... the idea for the whole Nashville thing came from an episode of Pinky and the Brain. I almost had him call himself "Billy Bo-Bob Logan," but decided the reference to Logan Mars was better for the story.
Duncan employed the only sure method he knew would stop Logan's tirade: he reached for the liquor bottle. Drunk logic: the old bait-and-distract method.
"Hey!" Logan shouted (Duncan heard Veronica mumble vaguely, "Is for horses!" from the back seat Sadie says this at times.). Logan held the bottle close to his chest, both arms around it. "My bottle."
"Your bottle," Duncan said.
"I'm gonna love him and hug him and call him George." Another Sadie-ism.
"You do that."
Logan nodded emphatically. He then turned to the back seat to look at Veronica. "Hey, Duncan. Green means she pukes soon, right?"
Duncan put on the turn signal. "Pulling over now."
Veronica made an unpleasant noise. The center console -- and Duncan's right elbow -- was now wet. You know you like my classy way of bringing vomit into the story.
Duncan nodded to himself. "Day two, we lose the rental car deposit. Pretty much right on schedule." The first reference to Duncan's schedule. I tried to make it a running joke, not just to be funny but, like I said above, also because the whole thing was really Duncan's idea.
Logan unbuckled his seatbelt. "Sweet. I'm gonna go shit in the trunk."
:#:
Once the decision to travel to Nashville and start a hit country music band had been made, the trio began to formulate the logistics of said trip.
Logistics, it turns out, should also not be determined while drunk. Not many things really should be, it turns out.
They decided -- for the sake of authenticity -- to rent a pick-up truck for the drive. Duncan chose Again: Duncan! a four-door monstrosity with four-wheel drive and an extended cab, a very roomy vehicle which only required the purchase of naked-lady mud flaps and a NASCAR sticker to achieve the look Logan wanted."Ooh, I want to get one for whoever drives car number sixty-nine," Logan said.
"There is no driver sixty-nine," the clerk said.
"You smell that, Duncan?" Logan asked. He took a deep breath. "Investment opportunity."
However, no one was able to predict Logan's desire to defecate in the trunk. And, as there was no actual trunk, Logan tried to make the most of the situation: he opened the sliding glass which led to the truck bed and tried to direct things out the window. He might have succeeded, as Logan was both experienced at and possessed of a natural affinity for going to the bathroom in alternative locations That is my favorite phrase of the story. For how eloquently structured it is, it's still talking about shitting in weird spots. Hee!, except that Veronica unbuckled her seatbelt and fell over into him.
The nearest exit later, the three of them -- much more sober than before, per force -- stood a good deal away from the truck as an attendant cleaned it.
"And thus, the world has its first $5,000 truck detailing," Veronica said. The guy wouldn't do it for less.
"I can't believe we resorted to fecal hijinks," Duncan said. "That wasn't on the schedule until day never."
"It's a new low," Veronica agreed. "Even for us."
"Let us never speak of this again," Logan said. Duncan and Veronica nodded, and all three hooked their pinky fingers together to complete the pact. When in doubt, pinky swear.
:#:
"Duncan, man, you look like a guy who dates his sister," Logan said. "Put your other clothes back on. Then you just look like a guy who used to date his sister."
Duncan punched Logan in the shoulder. Hard. "Dumbass."
The first part of the Master Plan to achieve Country Music Glory consisted of dressing the part. This is to get a Hit Song. Beyond that, there is no plan. Also, when writing a story for your female best friend, you need to get Logan in tight pants. Thus, they went into a country and western store to buy clothes. Logan wore a pair of tight Wranglers, a button-down chambray shirt, and cowboy boots. Duncan had on overalls. Just overalls.
Logan rubbed his shoulder. "I'm sorry, but you forgot to phrase your violence in the form of a question. Looks like I'll be the one making out with your sister tonight."
"I'm sorry, did you switch bodies with Christian Bale while I wasn't looking?" Veronica asked. She exited the changing room. "I told you before, that was the only way it was going to happen."
Logan and Duncan turned around to see Veronica's outfit.
"Well, slap a hat on my head and call me Bo Duke, 'cause for sure Cousin Daisy has come to play," Logan said.
Veronica had on a pair of tiny denim shorts, a tied-off button-down shirt, and pigtails under a cowboy hat. She grinned and kicked her hips out to the side. "Why, I do declare, you sure look like a fine, upstanding Southern gentleman," she said. She turned to Duncan and cringed. "You -- Actually, you look like the type of guy who marries his cousin."
"Or dates his sister," Logan added.
"Dude, how many times do we have to say we didn't know?" Duncan said.
"Besides, Jake Kane got around," Veronica said. "How do you know he's not your father, too?"
"What, Aaron Echols not be my dad? Come on, you know I'm not that lucky."
They stood there quietly for a moment. Until Duncan shoved Logan and Veronica slapped him across the back of his head. There is not a whole lot to talk about in this scene. It's largely pretty obvious. Their knowledge of the South consists of TV and other pop culture items only. They are tired of Logan being emo, and don't let him be. Etc. etc.
"Buzz kill!" Duncan admonished.
"Seriously, Logan. If you're all brooding and depressed, how will we ever get our annual angry, drunken sex in?"
Duncan cringed. "And on that note," he said, and walked over to the register.
Logan watched him go, then grinned at Veronica. "What say we mosey on down to the karaoke bar and get those pipes warmed up -- after all, you're going to be screaming my name a lot tonight."
"Before, during, and after," Veronica agreed. "The only difference being which pronoun follows the word 'fuck'."
"You, me, you." When writing for a person, it is key to know your audience. Combining grammar references and dirty pillow talk is a sure way to most geek ladies' hearts.
"Aw, you remember!" She clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "It sets a girl's heart all aflutter."
"That's because I'm talented."
"Well, you're something."
Duncan yelled from the front of the store, "Will you two stop taunting each other? No one wants to listen to your twisted foreplay!"
:#:
Veronica gave Logan a look.
When it came to looks Veronica gave Logan, there was really only one with (thus-far) infinite subtle permutations. Logan liked to describe it grammatically: there was the root look, and then situational suffixes. Again with the grammar references. I'm not sure why that's a theme in this one. Maybe Logan had a crush on an English professor in college.
The root look said, "Oh, God, Logan, are you really going to--"
That part was pretty standard. The situational suffix was where the true art form of the look happened. Veronica's range was legendary. There was the lip-purse of, "--try to steal that street performer's monkey?" The head-tilt of, "--give that biker a wedgie?" was a classic, as was the opposite-direction head-tilt of, "--drink that entire bottle of tequila yourself?" He had a definite soft spot in his heart for the you're-going-to-hell open-mouth of, "--masquerade as a Satanic missionary in Salt Lake City?"
Logan loved to discover a new suffix.
He especially liked the newest one, the oh-I-dare-you smirk of, "--do 'Welcome to the Jungle' in a karaoke bar in Nashville?"
:#:
"You got us kicked out of the karaoke bar at 9:30," Duncan said. "That wasn't on the schedule for another hour."
Logan grinned.
"It was a lovely pole dance, though," Veronica said. She held out Logan's jeans for him to put back on. I thought about adding in a little bit where Logan and Veronica break down the artistry of the pole dance while Duncan sits on the curb and people drop change for him, thinking he's a bum.
"Why, thank you."
"I could've done without the part where you dedicated it to 'all the brothers and sisters in this bar who have fucked each other,'" Duncan pointed out.
"Especially when you mentioned us," Veronica said. "The fact that I'm nearly out of traumatic events to discuss with my therapist is a good thing, not cause to create more."
Logan left his pants unbuttoned; they were too tight to button without lying down. "Veronica. If that was true, would you really still hang out with me?" And this line was dedicated to Sadie's mother.
:#:
Duncan and Veronica stood together in the kitchen.
"Okay. You're a detective," Duncan said. "Can you explain to me how we ended up in Kenny Chesney's hotel room playing SEGA hockey with him and a bunch of models and actresses and country music stars?" Interestingly, just this Saturday night, I was out with a friend of mine and she told me about the time she was down in the Carribean and ran into Kid Rock and Kenny Chesney partying together. However, she decided to flirt with Kid Rock, not Kenny Chesney, which I think is clearly a mistake.
"Yes. I've narrowed it down to two options."
Duncan nodded. "Hit me." He winced. "No, not literally. Tell me the options."
"Oh. Okay. Right. Either Logan put some hallucinogenic drugs in my drink, or Jon Favreau is writing the script of our lives."
"I think I'm drunk enough to accept that."
"Do you think Kenny Chesney would make out with me?" Veronica asked.
"Follow the schedule, Veronica. Logan doesn't get us arrested for assaulting a celebrity until day three. Day two in the city. Day three in the city?" Duncan consulted his mental schedule. "Wait. Today. What day is it?"
Veronica sighed. "Duncan, it's night." This is my favorite line of the whole story. I don't know why. Just thinking about it makes me giggle, though.
"You know what? Fuck the schedule. I bet Nashville jails are nice. Go make out with Kenny Chesney, sis."
-:-