倖田來未 - I'll be there
I love this song. It always manages to make me feel good and summery, no matter what season it is, or how icky it looks outside, or how icky i feel inside.
Yesterday we went to Fire & Ice, which I havent been to in FOREVER. Id forgotten how much I liked it. I also forgot that it was like 17 dollars. Fuck that, if I need a buffet, I can find a cheap chinese or indian one.... Good God I havent been to Golden Panda all summer....this is a problem. As soon as I go home this week, the first order of business is going to that bitch. Love me some GoPan.
I was also really dumb yesterday. Part of me had always hoped that when Richard dissed me, he dissed me because he actually didnt have time to hang out and stuff, and when he got the time..he would un-diss me - so when I was in harvard sqaure last nite. I sent him a text, something to the effect of 'im in harvard square and wanted to say hi' blah blah. And of course, I didnt get a response. I guess it really sunk in that his excuse was just that: an excuse - a way for him to get away from me without 'hurting my feelings.' I mean, saying 'youre a fat ugly troll looking demon child' is a lot more harsh than saying 'oops sorry im busy taking care of inner city children.' I always knew it was the case from the beginning. I did. Because if someone is really into you, it doesnt matter how busy they are. They will find every spare possible moment to just say something to you. And I knew that. But I listened to Han (big mistake) who convinced me not to be so pessimistic about the situation. But what would she know about being ignored, bitch constantly has 324329 men telling her how CHILL she is and how much they want to date her. But I cant completely blame her. I let myself be convinced. I CAN completely blame stupid romantic comedies - cus that shit NEVAR HAPPENS.
Its hard being so insecure. Im constantly looking the mirror and being like 'bleh, is that all.' Ive already started planning out how my eating habits will go once I go back to school. Im planning on eating yogurt, salad, flavorless grilled chicken, and rice. And thats it. For at least 2 weeks. For now. Its going to be hard though. I live with a group who bonds over late night eating. So ill just have to be super will power man. Ill try and find time to workout as well, but thats a lot harder to schedule in. But ill see what I can do. I dont know why I think Ill be less insecure if I have a 6 pack or something. Its just the only solution I can think of. I'm 5'8", 145ish pounds, with a 30 inch waist. Im not a big dude. I know this. But I still feel like it. This is really fucked. The most prominent thing that Ive taken away from college is insecurity. Certainly not a better sense of self, and a feeling that Im going to make it in the world. Im just as confused about my life, and dont feel any better about myself. The good news is that I learned I really like Caesar salads, so thatll make the dieting thing a little bit easier. Obvi going light on the dressing though.
Im cold. My nip nips are sore from protruding so much.
Im such a sensible person. I hate that. Ive never done something cray cray and teenager like, cus Ive always thought the situation too through. Ive never blacked out from drinking. Ive never snuck out. Ive never gone on a trip to a really far place on a whim. I dont have stories. Tim was telling me about how he got drunk and broke into someones house - and while im not sure I wanna reach THAT level of crazy, I just wish I had something to take away from my younger years. Im too smart for my own good. Not book smart (obviously) but common sense smart. Its a good and bad thing. It just makes life so boring. I need to do something crazy, and on a whim. And soon. And post all the wild crazy pics on Facebook, like all the "cool" kids do.
Sometimes I think all my problems would be solved if I just packed up and left and started over somewhere new. But Id probably think about it too much.
Yesterday we went to Fire & Ice, which I havent been to in FOREVER. Id forgotten how much I liked it. I also forgot that it was like 17 dollars. Fuck that, if I need a buffet, I can find a cheap chinese or indian one.... Good God I havent been to Golden Panda all summer....this is a problem. As soon as I go home this week, the first order of business is going to that bitch. Love me some GoPan.
I was also really dumb yesterday. Part of me had always hoped that when Richard dissed me, he dissed me because he actually didnt have time to hang out and stuff, and when he got the time..he would un-diss me - so when I was in harvard sqaure last nite. I sent him a text, something to the effect of 'im in harvard square and wanted to say hi' blah blah. And of course, I didnt get a response. I guess it really sunk in that his excuse was just that: an excuse - a way for him to get away from me without 'hurting my feelings.' I mean, saying 'youre a fat ugly troll looking demon child' is a lot more harsh than saying 'oops sorry im busy taking care of inner city children.' I always knew it was the case from the beginning. I did. Because if someone is really into you, it doesnt matter how busy they are. They will find every spare possible moment to just say something to you. And I knew that. But I listened to Han (big mistake) who convinced me not to be so pessimistic about the situation. But what would she know about being ignored, bitch constantly has 324329 men telling her how CHILL she is and how much they want to date her. But I cant completely blame her. I let myself be convinced. I CAN completely blame stupid romantic comedies - cus that shit NEVAR HAPPENS.
Its hard being so insecure. Im constantly looking the mirror and being like 'bleh, is that all.' Ive already started planning out how my eating habits will go once I go back to school. Im planning on eating yogurt, salad, flavorless grilled chicken, and rice. And thats it. For at least 2 weeks. For now. Its going to be hard though. I live with a group who bonds over late night eating. So ill just have to be super will power man. Ill try and find time to workout as well, but thats a lot harder to schedule in. But ill see what I can do. I dont know why I think Ill be less insecure if I have a 6 pack or something. Its just the only solution I can think of. I'm 5'8", 145ish pounds, with a 30 inch waist. Im not a big dude. I know this. But I still feel like it. This is really fucked. The most prominent thing that Ive taken away from college is insecurity. Certainly not a better sense of self, and a feeling that Im going to make it in the world. Im just as confused about my life, and dont feel any better about myself. The good news is that I learned I really like Caesar salads, so thatll make the dieting thing a little bit easier. Obvi going light on the dressing though.
Im cold. My nip nips are sore from protruding so much.
Im such a sensible person. I hate that. Ive never done something cray cray and teenager like, cus Ive always thought the situation too through. Ive never blacked out from drinking. Ive never snuck out. Ive never gone on a trip to a really far place on a whim. I dont have stories. Tim was telling me about how he got drunk and broke into someones house - and while im not sure I wanna reach THAT level of crazy, I just wish I had something to take away from my younger years. Im too smart for my own good. Not book smart (obviously) but common sense smart. Its a good and bad thing. It just makes life so boring. I need to do something crazy, and on a whim. And soon. And post all the wild crazy pics on Facebook, like all the "cool" kids do.
Sometimes I think all my problems would be solved if I just packed up and left and started over somewhere new. But Id probably think about it too much.