What Has Always Been There, Part Four
title: What Has Always Been There
author: nihongofrancais
genre: RPS, NEWS
pairing: Koyama/YamaPi
rating: overall PG-13
words: just under 39,000 words
disclaimer: the boys believe they own themselves; really Johnny owns 'em all. *snicker*
summary: Often, we find we don't realize what we have until it's gone. YamaPi struggles to cope in the aftermath of the announcement of NEWS's hiatus.
author's note: a labor of love in the name of my OTP KoyamaPi, originally inspired by YamaPi's February 2007 appearance on Shounen Club Premium and written over the span of one year from March 2007 through March 2008. Thanks to anamuan for betaing the majority of this monster and tinyangl, 4_03_am and jadedfrenzy for being my test readers. There is love for each and every one of you. ♥
part zero | part one | part two | part three | part four | coda |
date: 05/05/06 14:53
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Have you eaten the lobster yet?
You should, it's better fresh!
I ate mine as soon as we got back
from Hokkaido. Luckily,
my sister is an excellent cook.
Though where exactly she learned
to cook lobster, Mom and I still
have no idea.
*~*~*
date: 05/05/06 16:34
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
We're eating it tonight!
Mom wanted to make the most
of it, so my sister, brother-in-law,
and nephew are coming over to
eat it with us. Mom was impressed
with your ability to pick lobster.
She said you'd make a good chef. (^ ^)
*~*~*
date: 06/05/06 07:16
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
I'd be a horrible chef!
I'd eat all the food before any of
the food got to the table! ┳┳ ヽ(^▽^ゞ）
But I'm glad your mother liked
the lobster. The old man who sold it to me
told me it was a good catch!
I hope everything went well with
the dinner! (^__^)
*~*~*
date: 06/05/06 13:03
to YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
That's true. You probably would.（≧∇≦）
Dinner went well.
Haru-kun's first taste of
fresh lobster and he loved it.
He told me to make sure and
say thank you to Uncle YamaPi. ♥
*~*~*
Koyama could hear the familiar strains of "Sayaendou" faintly as he climbed up the stairs after finishing in the ofuro and as soon as he stepped into his room, he found his cell phone vibrating, begging for attention.
Going over, he flipped the cell phone open, noting that it was YamaPi calling just before answering. "Hello?"
"It's me."
"I know that," Koyama chuckled, plopping down in his desk chair while rubbing at his still damp hair with a small towel. "But the question becomes why are you calling me at one in the morning? It's a little suspicious."
"…the truth is I need you to bail me out of jail."
"I only have a hundred yen on me. Sorry," Koyama deadpanned, playing along. "Why don't you use your conning skills that you've so keenly honed in Kurosagi?"
"All I've done on Kurosagi is cosplay and eat lots of ice cream. I don't see how either of those things is going to help me." Koyama found himself slowly chuckling as he imagined YamaPi pouting as his unsatisfied voice indicated.
"Too bad." Koyama switched sides with the phone and then continued. "Seriously though. What's up?"
"Night location shooting," YamaPi replied with a slight yawn. "I'm in the car on the way home right now though; I thought maybe you could keep me awake for a little bit?"
"At one in the morning?"
"It's not like you were sleeping, right?"
Koyama frowned at YamaPi's oddly knowing tone. "I wasn't, but who's to say I couldn't be?"
"I just had an inkling that you'd be up. Studying?"
Throwing his wet towel onto his already prepared futon (despite his mother constantly scolding him not to), Koyama turned in his chair to sit properly at his desk, sifting through a mildly thick pile of printed readings. "I have some readings I need to get through before my seminar tomorrow afternoon and I figured it'd be better to get them done tonight and let them sink in rather than trying to read them right before. Shouldn't take too long though. An hour and a half, tops."
"See? So you were up anyways. …and that reminds me. I have to go to class this Friday."
Koyama arched his eyebrow as he continued to sort through the packet, separating the readings, five in total. "As opposed to going to class tomorrow maybe?"
"That American literature class I signed up for? He won't be passing out the book list until he finishes the general introduction part of the course, which is next week. I was thinking about maybe trying to get half of the reading done if I can swing it, even if I can't go to class all that often."
"Hmm…" Koyama had started skimming the first couple of pages of the first reading, a critical piece on a lesser known work of Enchi Fumiko's, Masks.
"Stop reading; you can do that later."
"You sound like Ryo." Koyama shook his head, turning his attention away from the readings. "'You have ME on the phone. What could possibly be more interesting?'"
"Which of course is code for, 'Don't ignore me please!'"
YamaPi's imitation of a pitiful-sounding Ryo sent the both of them into chuckles.
"We shouldn't make fun of Ryo."
"No, we really shouldn't," YamaPi agreed, biting back on a final chuckle. "Change of topic, but is Haru-kun really calling me Uncle YamaPi?"
"He is! Apparently, after the lobster, you have become Haru's personal idol."
"If only I could win over all my fans with lobster."
"Somehow, I think you're doing just fine without the lobster."
"Well, we'll find out if that really is true when 'Daite Senorita' releases now, won't we?"
Koyama's red pen that had been underlying a few key lines in his reading suddenly stopped. "If Johnny-san said you'll sell, you'll sell. He's usually never wrong about these kinds of things, you know."
"I do know," YamaPi returned with a small sigh. Koyama imagined him slumped in the back seat of the car, staring out the window at late night Tokyo. "I can't help but be worried though. I mean, can I really meet their expectations? What if the numbers for the single are too low? What then?"
Koyama chuckled softly, dropping his pen. "I think you know too much about how this business works, and that's just making you paranoid."
"I'm not paranoid," YamaPi returned indignantly.
"Okay, maybe not paranoid, but overly worried maybe?" Koyama picked up the red pen once more and instead of taking proper notes began to doodle on the edges of the printed paper. "This might sound weird coming from me, because I'm just as much of a worrywart, but I think you should just, I don't know, go with the flow? I'm just pretty sure that everything will work out."
"I don't get how you are able to be so optimistic sometimes."
"It's my member love." Koyama randomly scribbled a lopsided heart onto his reading, one that he would surely be taunted about later should his classmates catch sight of it. "You know, even though we're on hiatus, it still works wonders when it comes to calming my jitters."
*~*~*
date: 09/05/06 16:46
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
I want to go to the beach~
But instead, I'm coming back from Chiba.
The last recording session for
the single is after this.
Finishing off the recording on
"Himawari".
What are you up to?
*~*~*
date: 010/05/06 00:14
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
YamaPi~~~~~~~!
PI-CHAN!!!!!
PIPI~! ＼ ( ＊ ⌒ ▽ ⌒ @ ) ／
YOUR MY BESTEST FRIEND~
I'LL KEEP ALL YOUR SECRETS 4EVA
AND EVA.
PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE~
STICK A NEEDLE IN MY eYe! ＼(>o<)／
*~*~*
date: 010/05/06 08:26
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Um, is everything okay?
*~*~*
date: 10/05/06 13:03
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
m（＿ ＿；；m
I'm sorry about that. I thought
I hadn't sent it, but I guess I did. I was barhopping
last night with some Meiji friends and it
kind of got out of hand.
Please just ignore that.
It's embarrassing. (-_-)
*~*~*
date: 11/05/06 12:34
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
I just ran into Shige on the train.
So, you're the type to send drunk messages
rather than drunk dial, huh?
I never pictured you as a giddy drunk,
though I suppose it's not that huge
a stretch of the imagination.
It's kind of endearing, in an odd, drunk way.
…we should go drinking some time. Dヽ(^○^)
*~*~*
date: 11/05/06 15:19
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
Are you trying to break my spirit? ―( T _ T )→
I just came out of my first advising session
for my graduation thesis and then
I saw your message.
Shige must die.
*~*~*
date: 11/05/06 23:57
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Don't kill the messenger!
Well, I suppose he wasn't the messenger,
but I still don't think you should kill Shige.
Maybe a just a few whip lashes? (￢ー￢) フフ
God, I feel like I haven't slept for like three days. (=_=)
I think I'll sleep now.
*~*~*
date: 12/05/06 09:07
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
Don't worry about Shige.
I already dealt with him. (￢ー￢) フフ
I think I'm starting to sound like Ryo. (O.o)
What is it that they say?
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
I guess that's not totally accurate.
I like, "Absence makes the heart look like
the other hearts," better.
I wonder if Ryo is somewhere out there
cheering, "Let's do our best!!" o(*⌒O⌒)ｂ
*~*~*
"Those aren't your normal brand."
YamaPi momentarily stopped his vicious pushing of the button on the cigarette vending machine and glanced behind him at the origin of the voice. "Oh, Toma! It's been awhile."
Toma smiled, stepping up to the coffee vending machine next to the cigarette one with which YamaPi appeared to be battling. "Since we went out to dinner that one time in March," Toma added, dropping his money into the machine's coin slot. "Did you ever go to that restaurant I told you about?"
"I did! It was really good Indian food; thanks for recommending it."
"No problem," Toma waved off, just as his can of hot coffee tumbled loudly out of the machine into the drop shoot.
Watching Toma retrieve his own vending machine purchase turned YamaPi's attention back to his own frustration of wanting a cigarette, but the vending machine refusing to give it to him. Steeling himself, he gave the button one more long push, hoping his cigarettes would come tumbling out. After waiting a long moment, finally the illusive pack of Lucky Strikes fell into the drop shoot and YamaPi collected it happily.
"No Marlboros today?" Toma looked back at the cigarette machine (a pack of Marlboros prominent in the display window) as YamaPi quickly freed his Lucky Strikes from their cellophane wrapping.
"I thought I would try something different," YamaPi answered, taking a seat on the cheap neon blue sofa of the photo studio's break room. "What are you doing here?"
"I was in the next studio over doing shoots for the usual smorgasboard of idol magazines and I heard you were doing the same." Toma plopped down next to YamaPi on the somewhat hard sofa and popped the pull-tab on his coffee can, taking a quick sip. "I stopped by your studio, but the staff said you'd left to take your break and I figured I might find you here."
"Well, you were right, as always," YamaPi returned with a light smile, taking his lighter to the cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth and lighting it. He inhaled, taking a second to pause and note the difference in smell, in taste, in feel. It was something new, and yet, he did not find himself hating the difference all that much. He could get used it. With time, he thought he could grow to really like it even.
"What's been going on with you lately, Pi?"
Toma's voice drew him out of his reverie, and YamaPi leaned forward, tapping his cigarette against the side of the ashtray on the coffee table while looking back at his friend. "Hmm? Me?"
"Yes, you," Toma emphasized, a serious expression settling on his normally light, easy-going features. "I heard everything from Jin. About NEWS. About how you've been upset and-"
"Jin told you?" YamaPi, who had been bringing his cigarette back up to his mouth and moving to lean back against the sofa, stopped midway in his actions. His eyes narrowed and he just blinked at Toma. "Why did Jin tell you anything?"
Toma took in the way YamaPi seemed to tense up at the mention of the entire situation-his voice accusing and sounding somewhat betrayed-and realized too late that broad-siding YamaPi with the topic probably had not been one of his brightest moments. "We ran into each other at the main office after some meetings and ended up having lunch together in the cafeteria. You came up, and he was concerned, so we talked." Toma watched carefully as YamaPi took a long drag from his cigarette, quietly closing his eyes as he exhaled. "He was afraid you'd get mad at him-"
"I am mad. Sort of." YamaPi's eyes were still closed. He took another quicker, shorter drag and a moment later, released the smoke from his lips in a gentle exhale. "I didn't want to tell you. I thought you'd get upset. I mean, me debuting in NEWS stole all your dreams of debut. And you were so mad about it…"
Toma recalled the moment he had heard from YamaPi that NEWS was to officially debut and become a permanent group, leaving the Four Tops to forever remain an incomplete three. He had been upset. Really upset. Never at YamaPi though. Rather, it was the situation into which they were being forced. And now… "I was." Toma smiled gently. "But that was three years ago and I'm over it. I may never be a true idol, but I think I'm alright with that. Acting keeps me busy enough as it is.
"Besides, I wouldn't let that get in the way of looking out for my friends when they need me. You should've told me, Pi."
YamaPi sighed, opening his eyes. "Dammit, it's really weird when Jin is right."
Toma arched an eyebrow at YamaPi's back as the idol bent forward to ash his cigarette again. "Isn't that an oxymoron?"
YamaPi chuckled, and it was heavier than he would have liked, but everything about the conversation they were having was heavy at this point. "It should be, but he was the one who told me I should've told you first. That you are good with this kind of stuff."
"I should send him a thank you card for saying such nice things." Toma met YamaPi's eyes and grinned, causing the other to break into a small grin as well.
For a while, the two sat there together quietly, comfortably-Toma nursing his small can of coffee and YamaPi finishing off his cigarette. It was always like this when they met: a sense that a good deal of time has passed, that they had clearly changed and yet, their friendship remained a reliable constant.
"You seemed a little agitated when we went out for dinner that last time," Toma casually mentioned, breaking the silence. "I thought something was up, but you didn't say anything, so I left it alone."
YamaPi just nodded, stubbing out his cigarette.
"And you just kept it all in until you told Koyama?"
YamaPi nodded yet again.
"Of all people?"
"What do you mean by that?" YamaPi found himself surprisingly defensive.
Toma shrugged, absently swishing around the leftover coffee in his can. "I don't know. It just seems odd that you would tell Koyama. I mean, I don't know him all that well, but I know you and for you to not share something so personal with your closest friends, but tell him kind of seems… well, for a lack of a better word, odd."
"Odd…" YamaPi echoed, thinking back to the conversation he had had with Koyama the night before their final performances in Sendai.
"Why me? Why not Ryo? Ryo would have been better. Or even Akanishi-kun. He's your best friend after all."
"But you're doing better now, right? With your solo coming up and everything?"
YamaPi gave Toma a reassuring smile. "At this point, I'm just going with the flow and hoping for the best. It's really all I can do, right?"
*~*~*
After the photo shoots (and catching up with Toma), YamaPi booked it across the city to get to Meiji on time for Contemporary American Literature. Even though he had taken the highway and sped through about four yellow lights, he still managed to be twenty minutes late, struggling to find parking until he was able to snag a spot near the Ochanomizu train station. Normally, he would not have been so frantic about getting to class on time (the professors probably cared less about who showed up for class than even the students), but somehow this time, YamaPi had wanted to try. To try and maybe be a proper student, at least as much as he could.
Luckily, it was a pretty large class, so he snuck into the lecture hall and slipped into an empty seat at the very back without causing too much of a fuss. A few girls a couple rows up noticed and started talking amongst themselves, looking back at him a few times, but other than that, he had been safe. A guy a few desks to his left passed him an extra copy of the book list and a pencil to borrow and YamaPi was able to keep up with the rest of the lecture. He even took notes, circling the books or authors that sounded potentially interesting and scribbling down general ideas. Every now and then, the professor would say something that made YamaPi think that Jin might even like this class, that is if he was not so opposed to reading anything aside from manga and magazines.
By the time class ended and everyone started filing out of the lecture hall into the hallway, YamaPi had a list of books that he would buy and hopefully get around to reading in a timely manner (that was, in time for the tests). Following the flow of people toward the stairs, YamaPi did not even notice the familiar presence that had settled in beside him. "Fancy meeting you here."
Startled, YamaPi grabbed at the stair railing to keep himself from tripping over his own feet. "Koyama!" he greeted as they continued down the stairs side by side.
"Hey, have you eaten lunch yet?" Koyama questioned, shifting his bag's strap on his shoulder.
"You know, I had like vegetable juice for breakfast and a cigarette, but that's it."
"The lunch it is. I'll even treat you, like a good college senpai."
The pair's timing could not have been better as they managed to get into the school cafeteria before lunch stopped being served altogether and YamaPi got himself a huge bowl of oyakodon (with an extra boiled egg courtesy of the older cafeteria lady) to make up for the fact that he had not even noticed he was running on empty while Koyama settled on the classic hayashi rice. The cafeteria was pretty deserted as well, so the two managed to snag a table against the windows that provided a beautiful view of their part of Tokyo on the clear, sunny day.
"So, you came to school today for that literature class?" Koyama asked, mixing some of the demiglace sauce with his rice.
"I did. It wasn't too bad, but that's probably thanks to your warnings about the professor and the fact that I didn't sit all that close to the front," YamaPi replied with a grin, peeling the shell off his boiled egg piece by piece. "How'd you know?"
"Well, you did mention it earlier this week on the phone, but there's also the book list that you're carrying around." Koyama motioned to the paper lying on the table between the two of them. "Any good books?"
"I think so. But I haven't read any of them yet, so it's not like I can't judge based on general overview." YamaPi salted his boiled egg and took a hearty bite out of it. "What are you doing at school?"
"Picking up some papers from my professors from last semester. I figured I could use some of the research I did for them to start narrowing down what I want to do my thesis on."
"Have any idea what you're going to write about?"
"None whatsoever."
The conversation continued as such over the rest of their lunch, topics flowing from school into work. Filming on Kurosagi was starting to get into its last leg, what with only a few more episodes to finish, and with all his promotion for "Daite Senorita" also, YamaPi was counting down the days until he could take some time for himself and just breathe. Koyama was keeping busy with school and all the different programs on which he was working. There was some talk of him maybe getting a supporting role in a TBS drama for the upcoming summer season too, so he was anticipating that.
Picking at the final grains of rice stuck to the inside of his bowl (YamaPi refused to let food go to waste, especially when it tasted as good as Meiji's cafeteria food could taste), YamaPi came to the sudden realization that he missed this. Talking with Koyama like this, sharing himself with Koyama. Recalling Toma's words from that morning, he recognized that it indeed was odd.
It was like when YamaPi was not looking, Koyama had become one of those people that he let in. One of those people that he wanted to let in.
"We should go drinking."
"Huh?" Koyama mouthed around his last spoon of rice, startled by YamaPi's abrupt suggestion.
"We should go drinking," YamaPi repeated, himself not exactly sure why he was making such a proposal, but somehow insistent about it.
"You just want to get me dead drunk and see what happens; Shige is a bad influence on you." Koyama shook his head, softly chuckling. "Weren't you just saying that you're schedule is absolutely full up for the next few weeks?"
"Oh, yeah. I guess so."
"Maybe another time."
"Yeah, some other time."
*~*~*
For about two days following his late lunch with Koyama, YamaPi mulled over what exactly he had meant by suggesting that the two of them go drinking. It bothered him so much that he had little time to worry about anything else, and by the time Monday evening rolled around, he only had one possible understanding of why he said what he said and only one person he could possibly talk to about it.
"Jin, I think I may want to get Koyama drunk and take advantage of him."
"…"
"Jin?" YamaPi was sitting on the tatami floor of his dressing room, his dinner-a yakiniku bentou-open on the table in front of him, but totally untouched. "Jin, are you there?"
"…are you trying to give me nightmares?"
"Wait, you were sleeping?" YamaPi glanced at his wristwatch and noted it was only ten. "Is this even something I want to be asking about?"
"I went drinking with Matsumoto and Ryo-chan yesterday, pulled an all-nighter, and got seriously wasted. Then I had rehearsal all afternoon and Kame was not happy and for some reason even Koki was on my ass, and yeah," Jin rattled off, his rather dead voice telling of his current state.
"Ryo let you get wasted?"
"Matsumoto, that awesome bastard. He planned it so well. He got Ryo drunk first and then the two of them ganged up on me. I think I may have lost a liver."
"Jin, that's not even possible." YamaPi rolled his eyes, randomly spearing a piece of meat with a lone chopstick. "You only have one liver to start with."
"Yeah, well, I think I might've come close to breaking it last night," Jin dismissed. "What is this about you wanting to take advantage of Koyama though? Is this a new development or have you been holding out on me and you guys were totally dating the entire time?"
"The entire time of what?"
"Him helping you through your quarter-life crisis."
YamaPi actually pulled his cell phone away from his ear and gave it an absolutely bewildered look before continuing on with the conversation. "God, you really are hung over. I just turned twenty-one last month; how could I possibly be having a quarter-life crisis?! Wait. Don't answer that. Just go with me on this."
There was a pause and then Jin returned, "Okay."
"…ithinkilikekoyama."
"I know that I'm not as smart as you, but was that in a language that I speak?"
YamaPi sighed, standing up and occupying himself by walking around the small dressing room. He stopped in front of the makeup mirror, staring at his reflection as he repeated the words slower for Jin to properly catch. "I think I like Koyama."
There was a long silence on the other end of the line and YamaPi thought that Jin might have fallen asleep (he honestly would not put anything past his best friend), but then Jin spoke, sounding a lot more serious than he had been earlier. "Didn't I just say that? Really, Pi. I could have told you that a month ago."
"What?"
"The whole arrangement between you and Koyama was weird in the first place," Jin began to explain, his voice even and awake. YamaPi imagined the other sitting up in his bed, probably having given up on sleep for the time being. "Ryo apparently knew from the moment you two started being weird on tour. I knew as soon as you finished explaining everything at dinner that one night. And Toma…well, Toma already told you he thought it was weird too."
"How do you know-" YamaPi stopped midway through his question as he realized the answer on his own. "Toma told you he talked to me the other day, didn't he?"
"Of course he did. We have to look out for our friends, right?" Jin questioned rhetorically, his tone strangely chipper for someone who claimed to still be suffering from the aftereffects of having almost broken his liver the night before. "But seriously speaking, you letting people in is huge. You were so focused on what you were losing though, that it was like you totally didn't notice that you'd gained something in the process too."
YamaPi took a moment to absorb Jin's words, sitting down in his makeup chair. "Wow. You sure you weren't channeling Toma there?"
"I could have been. We've been talking a lot in the past two days about you, so he may have rubbed off on me."
"How did you know I liked Koyama though? I mean, for all the three of you knew, I could have just thought of him as a friend like you."
"Pi, you were the one who called me while I was sleeping to tell me that you wanted to get Koyama drunk and take advantage of him. I don't think I need to say more."
YamaPi found himself silenced, unable to find an appropriate retort. He did say that after all. "So what should I do?" he sighed with a soft frown, staring at his pathetic image in the mirror.
"Are you seriously asking me that?" Jin was incredulous. "Who are you again? Because I thought I was talking to YamaPi, one of the super idols of Johnny's."
"Picking up some random guy at a club or a random girl at school is not exactly the same as confessing to your fellow band-mate, Jin."
"But you're not even in the same group right now! NEWS is on hiatus!"
"Was that supposed to make me feel better? Because really, it didn't."
"Do you actually think Koyama is going to hate you forever if you told him that you liked him? That it would ruin all that wonderful member love you all have going on?"
YamaPi dropped his head slightly and shook it. Clearly, this was the reason Jin and him were best friends. Even before he could put into words what he was thinking, Jin was already saying it-always able to easily express that which YamaPi struggled to. "I think that it's reasonable to think that it could happen, you know," YamaPi retorted with a sigh. "I mean, we're not like KAT-TUN. We don't have big fights and make up the next day. We haven't even been that close until recently."
After a long moment, Jin spoke. "Pi, look. As far as I can tell with my 'best friend super senses', this is bothering you. I think you should tell Koyama that you like him, if only to get it off your chest. Because you already have a crapload of other stuff you need to deal with anyway. But knowing you, you're not going to tell him right away, are you?"
"...no." YamaPi gnawed on his lower lip, seriously taking in Jin's words. "I don't want to ruin it just yet. Not when I don't totally get it myself."
"What is there to get, Pi?" Jin pressed. "You are interested in Koyama beyond friendship. You want to make out with him, have sex with him."
"Vulgar much?"
"I hate to break it to you, but you're no pristine white virgin, Pi."
"How would you know?"
"Um, at whose house did we used to have our monthly porn viewing party?"
"…"
"Whatever. Just bite the bullet, Pi. I really think it'd be the best for both of you."
*~*~*
date: 16/05/06 11:11
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
Remember that drama I was telling you about?
I got the role! わぁ━━ヽ(。´▽｀。)ノ━━ぃ!!
I'll be playing the youngest son in a family
of peach farmers! I don't know much details,
but I'm excited! There will be lots of location
shooting too! Fun!
How are you? Have you started reading
like a good student? y(^ー^)y
*~*~*
date: 18/05/06 22:52
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Sorry for replying so late, got caught up
in a lot of stuff. Nothing new really.
Your new drama sounds like fun.
Peach farmers, huh? I forget, do you even
like peaches?
I've started reading The Great Gatsby.
There are some similarities between
it and Kurosagi. It seems like
everything in my life is like this drama lately.
*~*~*
date: 19/05/06 9:50
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
Of course, I like peaches!
I LOVE peaches! ♥♥♥♥♥
But according to the script, my character
is allergic to them! (￢з￢)
You sound busy. Is everything going okay?
Call me if you need to talk. Or let me know
when you'll be at school. We can go and have lunch again. (^O^)y
*~*~*
date: 22/05/06 13:02
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
I haven't heard from you in a week and I was kind of
worried. Why exactly am I worrying about your
love life, I don't know. (o.O) It's a little creepy.
And no, I'm not jealous of Koyama.
As if he could possibly take my number one spot
in your heart. ♥
BEST FRIENDS 4EVER.
A friendly kick in the pants from yours truly. (^m^ )
*~*~*
date: 22/05/06 20:01
to: Akanishi Jin
from: YamaPi
I clearly must have been out of my mind
when I thought it was a good idea to tell you,
of all people. (一。一;;）
*~*~*
date: 22/05/06 21:52
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
Stop bitching at me and tell Koyama already!
OR ELSE I WILL!!!! (r-.-)r
*~*~*
date: 23/05/06 10:08
to: Akanishi Jin
from: YamaPi
Was that supposed to scare me into telling him?
Because, hate to tell you, but you failed.
You barely know Koyama, how are you supposed
to tell him that I like him? He'd totally laugh
in your face. (￣ー￣)b
*~*~*
date: 24/05/06 00:25
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
Koyama's nicer than you. ♥
He might think I was crazy, but he wouldn't
laugh at me. At least, I hope not.（；_；）
*~*~*
date: 24/05/06 15:34
to: Akanishi Jin
from: YamaPi
And you're okay with that? (o.O)
*~*~*
date: 24/05/06 17:09
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
Anything for you, Pi~（￣ε￣＠）ＣＨＵ-
*~*~*
"YamaPi, take five! I want to work with the juniors a little bit."
YamaPi nodded at the choreographer, falling out of his given place in front of the wall of mirrors in the dance studio and making his way over to where he had tossed his belongings against the folded gymnastic mats. Grabbing for his water bottle sitting in its sheath on the outside of his gym bag, he collapsed to the floor, gulping the water down greedily.
Today's schedule was particularly grueling-early morning on-set call for Kurosagi that led straight into rehearsals for tonight's Music Station and was followed by the real thing-and YamaPi just could not pull it together and focus. Vocally, he was completely shot. Choreography that he should have been familiar with from performing "Daite Senorita" on tour seemed absolutely foreign to his limbs, which were not interested in dancing today in the least. It was so bad that Kawano-san stepped out twenty minutes earlier, crushing a half-empty box of cigarettes in his grip.
YamaPi did not blame him in the least. Hell, YamaPi would have joined him if he had not been so keenly aware that one cigarette would lead to two would lead to three and so on. Somehow, he did not think that a nicotine high was going to get him through today; he might just cough up a lung on national television instead.
As his pulse slowed and he recharged, leaning against the mats and jealously watching Kis-my-ft2 and A.B.C. work through their choreography with ease, YamaPi frowned. He wanted to dance with ease and to sing with confidence, reflecting the YamaPi that he projected to the world. Instead, he seemed to be mimicking the unsure and confused Yamashita Tomohisa he was within. Not exactly the shiny idol image for which he was shooting.
Despite having purposely stopped all communication with Koyama following his chipper and encouraging email just over a week ago (because frankly, if they had continued at that rate, YamaPi thought he might end up spamming Koyama's cell phone with messages filled with just emoji expressing his undying love and that just was not his style), YamaPi could not stop thinking about Koyama and the implications of what he had admitted to Jin. It probably did not help that Jin kept sending him message after message trying to peer pressure him into a sappy love confession, in which YamaPi absolutely had no interest. YamaPi needed some serious thinking time to process this all. Of course, he barely had any of his own to spare and thus, only the complications that were involved with the idea of liking Koyama swarmed in his mind, not a single reasonable answer in sight.
"Ah, to be a junior again…"
Startled by the sudden new voice, YamaPi glanced up to find the subject of his thoughts moving to sit down next to him on the cold floor. "You want to be a junior?" YamaPi blurted out the only response he could construct at that moment.
Koyama grinned softly, pulling his knees up and resting his arms across them, all the while watching Kis-my-ft2 and A.B.C. continue their run through without YamaPi. "Sometimes. I mean, it feels like nowadays all the juniors are looking up at us and dreaming hard for a debut and totally missing out on the fun of being a junior. Performing for the sake of performing. No pressure, just having fun."
"For me, there was always pressure," YamaPi returned, glancing at Koyama before following the other's gaze to the juniors.
"There didn't have to be," Koyama insisted gently. "Just like there doesn't have to be pressure now."
YamaPi grinned faintly, knowingly. "You heard me singing earlier, didn't you?"
Koyama shook his head with a chuckle. "I didn't have to. I saw Kawano-san kicking at the cigarette machine for being broken on my way here."
"I feel bad for Kawano-san sometimes." YamaPi rubbed his fidgety hands down the length of his thighs. "I've put him through a lot of shit in the past months. And he has no idea why."
Koyama blinked in confusion and turned his attention toward YamaPi. "I don't think you're giving Kawano-san much credit there, you know. He's been your manager for how many years now? He probably knows Yamashita Tomohisa a lot better than you think."
YamaPi arched his eyebrow skeptically. "How could he possibly?"
He could see Koyama hesitate, biting on his lower lip, carefully contemplating his words before he voiced them. After a long moment of anticipation on YamaPi's part, Koyama finally spoke. "I don't know how many times I've heard you tell me about the importance of keeping your personal life and work separate. That YamaPi is simply a persona that your can turn on and off at the drop of a hat.
"But to be honest, from what I can tell, despite how you try to keep the two separate, you don't. If anything, the struggle you're having right now? Accepting NEWS's hiatus and having the confidence to go solo on your own? That's proof right there that you aren't." Koyama met YamaPi's dark eyes with his own. "You're personally invested in your work, YamaPi. Your fans. The staff. NEWS. If you weren't, you wouldn't be this confused, this upset. And really, I don't think that's a terrible thing."
"YamaPi! We're ready for you now!"
The idol barely heard the choreographer calling his name, so absorbed in Koyama's choice words. They had been…
"YamaPi! We don't have much time! Hurry up please!"
"You'd better go." Koyama smiled that easy and honest smile of his-a touch of unease evident as he was clearly unsure of how to take YamaPi's subdued reaction-and urged his fellow idol toward the practice session once more with a gentle push.
Next thing YamaPi knew, he was back to singing off-key and tripping over his own two feet, Koyama nowhere in sight.
*~*~*
date: 26/05/06 18:10
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
I can't believe I actually forgot to tell you! (>.<)
Good luck on Music Station tonight!
I'll definitely be watching~! (v^-^v)
ganbatte!
*~*~*
Opening the door to a dressing room labeled "Yamashita Tomohisa" and finding it completely empty was strange. Normally, he was always the last one to show up to Music Station rehearsals-the other members would already be in the dressing room in various states of readiness, talking, laughing, singing, or doing whatever. Today was clearly different. Not that he had expected it to be just like old times, but YamaPi had not expected to be so overwhelmed by the bareness of it all.
Walking through those double doors that led onto Music Station's main stage and sitting on the set alone, watching the other artists before him run through their songs was odd. Just like in the dressing room, he was used to the noise of the other members-the awe after watching a fellow artist pull off a brilliant performance even though it was just rehearsal, the understanding when someone would accidentally make a mistake, and the encouragement that would be offered to each performer after they finished their run-through. On his own, he still did these things, but there seemed to be something lacking in his solitary actions.
Grabbing a quick dinner at the building's cafeteria on the first floor by himself, decked head to toe in his shiny, glittery, furry costume that could only be expected of a Johnny's idol was somewhat awkward. As he went over to the ticket machine and inserted his money for the oyakodon ticket, he could not help but be aware of the other TV Asahi staff in the cafeteria casting glances in his direction. They were not bad looks of course, but were more along the lines of, "Oh look! There's YamaPi!" and he was used to that, but at the same time, he was not. Normally, him and Ryo (and sometimes Shige and Massu) would grab dinner together before Music Station performances and whenever they got those looks (which they always did), YamaPi tended to follow Ryo's lead and acknowledged them with a kind smile. This time however, he found himself giving the slightest of awkward bows in reply-a bit more timid and reserved than he tended to be when around his fellow members.
Sitting down at a table with his tray of oyakodon and a glass of water, YamaPi pulled his cell phone out, making to call Jin in hopes of getting rid of the discomfort and jitters from which he was suffering. Instead, he noticed that he had new messages in his inbox and flipped over to that. There were two-one from Jin from few hours ago, and one from Koyama from just a little over an hour ago.
YamaPi opened Koyama's first and read it.
And smiled.
And then proceeded to type out a lengthy reply.
*~*~*
date: 26/05/06 19:27
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Thank you. For everything really,
not just that good luck message you just sent me.
I've been trying to figure out how to say that
to you for the longest time. Really. I guess maybe
you know that already what with your awesome
mothering intuition, but I am seriously grateful.
What you said to me this afternoon about
my personal life and work? You were totally right.
I was so surprised by how right you were.
Not that you're not allowed to be right or anything
like that, but the fact that I recognized that you were
right surprised me. Because I don't normally admit to
stuff like that easily. You should know that better
than anyone else. (^__^) NEWS means a lot to me.
Professionally as fellow band-mates and personally
as friends whom I've grown to care for over the years.
It's more than that though. And I'm sorry if this comes off
sounding like some lovesick middle school girl
is confessing to you or something, but I can't seem to
figure out how to make this sound normal. But I
like you too, Koyama. You've looked out and been
concerned for me. At this point, I don't think it would be
too much of a stretch to say you know me better than myself.
We've talked so much about so many things, I feel like
I can say I know you pretty well too. But I know
there's still a lot I don't know that I want to. So, I don't know,
maybe you'll consider it?
*~*~*
"Read this." Koyama shoved his cell phone into Shige's face the moment they met on the train platform on the breezy Saturday morning.
Shige had to literally dodge the cell phone to avoid having the screen smashed firmly against his nose. "What is this?" Bewildered, he glanced at Koyama-who looked strangely nervous and fidgety-before focusing in on the phone's screen, and noting YamaPi's name in the sender space. "Is this about Yamashita-kun again?" he moaned.
"Read. It." Koyama shoved the cell phone further at Shige's face causing the Domo-kun phone strap charm-a birthday present from Haru-kun-hanging off it to jiggle.
Just as the train pulled up to the platform, Shige was finishing off the final sentences of the final paragraph and Koyama carefully guided the other onto the somewhat empty train and over to a pair of empty seats in the far corner of the car. It was with the kindly feminine voice alerting them that the doors were closing and the hiss of the automatic train doors that Shige finished reading the message, at last understanding why Koyama had called him last night, insisting that they have an early brunch no matter what this morning.
The two maintained a cautious silence on the train even though there was barely anyone else in the car with them-a group of middle school boys dressed in track suits with duffel bags slung over their backs on the other side of the car got off at Sendagaya and there were few business men that got on at Yotsuya, but aside from them, just a handful of rotating random strangers who got off and on at different stops. The best friends communicated primarily through eye contact-Shige looking at Koyama with big eyes of disbelief, and Koyama returning the looks with long, stern ones that insisted Shige wait until Koyama could actually explain what exactly had happened.
Eventually, the train pulled into their stop, Ochanomizu, and Koyama silently dragged Shige out the station, past Meiji and the various bookstores until they ended up at one of Koyama's usual haunts, a bagel store/restaurant that could be counted on to be open at ten in the morning on a weekend.
Once they were finally settled on the near empty second floor of the restaurant, sitting at a table next to the window that looked out onto the wide street below with their respective bagel sandwiches steaming before them, Koyama opened his mouth. "He sent me that yesterday night."
Shige rolled his eyes. "I gathered that much."
"You heard about what happened last night on Music Station right?"
"No. What happened?"
"YamaPi's microphone fell over while he was lipsyncing during his live."
"Oh. That is bad."
Though Shige expressed serious concern at YamaPi's mishap and even winced appropriately when told, Koyama did not seem to think that was sufficient enough of a reaction and frowned. "This was after he sent me that message!"
"So?" Shige blinked, setting his bagel back down on his plate. "Wait. Are you actually blaming yourself for Yamashita-kun's mess up on live television because of a message?!"
"It wasn't just any message!"
"Yes, Yamashita-kun was declaring his undying love for you." Shige rolled his eyes.
Koyama frowned, stabbing his bagel sandwich randomly with his pathetically weak plastic knife and getting nowhere. "I didn't say that. YamaPi didn't say that."
Shige stared at Koyama head on until the other met his gaze. "So what did Yamashita-kun say? Since you are the expert on Yamashita-kun nowadays."
"Are you jealous?"
"…HUH?" Shige fought everything to not bang his head against the table right then and there.
Koyama shrugged. "I don't know. You sound jealous."
"Trust me. I am not jealous." Shige took hearty bite out of his sandwich, chewing thoroughly and swallowing before continuing. "You didn't give him an answer yet, did you?"
Koyama shook his drooped head, having returned to prodding his bagel with his silverware. "How am I supposed to answer?"
They both were still in middle school, Shige decided-YamaPi with his long-winded, awkward written confession and Koyama with his timid insecurity as to his own feelings and how he should return YamaPi's. Forget middle school. The two of them were something straight out of a Kitagawa Eriko romance drama. Now all that was needed was some meaningful ballad penned by Oda Kazumasa with KAT-TUN singing it and everything would be set.
"You could try, I don't know, being direct for once," Shige suggested in a sarcastically off-handed tone. "The way you two have been dancing around each other has been sort of driving Nishikido-kun and me crazy."
Lifting his head, Koyama looked up at Shige, his small eyes oddly big. "It has? …wait, how did you know that I liked YamaPi? I never told you! I never told anyone!"
"As if you needed to tell me. I'm not your best friend for nothing you know." Shige flashed his brunch companion a matter-of-fact grin. "I may have guessed wrong about you having a girlfriend, but I knew you were interested in someone. After you made up that ridiculous lie to save Yamashita-kun's face, it became obvious."
Koyama took a large chomp out of his bagel sandwich, trying to hide his displeasure behind the food. He had not even realized it until his birthday just a little under a month ago, so how did Shige know about it before then?! "Why didn't you say anything?" he questioned after swallowing.
"Was I supposed to say something?" Shige looked at Koyama quizzically. "What was I even supposed to say?"
There was pause as Koyama struggled to find something to say. "I don't know," he mumbled, gnawing on his lower lip. "Talked me out of it?"
"Out of liking Yamashita-kun?"
"Yes."
"Are we both having the same conversation here?" Shige looked at Koyama, absolutely astounded by his best friend's thought process. "Yamashita-kun confessed to you. Granted, it was not the most eloquent confession ever, but it was a confession. He likes you, Koyama. And you like him. Usually something like this is a call for a celebration of some sort."
"I know," Koyama returned distractedly, staring into his cup of coffee that had gone cold a while ago. "But I can't help but worry. Worry that if this should all go wrong, I'd destroy his faith in NEWS and in member love and-"
"But what if it all should go right?" Shige countered, not letting Koyama spin off into his doubts and worries like he could in his most unsure moments. "You'll never know until you take a chance, Kei. I'm telling you as your best friend here, take a chance."
*~*~*
With the loud buzzing that came from his vibrating cell phone, YamaPi pulled his head out from underneath his pillow once more, answering the call with a sleep-laced voice. "Hello?"
"Oi, Pi. It's me."
"You're not Koyama."
"I wasn't aware that I was supposed to be," Ryo retorted on the other side of the call.
"You are the eleventh person who hasn't been Koyama," YamaPi moaned, falling back into his futon with a small yawn.
"…did you finally tell Koyama you liked him?" YamaPi was not surprised that Ryo was not surprised, as the older man only scoffed at him. Really, at this point, he would not have been surprised if Johnny-san knew that he liked Koyama.
"I sent him a message last night. Before Music Station."
"What are you? Twelve? You should've called him. Then you wouldn't be waiting for him to call you now, you know."
"I know. But I wouldn't have been able to say a damn thing if I had and then forget knocking the microphone over, I would have knocked a bunch of juniors over instead."
"I always told you that you had two left feet."
"Thank you, Ryo-chan. I love you too."
"No, you don't. You love Koyama."
"I really like Koyama. I want to maybe try loving him."
"God you are so girly. Glad to see that the whole mess-up last night hasn't fazed you."
"It was embarrassing, that's for sure." YamaPi glanced at the clock on the VCR, noting it was almost noon. His mother was probably already gone, meeting up with friends in Ikebukuro and his sister was on a picnic lunch with her newest boyfriend. They had left him alone, sprawled out on his futon in the middle of the living room. "Mom said I was a lame idol."
"You are a lame idol. A boring one too."
"You know what? I'm going to hang up on you now because you're the eleventh person who has not been Koyama. Goodbye-"
"Give him time, Pi." Ryo cut YamaPi off with his more serious advice, managing to avoid getting hung up on. "I know you're anxious, but you know how Koyama tends to go 'Mother Hen' on almost everything. He's probably going to need a few days to process everything before he's ready to answer you."
"I don't think I can wait."
"At this point, I don't think you have much of a choice, Pi."
*~*~*
"Yamashita-kun is so hot!"
"Wow! That is really an awesome poster."
"I'm definitely buying that CD!"
"I already reserved it at Tsutaya!"
"Could YamaPi possibly be any hotter?! Seriously!"
As Koyama wandered out of the Hachiko exit of the train station, he found himself assaulted by the barrage of voices, the loud chattering cutting through all the other various noises that populated the busy Shibuya. Turning to his left, he spotted the five high school girls in a circle, animatedly carrying on about YamaPi. They were hardly directing their conversation at him, of that he was sure-he was unrecognizable in his favorite sunglasses and a black beanie pulled down low on his forehead. Instead, their attention was fully focused on the larger-than-life image of YamaPi plastered around the curved front of the Shibuya Men's 109 building.
The smallest of smiles tickled Koyama's lips as he joined the ranks of the young girls, staring up at the solemn, brooding image of YamaPi advertising his debut solo single. Despite being very aware that it was only a poster, Koyama could not help but feel like YamaPi was returning his gaze, those dark eyes penetrating straight through him, able to read his innermost thoughts. When had he done that photo shoot? What had he been thinking as he faced the camera? Had he been thinking about NEWS? About Koyama?
Koyama shook his head, breaking his gaze with the poster image of his fellow band-mate. He was more than that now thought, wasn't he? YamaPi had confessed his feelings just a couple of days ago-five days ago to be exact, but who was counting?-admitting that he liked Koyama beyond their intimate friendship that had developed rather quickly over the past two months.
All the walk signals in Shibuya Crossing flashed on and Koyama was swept along with the crowds, leaving YamaPi behind on the building. Unconsciously, his thin fingers wrapped around the strap of his bag hanging off his shoulder as his thoughts wandered back to that message. Koyama had not replied to it yet, and the more time he took thinking about it, the more he only seemed to confuse himself.
He liked YamaPi and YamaPi liked him; that was not the problem at all. If they got together, that was when the problems would start to crop up. What would management think? How would their friends and band-mates react? Could it affect the return of NEWS? Koyama questioned everything, all the way to the most ridiculous situation. Of course, every answer he managed to come up with involved a doomsday scenario of some sort-management disbanding NEWS for good, Koyama being forced out of the jimusho, and YamaPi being worked to near death as he is made to go solo permanently. That kind of thing.
It was not as if dating within the jimusho or amongst groups was unheard of or frowned upon even, but the worrywart in Koyama just came out in full-force when it came to things he cared about.
And he truly did care. About YamaPi. About NEWS.
"Here you go!"
From underneath his sunglasses, Koyama blinked at the chipper young woman in front of him, who was wearing a bright smile and holding out the string to a balloon for him to receive. Did he really look like he needed a balloon? Nevertheless, with the slightest of bow of his head, the idol took the balloon, unable to decline the offer. He was just bad at that kind of stuff; he had a huge collection of tissue packs at home to prove it.
As he continued down the sidewalk toward his destination, balloon in hand, he noticed that other people were holding onto balloons too. Mostly girls in pairs or in small groups carrying bags from their preferred music store-Tsutaya, Tower Records, or HMV-in one hand and in the other, clutching the precious balloon string. He had not bothered looking at the balloon earlier (he just politely and somewhat instinctually received it), but it was a shiny black balloon with some white screen writing on it. Koyama could not really make out the writing, seeing as he was squinting at the girl across the street walking with some guy he assumed was her boyfriend, so instead he pulled his own balloon down and properly looked at it for the first time.
And then laughed out loud.
A few people in the general area around him kind of stepped away from him, but Koyama was too busy being amused by the balloon to notice.
Printed in white, bolded characters across the front of the balloon was "Daite Senorita".
After a moment, he let go of the balloon, allowing it to return to floating above him on its string. He started walking again toward his destination, following the blaring of said song to its source in the front of HMV. He stared at the front display window, the cover art of the single blown up and prominently positioned for all to see. Shige's words from their emergency brunch a couple of days ago resurfaced in his memory.
" But what if it all should go right? You'll never know until you take a chance, Kei. I'm telling you as your best friend here, take a chance."
Koyama stepped through HMV's sliding doors and decided on taking a chance.
*~*~*
"It figures you'd be here."
YamaPi glanced up from the ashcan in front of him where he was stubbing out what was left of his cigarette to find Koyama standing on the other side of the small smoking lounge.
It took a moment for YamaPi to recover from being startled by other's sudden appearance. He had been waiting, just as Ryo had advised him, but somehow YamaPi had not expected to see him at that very moment. "Koyama…"
Koyama smiled softly, awkwardly, as he crossed the distance and came to stand before YamaPi, sitting on yet another one of those tacky, plastic sofas that seemed to only be found in rooms such as this. It was only then that YamaPi noted the "Daite Senorita" balloon tied to the HMV bag that Koyama was carrying. "In Shibuya today?"
"I was." The older idol nodded, adjusting his sunglasses that were now hanging from his necklace. "Here." He shoved the HMV bag and balloon at YamaPi.
YamaPi looked bemusedly up at Koyama and then at the bag, before taking it. Opening it, he found that Koyama had bought both the limited DVD press and the regular press of "Daite Senorita", the regular press of "Sayaendou", and the regular press of "Seishun Amigo".
"I know it's kind of cheesy and girly, but I had to buy all of them. Because they're all you, you know? On your own, with NEWS, or with someone else all together, you're still Yamashita Tomohisa. Still YamaPi. That will never change."
YamaPi took the CDs out of the bag and looked through them individually, noting the different images of himself portrayed on each CD cover. Then he looked at Koyama and just smiled.
Koyama returned his smile.
*~*~*
continue -->
author: nihongofrancais
genre: RPS, NEWS
pairing: Koyama/YamaPi
rating: overall PG-13
words: just under 39,000 words
disclaimer: the boys believe they own themselves; really Johnny owns 'em all. *snicker*
summary: Often, we find we don't realize what we have until it's gone. YamaPi struggles to cope in the aftermath of the announcement of NEWS's hiatus.
author's note: a labor of love in the name of my OTP KoyamaPi, originally inspired by YamaPi's February 2007 appearance on Shounen Club Premium and written over the span of one year from March 2007 through March 2008. Thanks to anamuan for betaing the majority of this monster and tinyangl, 4_03_am and jadedfrenzy for being my test readers. There is love for each and every one of you. ♥
part zero | part one | part two | part three | part four | coda |
date: 05/05/06 14:53
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Have you eaten the lobster yet?
You should, it's better fresh!
I ate mine as soon as we got back
from Hokkaido. Luckily,
my sister is an excellent cook.
Though where exactly she learned
to cook lobster, Mom and I still
have no idea.
*~*~*
date: 05/05/06 16:34
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
We're eating it tonight!
Mom wanted to make the most
of it, so my sister, brother-in-law,
and nephew are coming over to
eat it with us. Mom was impressed
with your ability to pick lobster.
She said you'd make a good chef. (^ ^)
*~*~*
date: 06/05/06 07:16
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
I'd be a horrible chef!
I'd eat all the food before any of
the food got to the table! ┳┳ ヽ(^▽^ゞ）
But I'm glad your mother liked
the lobster. The old man who sold it to me
told me it was a good catch!
I hope everything went well with
the dinner! (^__^)
*~*~*
date: 06/05/06 13:03
to YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
That's true. You probably would.（≧∇≦）
Dinner went well.
Haru-kun's first taste of
fresh lobster and he loved it.
He told me to make sure and
say thank you to Uncle YamaPi. ♥
*~*~*
Koyama could hear the familiar strains of "Sayaendou" faintly as he climbed up the stairs after finishing in the ofuro and as soon as he stepped into his room, he found his cell phone vibrating, begging for attention.
Going over, he flipped the cell phone open, noting that it was YamaPi calling just before answering. "Hello?"
"It's me."
"I know that," Koyama chuckled, plopping down in his desk chair while rubbing at his still damp hair with a small towel. "But the question becomes why are you calling me at one in the morning? It's a little suspicious."
"…the truth is I need you to bail me out of jail."
"I only have a hundred yen on me. Sorry," Koyama deadpanned, playing along. "Why don't you use your conning skills that you've so keenly honed in Kurosagi?"
"All I've done on Kurosagi is cosplay and eat lots of ice cream. I don't see how either of those things is going to help me." Koyama found himself slowly chuckling as he imagined YamaPi pouting as his unsatisfied voice indicated.
"Too bad." Koyama switched sides with the phone and then continued. "Seriously though. What's up?"
"Night location shooting," YamaPi replied with a slight yawn. "I'm in the car on the way home right now though; I thought maybe you could keep me awake for a little bit?"
"At one in the morning?"
"It's not like you were sleeping, right?"
Koyama frowned at YamaPi's oddly knowing tone. "I wasn't, but who's to say I couldn't be?"
"I just had an inkling that you'd be up. Studying?"
Throwing his wet towel onto his already prepared futon (despite his mother constantly scolding him not to), Koyama turned in his chair to sit properly at his desk, sifting through a mildly thick pile of printed readings. "I have some readings I need to get through before my seminar tomorrow afternoon and I figured it'd be better to get them done tonight and let them sink in rather than trying to read them right before. Shouldn't take too long though. An hour and a half, tops."
"See? So you were up anyways. …and that reminds me. I have to go to class this Friday."
Koyama arched his eyebrow as he continued to sort through the packet, separating the readings, five in total. "As opposed to going to class tomorrow maybe?"
"That American literature class I signed up for? He won't be passing out the book list until he finishes the general introduction part of the course, which is next week. I was thinking about maybe trying to get half of the reading done if I can swing it, even if I can't go to class all that often."
"Hmm…" Koyama had started skimming the first couple of pages of the first reading, a critical piece on a lesser known work of Enchi Fumiko's, Masks.
"Stop reading; you can do that later."
"You sound like Ryo." Koyama shook his head, turning his attention away from the readings. "'You have ME on the phone. What could possibly be more interesting?'"
"Which of course is code for, 'Don't ignore me please!'"
YamaPi's imitation of a pitiful-sounding Ryo sent the both of them into chuckles.
"We shouldn't make fun of Ryo."
"No, we really shouldn't," YamaPi agreed, biting back on a final chuckle. "Change of topic, but is Haru-kun really calling me Uncle YamaPi?"
"He is! Apparently, after the lobster, you have become Haru's personal idol."
"If only I could win over all my fans with lobster."
"Somehow, I think you're doing just fine without the lobster."
"Well, we'll find out if that really is true when 'Daite Senorita' releases now, won't we?"
Koyama's red pen that had been underlying a few key lines in his reading suddenly stopped. "If Johnny-san said you'll sell, you'll sell. He's usually never wrong about these kinds of things, you know."
"I do know," YamaPi returned with a small sigh. Koyama imagined him slumped in the back seat of the car, staring out the window at late night Tokyo. "I can't help but be worried though. I mean, can I really meet their expectations? What if the numbers for the single are too low? What then?"
Koyama chuckled softly, dropping his pen. "I think you know too much about how this business works, and that's just making you paranoid."
"I'm not paranoid," YamaPi returned indignantly.
"Okay, maybe not paranoid, but overly worried maybe?" Koyama picked up the red pen once more and instead of taking proper notes began to doodle on the edges of the printed paper. "This might sound weird coming from me, because I'm just as much of a worrywart, but I think you should just, I don't know, go with the flow? I'm just pretty sure that everything will work out."
"I don't get how you are able to be so optimistic sometimes."
"It's my member love." Koyama randomly scribbled a lopsided heart onto his reading, one that he would surely be taunted about later should his classmates catch sight of it. "You know, even though we're on hiatus, it still works wonders when it comes to calming my jitters."
*~*~*
date: 09/05/06 16:46
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
I want to go to the beach~
But instead, I'm coming back from Chiba.
The last recording session for
the single is after this.
Finishing off the recording on
"Himawari".
What are you up to?
*~*~*
date: 010/05/06 00:14
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
YamaPi~~~~~~~!
PI-CHAN!!!!!
PIPI~! ＼ ( ＊ ⌒ ▽ ⌒ @ ) ／
YOUR MY BESTEST FRIEND~
I'LL KEEP ALL YOUR SECRETS 4EVA
AND EVA.
PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE~
STICK A NEEDLE IN MY eYe! ＼(>o<)／
*~*~*
date: 010/05/06 08:26
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Um, is everything okay?
*~*~*
date: 10/05/06 13:03
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
m（＿ ＿；；m
I'm sorry about that. I thought
I hadn't sent it, but I guess I did. I was barhopping
last night with some Meiji friends and it
kind of got out of hand.
Please just ignore that.
It's embarrassing. (-_-)
*~*~*
date: 11/05/06 12:34
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
I just ran into Shige on the train.
So, you're the type to send drunk messages
rather than drunk dial, huh?
I never pictured you as a giddy drunk,
though I suppose it's not that huge
a stretch of the imagination.
It's kind of endearing, in an odd, drunk way.
…we should go drinking some time. Dヽ(^○^)
*~*~*
date: 11/05/06 15:19
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
Are you trying to break my spirit? ―( T _ T )→
I just came out of my first advising session
for my graduation thesis and then
I saw your message.
Shige must die.
*~*~*
date: 11/05/06 23:57
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Don't kill the messenger!
Well, I suppose he wasn't the messenger,
but I still don't think you should kill Shige.
Maybe a just a few whip lashes? (￢ー￢) フフ
God, I feel like I haven't slept for like three days. (=_=)
I think I'll sleep now.
*~*~*
date: 12/05/06 09:07
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
Don't worry about Shige.
I already dealt with him. (￢ー￢) フフ
I think I'm starting to sound like Ryo. (O.o)
What is it that they say?
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
I guess that's not totally accurate.
I like, "Absence makes the heart look like
the other hearts," better.
I wonder if Ryo is somewhere out there
cheering, "Let's do our best!!" o(*⌒O⌒)ｂ
*~*~*
"Those aren't your normal brand."
YamaPi momentarily stopped his vicious pushing of the button on the cigarette vending machine and glanced behind him at the origin of the voice. "Oh, Toma! It's been awhile."
Toma smiled, stepping up to the coffee vending machine next to the cigarette one with which YamaPi appeared to be battling. "Since we went out to dinner that one time in March," Toma added, dropping his money into the machine's coin slot. "Did you ever go to that restaurant I told you about?"
"I did! It was really good Indian food; thanks for recommending it."
"No problem," Toma waved off, just as his can of hot coffee tumbled loudly out of the machine into the drop shoot.
Watching Toma retrieve his own vending machine purchase turned YamaPi's attention back to his own frustration of wanting a cigarette, but the vending machine refusing to give it to him. Steeling himself, he gave the button one more long push, hoping his cigarettes would come tumbling out. After waiting a long moment, finally the illusive pack of Lucky Strikes fell into the drop shoot and YamaPi collected it happily.
"No Marlboros today?" Toma looked back at the cigarette machine (a pack of Marlboros prominent in the display window) as YamaPi quickly freed his Lucky Strikes from their cellophane wrapping.
"I thought I would try something different," YamaPi answered, taking a seat on the cheap neon blue sofa of the photo studio's break room. "What are you doing here?"
"I was in the next studio over doing shoots for the usual smorgasboard of idol magazines and I heard you were doing the same." Toma plopped down next to YamaPi on the somewhat hard sofa and popped the pull-tab on his coffee can, taking a quick sip. "I stopped by your studio, but the staff said you'd left to take your break and I figured I might find you here."
"Well, you were right, as always," YamaPi returned with a light smile, taking his lighter to the cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth and lighting it. He inhaled, taking a second to pause and note the difference in smell, in taste, in feel. It was something new, and yet, he did not find himself hating the difference all that much. He could get used it. With time, he thought he could grow to really like it even.
"What's been going on with you lately, Pi?"
Toma's voice drew him out of his reverie, and YamaPi leaned forward, tapping his cigarette against the side of the ashtray on the coffee table while looking back at his friend. "Hmm? Me?"
"Yes, you," Toma emphasized, a serious expression settling on his normally light, easy-going features. "I heard everything from Jin. About NEWS. About how you've been upset and-"
"Jin told you?" YamaPi, who had been bringing his cigarette back up to his mouth and moving to lean back against the sofa, stopped midway in his actions. His eyes narrowed and he just blinked at Toma. "Why did Jin tell you anything?"
Toma took in the way YamaPi seemed to tense up at the mention of the entire situation-his voice accusing and sounding somewhat betrayed-and realized too late that broad-siding YamaPi with the topic probably had not been one of his brightest moments. "We ran into each other at the main office after some meetings and ended up having lunch together in the cafeteria. You came up, and he was concerned, so we talked." Toma watched carefully as YamaPi took a long drag from his cigarette, quietly closing his eyes as he exhaled. "He was afraid you'd get mad at him-"
"I am mad. Sort of." YamaPi's eyes were still closed. He took another quicker, shorter drag and a moment later, released the smoke from his lips in a gentle exhale. "I didn't want to tell you. I thought you'd get upset. I mean, me debuting in NEWS stole all your dreams of debut. And you were so mad about it…"
Toma recalled the moment he had heard from YamaPi that NEWS was to officially debut and become a permanent group, leaving the Four Tops to forever remain an incomplete three. He had been upset. Really upset. Never at YamaPi though. Rather, it was the situation into which they were being forced. And now… "I was." Toma smiled gently. "But that was three years ago and I'm over it. I may never be a true idol, but I think I'm alright with that. Acting keeps me busy enough as it is.
"Besides, I wouldn't let that get in the way of looking out for my friends when they need me. You should've told me, Pi."
YamaPi sighed, opening his eyes. "Dammit, it's really weird when Jin is right."
Toma arched an eyebrow at YamaPi's back as the idol bent forward to ash his cigarette again. "Isn't that an oxymoron?"
YamaPi chuckled, and it was heavier than he would have liked, but everything about the conversation they were having was heavy at this point. "It should be, but he was the one who told me I should've told you first. That you are good with this kind of stuff."
"I should send him a thank you card for saying such nice things." Toma met YamaPi's eyes and grinned, causing the other to break into a small grin as well.
For a while, the two sat there together quietly, comfortably-Toma nursing his small can of coffee and YamaPi finishing off his cigarette. It was always like this when they met: a sense that a good deal of time has passed, that they had clearly changed and yet, their friendship remained a reliable constant.
"You seemed a little agitated when we went out for dinner that last time," Toma casually mentioned, breaking the silence. "I thought something was up, but you didn't say anything, so I left it alone."
YamaPi just nodded, stubbing out his cigarette.
"And you just kept it all in until you told Koyama?"
YamaPi nodded yet again.
"Of all people?"
"What do you mean by that?" YamaPi found himself surprisingly defensive.
Toma shrugged, absently swishing around the leftover coffee in his can. "I don't know. It just seems odd that you would tell Koyama. I mean, I don't know him all that well, but I know you and for you to not share something so personal with your closest friends, but tell him kind of seems… well, for a lack of a better word, odd."
"Odd…" YamaPi echoed, thinking back to the conversation he had had with Koyama the night before their final performances in Sendai.
"Why me? Why not Ryo? Ryo would have been better. Or even Akanishi-kun. He's your best friend after all."
"But you're doing better now, right? With your solo coming up and everything?"
YamaPi gave Toma a reassuring smile. "At this point, I'm just going with the flow and hoping for the best. It's really all I can do, right?"
*~*~*
After the photo shoots (and catching up with Toma), YamaPi booked it across the city to get to Meiji on time for Contemporary American Literature. Even though he had taken the highway and sped through about four yellow lights, he still managed to be twenty minutes late, struggling to find parking until he was able to snag a spot near the Ochanomizu train station. Normally, he would not have been so frantic about getting to class on time (the professors probably cared less about who showed up for class than even the students), but somehow this time, YamaPi had wanted to try. To try and maybe be a proper student, at least as much as he could.
Luckily, it was a pretty large class, so he snuck into the lecture hall and slipped into an empty seat at the very back without causing too much of a fuss. A few girls a couple rows up noticed and started talking amongst themselves, looking back at him a few times, but other than that, he had been safe. A guy a few desks to his left passed him an extra copy of the book list and a pencil to borrow and YamaPi was able to keep up with the rest of the lecture. He even took notes, circling the books or authors that sounded potentially interesting and scribbling down general ideas. Every now and then, the professor would say something that made YamaPi think that Jin might even like this class, that is if he was not so opposed to reading anything aside from manga and magazines.
By the time class ended and everyone started filing out of the lecture hall into the hallway, YamaPi had a list of books that he would buy and hopefully get around to reading in a timely manner (that was, in time for the tests). Following the flow of people toward the stairs, YamaPi did not even notice the familiar presence that had settled in beside him. "Fancy meeting you here."
Startled, YamaPi grabbed at the stair railing to keep himself from tripping over his own feet. "Koyama!" he greeted as they continued down the stairs side by side.
"Hey, have you eaten lunch yet?" Koyama questioned, shifting his bag's strap on his shoulder.
"You know, I had like vegetable juice for breakfast and a cigarette, but that's it."
"The lunch it is. I'll even treat you, like a good college senpai."
The pair's timing could not have been better as they managed to get into the school cafeteria before lunch stopped being served altogether and YamaPi got himself a huge bowl of oyakodon (with an extra boiled egg courtesy of the older cafeteria lady) to make up for the fact that he had not even noticed he was running on empty while Koyama settled on the classic hayashi rice. The cafeteria was pretty deserted as well, so the two managed to snag a table against the windows that provided a beautiful view of their part of Tokyo on the clear, sunny day.
"So, you came to school today for that literature class?" Koyama asked, mixing some of the demiglace sauce with his rice.
"I did. It wasn't too bad, but that's probably thanks to your warnings about the professor and the fact that I didn't sit all that close to the front," YamaPi replied with a grin, peeling the shell off his boiled egg piece by piece. "How'd you know?"
"Well, you did mention it earlier this week on the phone, but there's also the book list that you're carrying around." Koyama motioned to the paper lying on the table between the two of them. "Any good books?"
"I think so. But I haven't read any of them yet, so it's not like I can't judge based on general overview." YamaPi salted his boiled egg and took a hearty bite out of it. "What are you doing at school?"
"Picking up some papers from my professors from last semester. I figured I could use some of the research I did for them to start narrowing down what I want to do my thesis on."
"Have any idea what you're going to write about?"
"None whatsoever."
The conversation continued as such over the rest of their lunch, topics flowing from school into work. Filming on Kurosagi was starting to get into its last leg, what with only a few more episodes to finish, and with all his promotion for "Daite Senorita" also, YamaPi was counting down the days until he could take some time for himself and just breathe. Koyama was keeping busy with school and all the different programs on which he was working. There was some talk of him maybe getting a supporting role in a TBS drama for the upcoming summer season too, so he was anticipating that.
Picking at the final grains of rice stuck to the inside of his bowl (YamaPi refused to let food go to waste, especially when it tasted as good as Meiji's cafeteria food could taste), YamaPi came to the sudden realization that he missed this. Talking with Koyama like this, sharing himself with Koyama. Recalling Toma's words from that morning, he recognized that it indeed was odd.
It was like when YamaPi was not looking, Koyama had become one of those people that he let in. One of those people that he wanted to let in.
"We should go drinking."
"Huh?" Koyama mouthed around his last spoon of rice, startled by YamaPi's abrupt suggestion.
"We should go drinking," YamaPi repeated, himself not exactly sure why he was making such a proposal, but somehow insistent about it.
"You just want to get me dead drunk and see what happens; Shige is a bad influence on you." Koyama shook his head, softly chuckling. "Weren't you just saying that you're schedule is absolutely full up for the next few weeks?"
"Oh, yeah. I guess so."
"Maybe another time."
"Yeah, some other time."
*~*~*
For about two days following his late lunch with Koyama, YamaPi mulled over what exactly he had meant by suggesting that the two of them go drinking. It bothered him so much that he had little time to worry about anything else, and by the time Monday evening rolled around, he only had one possible understanding of why he said what he said and only one person he could possibly talk to about it.
"Jin, I think I may want to get Koyama drunk and take advantage of him."
"…"
"Jin?" YamaPi was sitting on the tatami floor of his dressing room, his dinner-a yakiniku bentou-open on the table in front of him, but totally untouched. "Jin, are you there?"
"…are you trying to give me nightmares?"
"Wait, you were sleeping?" YamaPi glanced at his wristwatch and noted it was only ten. "Is this even something I want to be asking about?"
"I went drinking with Matsumoto and Ryo-chan yesterday, pulled an all-nighter, and got seriously wasted. Then I had rehearsal all afternoon and Kame was not happy and for some reason even Koki was on my ass, and yeah," Jin rattled off, his rather dead voice telling of his current state.
"Ryo let you get wasted?"
"Matsumoto, that awesome bastard. He planned it so well. He got Ryo drunk first and then the two of them ganged up on me. I think I may have lost a liver."
"Jin, that's not even possible." YamaPi rolled his eyes, randomly spearing a piece of meat with a lone chopstick. "You only have one liver to start with."
"Yeah, well, I think I might've come close to breaking it last night," Jin dismissed. "What is this about you wanting to take advantage of Koyama though? Is this a new development or have you been holding out on me and you guys were totally dating the entire time?"
"The entire time of what?"
"Him helping you through your quarter-life crisis."
YamaPi actually pulled his cell phone away from his ear and gave it an absolutely bewildered look before continuing on with the conversation. "God, you really are hung over. I just turned twenty-one last month; how could I possibly be having a quarter-life crisis?! Wait. Don't answer that. Just go with me on this."
There was a pause and then Jin returned, "Okay."
"…ithinkilikekoyama."
"I know that I'm not as smart as you, but was that in a language that I speak?"
YamaPi sighed, standing up and occupying himself by walking around the small dressing room. He stopped in front of the makeup mirror, staring at his reflection as he repeated the words slower for Jin to properly catch. "I think I like Koyama."
There was a long silence on the other end of the line and YamaPi thought that Jin might have fallen asleep (he honestly would not put anything past his best friend), but then Jin spoke, sounding a lot more serious than he had been earlier. "Didn't I just say that? Really, Pi. I could have told you that a month ago."
"What?"
"The whole arrangement between you and Koyama was weird in the first place," Jin began to explain, his voice even and awake. YamaPi imagined the other sitting up in his bed, probably having given up on sleep for the time being. "Ryo apparently knew from the moment you two started being weird on tour. I knew as soon as you finished explaining everything at dinner that one night. And Toma…well, Toma already told you he thought it was weird too."
"How do you know-" YamaPi stopped midway through his question as he realized the answer on his own. "Toma told you he talked to me the other day, didn't he?"
"Of course he did. We have to look out for our friends, right?" Jin questioned rhetorically, his tone strangely chipper for someone who claimed to still be suffering from the aftereffects of having almost broken his liver the night before. "But seriously speaking, you letting people in is huge. You were so focused on what you were losing though, that it was like you totally didn't notice that you'd gained something in the process too."
YamaPi took a moment to absorb Jin's words, sitting down in his makeup chair. "Wow. You sure you weren't channeling Toma there?"
"I could have been. We've been talking a lot in the past two days about you, so he may have rubbed off on me."
"How did you know I liked Koyama though? I mean, for all the three of you knew, I could have just thought of him as a friend like you."
"Pi, you were the one who called me while I was sleeping to tell me that you wanted to get Koyama drunk and take advantage of him. I don't think I need to say more."
YamaPi found himself silenced, unable to find an appropriate retort. He did say that after all. "So what should I do?" he sighed with a soft frown, staring at his pathetic image in the mirror.
"Are you seriously asking me that?" Jin was incredulous. "Who are you again? Because I thought I was talking to YamaPi, one of the super idols of Johnny's."
"Picking up some random guy at a club or a random girl at school is not exactly the same as confessing to your fellow band-mate, Jin."
"But you're not even in the same group right now! NEWS is on hiatus!"
"Was that supposed to make me feel better? Because really, it didn't."
"Do you actually think Koyama is going to hate you forever if you told him that you liked him? That it would ruin all that wonderful member love you all have going on?"
YamaPi dropped his head slightly and shook it. Clearly, this was the reason Jin and him were best friends. Even before he could put into words what he was thinking, Jin was already saying it-always able to easily express that which YamaPi struggled to. "I think that it's reasonable to think that it could happen, you know," YamaPi retorted with a sigh. "I mean, we're not like KAT-TUN. We don't have big fights and make up the next day. We haven't even been that close until recently."
After a long moment, Jin spoke. "Pi, look. As far as I can tell with my 'best friend super senses', this is bothering you. I think you should tell Koyama that you like him, if only to get it off your chest. Because you already have a crapload of other stuff you need to deal with anyway. But knowing you, you're not going to tell him right away, are you?"
"...no." YamaPi gnawed on his lower lip, seriously taking in Jin's words. "I don't want to ruin it just yet. Not when I don't totally get it myself."
"What is there to get, Pi?" Jin pressed. "You are interested in Koyama beyond friendship. You want to make out with him, have sex with him."
"Vulgar much?"
"I hate to break it to you, but you're no pristine white virgin, Pi."
"How would you know?"
"Um, at whose house did we used to have our monthly porn viewing party?"
"…"
"Whatever. Just bite the bullet, Pi. I really think it'd be the best for both of you."
*~*~*
date: 16/05/06 11:11
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
Remember that drama I was telling you about?
I got the role! わぁ━━ヽ(。´▽｀。)ノ━━ぃ!!
I'll be playing the youngest son in a family
of peach farmers! I don't know much details,
but I'm excited! There will be lots of location
shooting too! Fun!
How are you? Have you started reading
like a good student? y(^ー^)y
*~*~*
date: 18/05/06 22:52
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Sorry for replying so late, got caught up
in a lot of stuff. Nothing new really.
Your new drama sounds like fun.
Peach farmers, huh? I forget, do you even
like peaches?
I've started reading The Great Gatsby.
There are some similarities between
it and Kurosagi. It seems like
everything in my life is like this drama lately.
*~*~*
date: 19/05/06 9:50
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
Of course, I like peaches!
I LOVE peaches! ♥♥♥♥♥
But according to the script, my character
is allergic to them! (￢з￢)
You sound busy. Is everything going okay?
Call me if you need to talk. Or let me know
when you'll be at school. We can go and have lunch again. (^O^)y
*~*~*
date: 22/05/06 13:02
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
I haven't heard from you in a week and I was kind of
worried. Why exactly am I worrying about your
love life, I don't know. (o.O) It's a little creepy.
And no, I'm not jealous of Koyama.
As if he could possibly take my number one spot
in your heart. ♥
BEST FRIENDS 4EVER.
A friendly kick in the pants from yours truly. (^m^ )
*~*~*
date: 22/05/06 20:01
to: Akanishi Jin
from: YamaPi
I clearly must have been out of my mind
when I thought it was a good idea to tell you,
of all people. (一。一;;）
*~*~*
date: 22/05/06 21:52
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
Stop bitching at me and tell Koyama already!
OR ELSE I WILL!!!! (r-.-)r
*~*~*
date: 23/05/06 10:08
to: Akanishi Jin
from: YamaPi
Was that supposed to scare me into telling him?
Because, hate to tell you, but you failed.
You barely know Koyama, how are you supposed
to tell him that I like him? He'd totally laugh
in your face. (￣ー￣)b
*~*~*
date: 24/05/06 00:25
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
Koyama's nicer than you. ♥
He might think I was crazy, but he wouldn't
laugh at me. At least, I hope not.（；_；）
*~*~*
date: 24/05/06 15:34
to: Akanishi Jin
from: YamaPi
And you're okay with that? (o.O)
*~*~*
date: 24/05/06 17:09
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
Anything for you, Pi~（￣ε￣＠）ＣＨＵ-
*~*~*
"YamaPi, take five! I want to work with the juniors a little bit."
YamaPi nodded at the choreographer, falling out of his given place in front of the wall of mirrors in the dance studio and making his way over to where he had tossed his belongings against the folded gymnastic mats. Grabbing for his water bottle sitting in its sheath on the outside of his gym bag, he collapsed to the floor, gulping the water down greedily.
Today's schedule was particularly grueling-early morning on-set call for Kurosagi that led straight into rehearsals for tonight's Music Station and was followed by the real thing-and YamaPi just could not pull it together and focus. Vocally, he was completely shot. Choreography that he should have been familiar with from performing "Daite Senorita" on tour seemed absolutely foreign to his limbs, which were not interested in dancing today in the least. It was so bad that Kawano-san stepped out twenty minutes earlier, crushing a half-empty box of cigarettes in his grip.
YamaPi did not blame him in the least. Hell, YamaPi would have joined him if he had not been so keenly aware that one cigarette would lead to two would lead to three and so on. Somehow, he did not think that a nicotine high was going to get him through today; he might just cough up a lung on national television instead.
As his pulse slowed and he recharged, leaning against the mats and jealously watching Kis-my-ft2 and A.B.C. work through their choreography with ease, YamaPi frowned. He wanted to dance with ease and to sing with confidence, reflecting the YamaPi that he projected to the world. Instead, he seemed to be mimicking the unsure and confused Yamashita Tomohisa he was within. Not exactly the shiny idol image for which he was shooting.
Despite having purposely stopped all communication with Koyama following his chipper and encouraging email just over a week ago (because frankly, if they had continued at that rate, YamaPi thought he might end up spamming Koyama's cell phone with messages filled with just emoji expressing his undying love and that just was not his style), YamaPi could not stop thinking about Koyama and the implications of what he had admitted to Jin. It probably did not help that Jin kept sending him message after message trying to peer pressure him into a sappy love confession, in which YamaPi absolutely had no interest. YamaPi needed some serious thinking time to process this all. Of course, he barely had any of his own to spare and thus, only the complications that were involved with the idea of liking Koyama swarmed in his mind, not a single reasonable answer in sight.
"Ah, to be a junior again…"
Startled by the sudden new voice, YamaPi glanced up to find the subject of his thoughts moving to sit down next to him on the cold floor. "You want to be a junior?" YamaPi blurted out the only response he could construct at that moment.
Koyama grinned softly, pulling his knees up and resting his arms across them, all the while watching Kis-my-ft2 and A.B.C. continue their run through without YamaPi. "Sometimes. I mean, it feels like nowadays all the juniors are looking up at us and dreaming hard for a debut and totally missing out on the fun of being a junior. Performing for the sake of performing. No pressure, just having fun."
"For me, there was always pressure," YamaPi returned, glancing at Koyama before following the other's gaze to the juniors.
"There didn't have to be," Koyama insisted gently. "Just like there doesn't have to be pressure now."
YamaPi grinned faintly, knowingly. "You heard me singing earlier, didn't you?"
Koyama shook his head with a chuckle. "I didn't have to. I saw Kawano-san kicking at the cigarette machine for being broken on my way here."
"I feel bad for Kawano-san sometimes." YamaPi rubbed his fidgety hands down the length of his thighs. "I've put him through a lot of shit in the past months. And he has no idea why."
Koyama blinked in confusion and turned his attention toward YamaPi. "I don't think you're giving Kawano-san much credit there, you know. He's been your manager for how many years now? He probably knows Yamashita Tomohisa a lot better than you think."
YamaPi arched his eyebrow skeptically. "How could he possibly?"
He could see Koyama hesitate, biting on his lower lip, carefully contemplating his words before he voiced them. After a long moment of anticipation on YamaPi's part, Koyama finally spoke. "I don't know how many times I've heard you tell me about the importance of keeping your personal life and work separate. That YamaPi is simply a persona that your can turn on and off at the drop of a hat.
"But to be honest, from what I can tell, despite how you try to keep the two separate, you don't. If anything, the struggle you're having right now? Accepting NEWS's hiatus and having the confidence to go solo on your own? That's proof right there that you aren't." Koyama met YamaPi's dark eyes with his own. "You're personally invested in your work, YamaPi. Your fans. The staff. NEWS. If you weren't, you wouldn't be this confused, this upset. And really, I don't think that's a terrible thing."
"YamaPi! We're ready for you now!"
The idol barely heard the choreographer calling his name, so absorbed in Koyama's choice words. They had been…
"YamaPi! We don't have much time! Hurry up please!"
"You'd better go." Koyama smiled that easy and honest smile of his-a touch of unease evident as he was clearly unsure of how to take YamaPi's subdued reaction-and urged his fellow idol toward the practice session once more with a gentle push.
Next thing YamaPi knew, he was back to singing off-key and tripping over his own two feet, Koyama nowhere in sight.
*~*~*
date: 26/05/06 18:10
to: YamaPi
from: Koyama Keiichiro
I can't believe I actually forgot to tell you! (>.<)
Good luck on Music Station tonight!
I'll definitely be watching~! (v^-^v)
ganbatte!
*~*~*
Opening the door to a dressing room labeled "Yamashita Tomohisa" and finding it completely empty was strange. Normally, he was always the last one to show up to Music Station rehearsals-the other members would already be in the dressing room in various states of readiness, talking, laughing, singing, or doing whatever. Today was clearly different. Not that he had expected it to be just like old times, but YamaPi had not expected to be so overwhelmed by the bareness of it all.
Walking through those double doors that led onto Music Station's main stage and sitting on the set alone, watching the other artists before him run through their songs was odd. Just like in the dressing room, he was used to the noise of the other members-the awe after watching a fellow artist pull off a brilliant performance even though it was just rehearsal, the understanding when someone would accidentally make a mistake, and the encouragement that would be offered to each performer after they finished their run-through. On his own, he still did these things, but there seemed to be something lacking in his solitary actions.
Grabbing a quick dinner at the building's cafeteria on the first floor by himself, decked head to toe in his shiny, glittery, furry costume that could only be expected of a Johnny's idol was somewhat awkward. As he went over to the ticket machine and inserted his money for the oyakodon ticket, he could not help but be aware of the other TV Asahi staff in the cafeteria casting glances in his direction. They were not bad looks of course, but were more along the lines of, "Oh look! There's YamaPi!" and he was used to that, but at the same time, he was not. Normally, him and Ryo (and sometimes Shige and Massu) would grab dinner together before Music Station performances and whenever they got those looks (which they always did), YamaPi tended to follow Ryo's lead and acknowledged them with a kind smile. This time however, he found himself giving the slightest of awkward bows in reply-a bit more timid and reserved than he tended to be when around his fellow members.
Sitting down at a table with his tray of oyakodon and a glass of water, YamaPi pulled his cell phone out, making to call Jin in hopes of getting rid of the discomfort and jitters from which he was suffering. Instead, he noticed that he had new messages in his inbox and flipped over to that. There were two-one from Jin from few hours ago, and one from Koyama from just a little over an hour ago.
YamaPi opened Koyama's first and read it.
And smiled.
And then proceeded to type out a lengthy reply.
*~*~*
date: 26/05/06 19:27
to: Koyama Keiichiro
from: YamaPi
Thank you. For everything really,
not just that good luck message you just sent me.
I've been trying to figure out how to say that
to you for the longest time. Really. I guess maybe
you know that already what with your awesome
mothering intuition, but I am seriously grateful.
What you said to me this afternoon about
my personal life and work? You were totally right.
I was so surprised by how right you were.
Not that you're not allowed to be right or anything
like that, but the fact that I recognized that you were
right surprised me. Because I don't normally admit to
stuff like that easily. You should know that better
than anyone else. (^__^) NEWS means a lot to me.
Professionally as fellow band-mates and personally
as friends whom I've grown to care for over the years.
It's more than that though. And I'm sorry if this comes off
sounding like some lovesick middle school girl
is confessing to you or something, but I can't seem to
figure out how to make this sound normal. But I
like you too, Koyama. You've looked out and been
concerned for me. At this point, I don't think it would be
too much of a stretch to say you know me better than myself.
We've talked so much about so many things, I feel like
I can say I know you pretty well too. But I know
there's still a lot I don't know that I want to. So, I don't know,
maybe you'll consider it?
*~*~*
"Read this." Koyama shoved his cell phone into Shige's face the moment they met on the train platform on the breezy Saturday morning.
Shige had to literally dodge the cell phone to avoid having the screen smashed firmly against his nose. "What is this?" Bewildered, he glanced at Koyama-who looked strangely nervous and fidgety-before focusing in on the phone's screen, and noting YamaPi's name in the sender space. "Is this about Yamashita-kun again?" he moaned.
"Read. It." Koyama shoved the cell phone further at Shige's face causing the Domo-kun phone strap charm-a birthday present from Haru-kun-hanging off it to jiggle.
Just as the train pulled up to the platform, Shige was finishing off the final sentences of the final paragraph and Koyama carefully guided the other onto the somewhat empty train and over to a pair of empty seats in the far corner of the car. It was with the kindly feminine voice alerting them that the doors were closing and the hiss of the automatic train doors that Shige finished reading the message, at last understanding why Koyama had called him last night, insisting that they have an early brunch no matter what this morning.
The two maintained a cautious silence on the train even though there was barely anyone else in the car with them-a group of middle school boys dressed in track suits with duffel bags slung over their backs on the other side of the car got off at Sendagaya and there were few business men that got on at Yotsuya, but aside from them, just a handful of rotating random strangers who got off and on at different stops. The best friends communicated primarily through eye contact-Shige looking at Koyama with big eyes of disbelief, and Koyama returning the looks with long, stern ones that insisted Shige wait until Koyama could actually explain what exactly had happened.
Eventually, the train pulled into their stop, Ochanomizu, and Koyama silently dragged Shige out the station, past Meiji and the various bookstores until they ended up at one of Koyama's usual haunts, a bagel store/restaurant that could be counted on to be open at ten in the morning on a weekend.
Once they were finally settled on the near empty second floor of the restaurant, sitting at a table next to the window that looked out onto the wide street below with their respective bagel sandwiches steaming before them, Koyama opened his mouth. "He sent me that yesterday night."
Shige rolled his eyes. "I gathered that much."
"You heard about what happened last night on Music Station right?"
"No. What happened?"
"YamaPi's microphone fell over while he was lipsyncing during his live."
"Oh. That is bad."
Though Shige expressed serious concern at YamaPi's mishap and even winced appropriately when told, Koyama did not seem to think that was sufficient enough of a reaction and frowned. "This was after he sent me that message!"
"So?" Shige blinked, setting his bagel back down on his plate. "Wait. Are you actually blaming yourself for Yamashita-kun's mess up on live television because of a message?!"
"It wasn't just any message!"
"Yes, Yamashita-kun was declaring his undying love for you." Shige rolled his eyes.
Koyama frowned, stabbing his bagel sandwich randomly with his pathetically weak plastic knife and getting nowhere. "I didn't say that. YamaPi didn't say that."
Shige stared at Koyama head on until the other met his gaze. "So what did Yamashita-kun say? Since you are the expert on Yamashita-kun nowadays."
"Are you jealous?"
"…HUH?" Shige fought everything to not bang his head against the table right then and there.
Koyama shrugged. "I don't know. You sound jealous."
"Trust me. I am not jealous." Shige took hearty bite out of his sandwich, chewing thoroughly and swallowing before continuing. "You didn't give him an answer yet, did you?"
Koyama shook his drooped head, having returned to prodding his bagel with his silverware. "How am I supposed to answer?"
They both were still in middle school, Shige decided-YamaPi with his long-winded, awkward written confession and Koyama with his timid insecurity as to his own feelings and how he should return YamaPi's. Forget middle school. The two of them were something straight out of a Kitagawa Eriko romance drama. Now all that was needed was some meaningful ballad penned by Oda Kazumasa with KAT-TUN singing it and everything would be set.
"You could try, I don't know, being direct for once," Shige suggested in a sarcastically off-handed tone. "The way you two have been dancing around each other has been sort of driving Nishikido-kun and me crazy."
Lifting his head, Koyama looked up at Shige, his small eyes oddly big. "It has? …wait, how did you know that I liked YamaPi? I never told you! I never told anyone!"
"As if you needed to tell me. I'm not your best friend for nothing you know." Shige flashed his brunch companion a matter-of-fact grin. "I may have guessed wrong about you having a girlfriend, but I knew you were interested in someone. After you made up that ridiculous lie to save Yamashita-kun's face, it became obvious."
Koyama took a large chomp out of his bagel sandwich, trying to hide his displeasure behind the food. He had not even realized it until his birthday just a little under a month ago, so how did Shige know about it before then?! "Why didn't you say anything?" he questioned after swallowing.
"Was I supposed to say something?" Shige looked at Koyama quizzically. "What was I even supposed to say?"
There was pause as Koyama struggled to find something to say. "I don't know," he mumbled, gnawing on his lower lip. "Talked me out of it?"
"Out of liking Yamashita-kun?"
"Yes."
"Are we both having the same conversation here?" Shige looked at Koyama, absolutely astounded by his best friend's thought process. "Yamashita-kun confessed to you. Granted, it was not the most eloquent confession ever, but it was a confession. He likes you, Koyama. And you like him. Usually something like this is a call for a celebration of some sort."
"I know," Koyama returned distractedly, staring into his cup of coffee that had gone cold a while ago. "But I can't help but worry. Worry that if this should all go wrong, I'd destroy his faith in NEWS and in member love and-"
"But what if it all should go right?" Shige countered, not letting Koyama spin off into his doubts and worries like he could in his most unsure moments. "You'll never know until you take a chance, Kei. I'm telling you as your best friend here, take a chance."
*~*~*
With the loud buzzing that came from his vibrating cell phone, YamaPi pulled his head out from underneath his pillow once more, answering the call with a sleep-laced voice. "Hello?"
"Oi, Pi. It's me."
"You're not Koyama."
"I wasn't aware that I was supposed to be," Ryo retorted on the other side of the call.
"You are the eleventh person who hasn't been Koyama," YamaPi moaned, falling back into his futon with a small yawn.
"…did you finally tell Koyama you liked him?" YamaPi was not surprised that Ryo was not surprised, as the older man only scoffed at him. Really, at this point, he would not have been surprised if Johnny-san knew that he liked Koyama.
"I sent him a message last night. Before Music Station."
"What are you? Twelve? You should've called him. Then you wouldn't be waiting for him to call you now, you know."
"I know. But I wouldn't have been able to say a damn thing if I had and then forget knocking the microphone over, I would have knocked a bunch of juniors over instead."
"I always told you that you had two left feet."
"Thank you, Ryo-chan. I love you too."
"No, you don't. You love Koyama."
"I really like Koyama. I want to maybe try loving him."
"God you are so girly. Glad to see that the whole mess-up last night hasn't fazed you."
"It was embarrassing, that's for sure." YamaPi glanced at the clock on the VCR, noting it was almost noon. His mother was probably already gone, meeting up with friends in Ikebukuro and his sister was on a picnic lunch with her newest boyfriend. They had left him alone, sprawled out on his futon in the middle of the living room. "Mom said I was a lame idol."
"You are a lame idol. A boring one too."
"You know what? I'm going to hang up on you now because you're the eleventh person who has not been Koyama. Goodbye-"
"Give him time, Pi." Ryo cut YamaPi off with his more serious advice, managing to avoid getting hung up on. "I know you're anxious, but you know how Koyama tends to go 'Mother Hen' on almost everything. He's probably going to need a few days to process everything before he's ready to answer you."
"I don't think I can wait."
"At this point, I don't think you have much of a choice, Pi."
*~*~*
"Yamashita-kun is so hot!"
"Wow! That is really an awesome poster."
"I'm definitely buying that CD!"
"I already reserved it at Tsutaya!"
"Could YamaPi possibly be any hotter?! Seriously!"
As Koyama wandered out of the Hachiko exit of the train station, he found himself assaulted by the barrage of voices, the loud chattering cutting through all the other various noises that populated the busy Shibuya. Turning to his left, he spotted the five high school girls in a circle, animatedly carrying on about YamaPi. They were hardly directing their conversation at him, of that he was sure-he was unrecognizable in his favorite sunglasses and a black beanie pulled down low on his forehead. Instead, their attention was fully focused on the larger-than-life image of YamaPi plastered around the curved front of the Shibuya Men's 109 building.
The smallest of smiles tickled Koyama's lips as he joined the ranks of the young girls, staring up at the solemn, brooding image of YamaPi advertising his debut solo single. Despite being very aware that it was only a poster, Koyama could not help but feel like YamaPi was returning his gaze, those dark eyes penetrating straight through him, able to read his innermost thoughts. When had he done that photo shoot? What had he been thinking as he faced the camera? Had he been thinking about NEWS? About Koyama?
Koyama shook his head, breaking his gaze with the poster image of his fellow band-mate. He was more than that now thought, wasn't he? YamaPi had confessed his feelings just a couple of days ago-five days ago to be exact, but who was counting?-admitting that he liked Koyama beyond their intimate friendship that had developed rather quickly over the past two months.
All the walk signals in Shibuya Crossing flashed on and Koyama was swept along with the crowds, leaving YamaPi behind on the building. Unconsciously, his thin fingers wrapped around the strap of his bag hanging off his shoulder as his thoughts wandered back to that message. Koyama had not replied to it yet, and the more time he took thinking about it, the more he only seemed to confuse himself.
He liked YamaPi and YamaPi liked him; that was not the problem at all. If they got together, that was when the problems would start to crop up. What would management think? How would their friends and band-mates react? Could it affect the return of NEWS? Koyama questioned everything, all the way to the most ridiculous situation. Of course, every answer he managed to come up with involved a doomsday scenario of some sort-management disbanding NEWS for good, Koyama being forced out of the jimusho, and YamaPi being worked to near death as he is made to go solo permanently. That kind of thing.
It was not as if dating within the jimusho or amongst groups was unheard of or frowned upon even, but the worrywart in Koyama just came out in full-force when it came to things he cared about.
And he truly did care. About YamaPi. About NEWS.
"Here you go!"
From underneath his sunglasses, Koyama blinked at the chipper young woman in front of him, who was wearing a bright smile and holding out the string to a balloon for him to receive. Did he really look like he needed a balloon? Nevertheless, with the slightest of bow of his head, the idol took the balloon, unable to decline the offer. He was just bad at that kind of stuff; he had a huge collection of tissue packs at home to prove it.
As he continued down the sidewalk toward his destination, balloon in hand, he noticed that other people were holding onto balloons too. Mostly girls in pairs or in small groups carrying bags from their preferred music store-Tsutaya, Tower Records, or HMV-in one hand and in the other, clutching the precious balloon string. He had not bothered looking at the balloon earlier (he just politely and somewhat instinctually received it), but it was a shiny black balloon with some white screen writing on it. Koyama could not really make out the writing, seeing as he was squinting at the girl across the street walking with some guy he assumed was her boyfriend, so instead he pulled his own balloon down and properly looked at it for the first time.
And then laughed out loud.
A few people in the general area around him kind of stepped away from him, but Koyama was too busy being amused by the balloon to notice.
Printed in white, bolded characters across the front of the balloon was "Daite Senorita".
After a moment, he let go of the balloon, allowing it to return to floating above him on its string. He started walking again toward his destination, following the blaring of said song to its source in the front of HMV. He stared at the front display window, the cover art of the single blown up and prominently positioned for all to see. Shige's words from their emergency brunch a couple of days ago resurfaced in his memory.
" But what if it all should go right? You'll never know until you take a chance, Kei. I'm telling you as your best friend here, take a chance."
Koyama stepped through HMV's sliding doors and decided on taking a chance.
*~*~*
"It figures you'd be here."
YamaPi glanced up from the ashcan in front of him where he was stubbing out what was left of his cigarette to find Koyama standing on the other side of the small smoking lounge.
It took a moment for YamaPi to recover from being startled by other's sudden appearance. He had been waiting, just as Ryo had advised him, but somehow YamaPi had not expected to see him at that very moment. "Koyama…"
Koyama smiled softly, awkwardly, as he crossed the distance and came to stand before YamaPi, sitting on yet another one of those tacky, plastic sofas that seemed to only be found in rooms such as this. It was only then that YamaPi noted the "Daite Senorita" balloon tied to the HMV bag that Koyama was carrying. "In Shibuya today?"
"I was." The older idol nodded, adjusting his sunglasses that were now hanging from his necklace. "Here." He shoved the HMV bag and balloon at YamaPi.
YamaPi looked bemusedly up at Koyama and then at the bag, before taking it. Opening it, he found that Koyama had bought both the limited DVD press and the regular press of "Daite Senorita", the regular press of "Sayaendou", and the regular press of "Seishun Amigo".
"I know it's kind of cheesy and girly, but I had to buy all of them. Because they're all you, you know? On your own, with NEWS, or with someone else all together, you're still Yamashita Tomohisa. Still YamaPi. That will never change."
YamaPi took the CDs out of the bag and looked through them individually, noting the different images of himself portrayed on each CD cover. Then he looked at Koyama and just smiled.
Koyama returned his smile.
*~*~*
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