What Has Always Been There, Part One
title: What Has Always Been There
author: nihongofrancais
genre: RPS, NEWS
pairing: Koyama/YamaPi
rating: overall PG-13
words: just under 39,000 words
disclaimer: the boys believe they own themselves; really Johnny owns 'em all. *snicker*
summary: Often, we find we don't realize what we have until it's gone. YamaPi struggles to cope in the aftermath of the announcement of NEWS's hiatus.
author's note: a labor of love in the name of my OTP KoyamaPi, originally inspired by YamaPi's February 2007 appearance on Shounen Club Premium and written over the span of one year from March 2007 through March 2008. Thanks to anamuan for betaing the majority of this monster and tinyangl, 4_03_am and jadedfrenzy for being my test readers. There is love for each and every one of you. ♥
part zero | part one | part two | part three | part four | coda |
March 2006
The running figures of Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio filled the television screen and YamaPi was absolutely enthralled in the world of Catch Me If You Can. Was Frank going to get caught? He couldn't be caught! He was too good!
Just when it looked like there was no way out for Frank, the chorus of "TEPPEN" came blasting out of his cell phone, startling him. YamaPi quickly paused the DVD, picking up the cell phone from where it laid on the coffee table in front of him. "Hello?"
"It's me."
"Oh. Yo."
"Yo. What are you doing?"
"Nothing much. Just watching a movie."
"Oh? What movie?"
"Catch Me If You Can. I thought I could get a few tips on how to play a swindler." YamaPi chuckled mostly to himself as he stretched out his legs on the sofa where he was seated. "It's a pretty good movie so far."
"Hmm, maybe I should watch it if I'm going to be playing a swindler too."
"Eh?!" Mere moments after he had comfortably settled himself, YamaPi found himself nearly jumping off the sofa in surprise. "Since when are you playing a swindler, Koyama?"
Koyama's amused laughter rang in YamaPi's ear. "You nearly fell over, didn't you?"
YamaPi rolled his eyes at the other's ability to judge the level of his reaction despite not seeing him in person. "Just explain already!"
"I would've thought you'd heard already," Koyama mused before launching into his announcement. "I'm guest starring in the second episode of Kurosagi!"
"Seriously?!" YamaPi was sitting on the end of the sofa cushions now, feet firmly planted on the carpeted floor. "Awesome! So who are you playing?"
"I haven't received the script or anything, but I'm playing Kurosaki's high school friend, Tanabe Satoshi. I get to be a marriage swindler, stealing the money of those stupid enough to fall for me."
The dark-haired idol noted the mysterious lilt that took over Koyama's voice as he said "marriage swindler" and grinned. "You're totally hyped for this, aren't you?"
"Of course I am! It's something new. I get to cheat people!" Koyama returned and YamaPi had an image of him pumping his fist into the air on the other side of the line, what with all the excitement he could hear in the other. "But really, I'm excited for us to be working together on a drama for the first time; it's going to be so much fun! Member love!"
"That it is," YamaPi agreed with a soft smile. He leaned back, letting his arm hang over the side of the sofa. "So, when do you crank in?"
He could hear the turning pages of what he assumed to be Koyama's meticulously well-kept planner. "Ah, here it is. I start on April 1st, after the first concert performances."
"Oh, okay. I'll look forward to it then."
"Well, I've got go to a party some Meiji friends are throwing for our senpai graduating this year, so I'll talk to you later!"
YamaPi unconsciously nodded his head even though Koyama could not see it. "Later!" He tried to match the exuberance in the other's voice, and did a somewhat decent job of it, despite his mood having fallen somewhat. As soon as he heard the click that told him Koyama had hung up, he shut his own cell phone as well, tossing it aside.
"Member love, huh?" YamaPi sighed quietly, lolling his head backwards. Absently, he hit play on the DVD player, allowing Catch Me If You Can to continue. Even as the shouts of the conclusion of the chase sequence swept over him, he found his enthusiasm for the movie had been lost; his attention clearly elsewhere.
*~*~*
YamaPi lumbered into the dressing room, hands full of plastic bags filled with snacks and drinks and his stuffed duffel bag slung across his chest, smacking against the back of his legs every time he took a step forward. He was not at all surprised to be greeted by the emptiness; the strains of "Sayendou" that he could hear coming from the studio next door told him that rehearsals already had started up in earnest.
He hefted the heavy bags onto the large table in the middle of the room, and then tossed his duffel bag into a corner. He had already changed into his t-shirt and windbreakers when he was changing out of costume after finishing Kurosagi for the day; shooting at the train station had taken longer than scheduled and he had known he was going to be late. YamaPi took a short moment to roll the sleeves on his shirt up to his shoulders, and then made for the door, hoping not to lose any more precious rehearsal time. After all, the start of the spring concert tour was less than a week away and NEWS had to be at their absolute best.
Just as he was making for the door however, the other NEWS members came streaming into the dressing room. "Oi! Pi! You're late!" Ryo scolded, being the first one through the door. Various normal greetings followed from everyone else.
"Sorry for being late; shooting ran over," YamaPi apologized. He motioned over to the food-filled bags that Massu and Shige had started exploring already. "I brought snacks to make up for it."
"Pudding~!" Massu ran off to a corner, hugging his newfound snack to his chest.
Koyama's ears perked at the cry of pudding and he wandered over to the table of snacks. "There is more than one pudding, right?"
The corners of YamaPi's mouth quirked slightly. How predictable were his band-mates when it came to pudding? Very. "There's at least one in there for everyone."
"Yes!" Koyama cheered, diving in to find his own pudding.
Shige almost guffawed when discovered what was in one of the smaller bags. "Nice, Yamashita-kun. Nice." He held up the large bag of Saya snow pea crisps for everyone to see.
Tegoshi grabbed himself a bottle of Pokari Sweat from amongst the drinks brought and then eyed the bag Shige showed off. "Ooh! I love Saya!"
"What?" YamaPi grabbed the green bag and opened it, eating a couple of the snow pea-flavored chips. "I thought it was appropriate with 'Sayaendou'! Besides, they're good!"
Ryo joined them at the center of the room, his cell phone to his ear as he checked his voicemail. "You would think that," he retorted, snagging a few of the aptly-named chips from over YamaPi's shoulder. "Such the brilliant leader you are, Pi."
YamaPi rolled his eyes good-naturedly at Ryo. "That I am!" he proclaimed, obviously with more bravado than needed and a big grin. He dug a few more pea chips out before setting the bag aside on the table. "How far have you gotten?" In turning his question toward the rehearsal, he effectively steered the subject away from his dorky food purchase.
"We did a run-through of all the group songs and after this, we're doing the solos." Tegoshi settled down on one of the chairs at the large table across from YamaPi, nibbling on some Men's Pocky. "Ishida-san got mad at Massu because he kept on messing up on the choreography for 'NEWS Nippon'." The youngest idol chuckled slightly as he recalled the image of their short-tempered choreographer.
"How could you get that wrong, Massu?" Ryo added, slipping his cell phone back into his bag after finally finishing with it. "It's only our oldest song. Has all that muscle power started draining your brain power?"
Massu appeared to be enjoying his pudding slowly, licking the spoon thoroughly, but there was something in the way he sat in his chair-sideways, with his legs drawn up to his chest and leaning against the wall-that said otherwise. "...it just seems awkward doing it as six."
No more words needed to be said for the full meaning of his words to be understood. They had done "NEWS Nippon" many times as six; they had done entire concerts with only six members. That was normal. But usually that meant that Ryo and Uchi were off working with Kanjani8-later, just becoming Ryo. Either way, six was never a permanent number for NEWS. And now it was. In a week's time, they would do an entire concert tour at the full power of six. Not nine, not eight, not seven, six.
Look how small they had become.
And after May, they would all but disappear.
YamaPi quickly noted the downward plunge in the collective mood of the group after Massu's honest comment and sought to remedy it; they would be no good to each other right now like this. But he was beaten to the punch when Shige spoke up from where he sat on top of the makeup tables in front the mirrors, tightly gripping his plastic water bottle.
"I talked to Kusano last night."
Five pairs of eyes were completely focused on Shige.
"He sounded pretty okay; he was talking about how his college entrance ceremony is next week. Wanted know how we were all doing. I told him we were good." Shige tried to sound nonchalant about the whole thing, but there was no way he could. Not with the way he constantly rolled the water bottle over and over again in his hands.
"He could've called us all and asked us himself," Tegoshi mumbled quietly, his mouth full of Pocky, barely coherent.
"It probably was hard enough for him to call Shige." Koyama stood up, tossing his empty pudding cup into the trash. He left the, "He blames himself for everything that's happened," unsaid. Instead, the oldest NEWS member glanced over at YamaPi, who seemed poised to say something; only their leader's words could fix the conversation that had gone from bad to worse.
"I know this is hard on everyone right now, but everything really will be fine; we'll get through all this and be the stronger for it. Everything will be alright!" His voice was overflowing with confidence and belief; if he believed, everyone had to believe as well. "We're like peas after all!"
Snatching the open bag of Saya crisps off the table, YamaPi started waving it in the air. "Bravo! Bravo! oiratachi wa maru de sayaendou! Bravo! Bravo! tomo ni wakachiatta namida!"
A collective groan followed by snickers as YamaPi sung the entire chorus of "Sayendou" acapella with the entire choreography. The poor bag of snow pea crisps was completely at YamaPi's whim, flailing every which way according to the dance moves Some actually flew out of the bag, pelting his band-mates with the snack food.
"Are you an idiot?!" Ryo cried at his friend from the sofa when he was hit smack in the cheek with a snow pea crisp. Despite his irritated tone, the surly idol was grinning widely as he ate the pea that had assaulted him. "And you've got it wrong! You're supposed to put your left foot out, not your right!"
"Really?" YamaPi looked down at his feet, and indeed he was favoring his right foot over his left. At that point, Koyama and Massu were outright laughing and Shige and Tegoshi were struggling to keep their laughter in check. "You're right!"
"Of course I am!"
~*~*~
"Good night!" Koyama excused himself as he left the rehearsal studio, shutting the door behind himself. Rehearsal had finished a good hour ago, but after showering and changing, Koyama had gotten caught up in conversation with Ishida-san and his assistant. Not that he minded-he enjoyed talking to anyone about almost everything-but it had kept him there longer than he had intended to be.
He shook his wrist so that the face of his watch came into view and noted that it was already a bit past eleven. That meant it would be around midnight when he got home. Shit. Well, at least he had remembered to tell his mother to feed Nyanta for him.
Koyama entered the dressing room, not expecting anyone else to still be around, but was surprised to find YamaPi. The younger idol was seated in the far corner of the room at a makeup table. One hand propped up his bowed head while the other kept his cell phone pressed firmly against his ear. Koyama deduced that it must have been a very important call as YamaPi did not even notice his presence, shuffling around on the opposite side of the room as he packed his things to leave.
"...okay...okay...yes, that's right. Alright. Well, we can talk about this more tomorrow right? ...okay. It's late now, so I'll see you tomorrow." YamaPi flipped his phone shut, letting out a deep, burdensome sigh. He slumped back into his chair, throwing his bare arm over his eyes. For a long moment, he stayed like that-quietly contemplating all that threatened to spill out of his head-until the zipper on Koyama's bag cut through it all like a clean knife.
Immediately, YamaPi started, sitting up and spinning around to look at Koyama. "You scared me! I didn't think anyone else was here still!"
"Neither did I," Koyama echoed, with a sheepish smile as he lifted his large bag off the sofa and swung it onto his arm. "I didn't want to disturb you," he motioned to the cell phone still in YamaPi's hand, "so I didn't say anything. Sorry."
YamaPi gave him a tired smile, waving the apology off. "Don't worry about it." He leaned down to tuck his cell phone into one of the side pockets on his duffel bag.
"Are you going home now?"
"Yeah; I was going to catch a taxi."
"Why don't you come with me?" Koyama offered. "I drove in today."
"You drove in today?" YamaPi stood up and slung the duffel bag strap over his shoulder. "That's unusual."
Koyama nodded with a small grin. "I know. But it's because I haven't driven my car in a while that I felt like driving today. Anyway, come on, I'll give you a lift."
YamaPi hesitated to give a reply as he crossed the room, both of them heading toward the door. "I don't know. I've driven with you before and well, there was that one time you almost hit that car..."
Stepping out into the corridor, Koyama glanced back at YamaPi and rolled his eyes at him. "That only happened once! And it was two years ago! Not like you haven't had your own share of near-accidents, YamaPi."
"Yeah, but I'm Yamashita Tomohisa," the dark-haired idol declared, "so it doesn't matter."
"Oh that's it!" Koyama shoved YamaPi playfully, just enough for the other to take a slight misstep. "Now you have to ride with me!"
*~*~*
"How has your first week on Kurosagi shaped up?"
YamaPi tossed his duffel bag into the back of Koyama's car and settled into the passenger seat. The majority of their conversation on the way down to the parking lot had been concerned with the upcoming concert tour-chatter about what silly stories would be best to talk about during MC segments-so it was only natural that the topic would turn to the other workplace that they soon would share. "Satisfying, but hard. But that's what being a lead actor is about, right?"
The quiet, forced laugh that seemed to punctuate his supposedly rhetorical question was not lost on Koyama. YamaPi was a great actor, but he sometimes (in real life, not in front of the camera) fell short; now was one of those times. "Aren't a lot of things like that though?" Koyama remarked, turning out of the parking space and heading toward the exit. "As idols, everything we do is like that."
"Too true."
Koyama pulled up to the exit gate and waved at the watchman on duty. Recognizing the two idols in the car right away, he quickly raised the black-and-white gate with a gentle bow of his head in their direction.
An awkward silence fell over the two, the lights and sights of the city passing them as they drove through the wide streets of central Tokyo. The awkwardness was not from any sense of discomfort they had with one another, but stemmed so much more from the things that they were purposefully leaving unsaid. It was not an elephant in the car with them; it was a whale.
"Things are really busy then?"
"Huh?" YamaPi's eyes turned onto Koyama, who was still faced forward, waiting for the stoplight to turn green at an intersection.
"That call earlier," Koyama paused, just as the red switched to green allowing him to make a right turn, "It seemed pretty intense."
YamaPi did not need to think about which call Koyama was referencing. "Not really," he dismissed, leaning his arm against the sill of the closed car window. "I just have a meeting with Johnny-san tomorrow before rehearsal."
Meetings with Johnny-san were rare. Koyama usually only met with him four or five times a year, and those meetings were always as part of NEWS. YamaPi met with him a little more than he did as the more popular idol (Koyama held no jealousy toward the other; it was simply a fact of life), but even then that was not all that often. And of course, they both remembered the last time they had entered that large, overwhelming office not even two months ago. "Is it about NEWS?" Koyama dared to ask after moment of pondering; if he did not ask, he would probably spend the entire night sleepless, dying of curiosity and worry.
"No. It's about me."
"It's not something bad, is it?"
"I'm singing the theme song for Kurosagi."
"You, as in...."
"Yamashita Tomohisa. They want me to go solo."
"That's a good thing, isn't it?" Koyama cheered exuberantly as he made a left turn onto a narrow, well-lit street. "Oh, and tell me when to stop; I don't remember which apartment building it is."
"Here; this one on the left." YamaPi tapped on his window, pointing out the five-story structure. The main walkway was lined with lights leading up to the sliding glass doors of the main lobby and there was a small well-manicured garden that bordered the front of the building.
Koyama stopped the car right at the beginning of the walkway, pulling up on the hand brake. YamaPi reached into the backseat for his duffel bag and Koyama helped him maneuver it out. "Thanks, Koyama."
"Not a problem." Koyama smiled up at YamaPi, who was now out of the car, leaning down to peer through the open car door. "I'll see you tomorrow, and good luck!"
"Tomorrow," YamaPi echoed with a nod. "And thanks again."
*~*~*
"Daite Senorita" was the name of the song.
From what he had heard of it from the demo tape, it had an almost-dated, eighties' sound that was cheesy, but at the same time insanely catchy. The lyrics were a bit...off if anything else-it took a bit of unconventional thinking to figure out how the song's image fit with the drama's-but Johnny-san assured YamaPi that it would be a surefire hit.
"With your first leading drama role, it's the perfect time for you to go solo. The fans will want to support you completely as you venture out on your own; you'll sell, Yamashita."
Selling was important. Selling was how idols understood their standing. Which idol sold the most pictures, which member's uchiwa sold out first, which group's CDs sold the highest amount of copies in their debut week-as an idol, all these things were supposed to matter. And yet, in that meeting, all YamaPi wanted to say was, "I don't care."
Over his own solo debut, YamaPi would happily take the revocation of NEWS's hiatus.
The members took the announcement of his solo debut better than YamaPi had himself. They were enthusiastic, supportive, and genuinely excited for him. YamaPi even played the demo tape for them and they all claimed the song totally perfect for him-a very cool, strong, and manly sound. Massu immediately started thinking up silly choreography, pumping his fist along with chorus. Ryo of course commented on the difficult connect between the song and the drama-"What does being a swindler have to do with some random chick holding on to you?"
He sort of wished that they were not so supportive. That they would get angry at him for going solo and leaving them behind. But he supposed they recognized that the situation was not like that. He was being told to go solo. There really was no choice involved.
YamaPi squatted down on the metal stairs of the fire escape, his open cell phone in one hand and in the other, a freshly lit cigarette. Unconsciously raising the Marlboro to his lips, he thumbed through his address book on the cell phone until he came across the name he was looking for under the group heading of "best friends". He hit the call button and "Akanishi Jin" flashed across the screen as the number was dialed.
It rang five times before redirecting to the automated female voice that was the cell phone's voicemail. Before she finished her spiel about leaving a message after the tone, YamaPi hung up and flipped back to his address book. "Should I call him at home...?"
"Fat Jin not picking up?" Ryo came up from behind him and snagged his cigarette.
Upon being startled, YamaPi quickly shut his cell phone and stuffed it into the pocket of his black hoodie. "I was going to tell him about the solo stuff." He turned around from his perch on the stairs to look up at Ryo leaning over the fire escape railing, the Marlboro now hanging from his thin fingers. "But he's probably busy."
"Of course he is. KAT-TUN's official debut is tomorrow," Ryo pointed out, gently releasing a trail of smoke from his pursed lips. "As if he's going to have time to take Yamashita Tomohisa's call."
YamaPi nodded in agreement. "What are you doing out here? Is break over yet?"
"It was over awhile ago, but Ishida-san decided to go through the solos again and is working with Tegoshi and Massu right now; you've still got some time."
"Shit. I seem to be losing track of time lately." YamaPi glanced at the face of his cell phone to see that fifteen minutes had already passed since they had taken their ten-minute break.
"Symptoms of aging?"
"You're older than me."
"I age with much more grace."
YamaPi leaned against the steps behind him and sighed. "I bet you do."
"Hey, Pi?"
"Hmm?"
"…are you okay?"
The younger idol dropped his head backwards slightly so that he was looking at Ryo upside down. "I'm fine."
Ryo shifted so that he was no longer leaning over the rail, but now faced the stairs on which YamaPi sat. "Seriously. This solo stuff, NEWS, the drama...you're managing it?"
YamaPi rose, brushing off the back of his track pants. Moving to stand next to Ryo, he took back his cigarette from the other and took a quiet drag off it. Moments later, he exhaled, allowing the smoke to swirl up into the dark of the evening. "The master of overloading himself with work is worrying about me?" YamaPi smiled, flashing a thumbs-up sign. "Really. I'm okay."
"Don't push yourself."
"I'm not." But even as he said those words, YamaPi was pushing himself.
*~*~*
date: 24/03/06 22:31
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
Hey~ Long time, no see~ (⌒~⌒v)
Sorry! You called, but I didn't answer!
You know how it is! I've been soooo busy!
You have too, right?
I heard about your solo debut! That's so awesome!
I'm jealous~ :D
Good luck! I'm sure it'll be awesome.
When we're both free some time, we need to go eat!
Who knows when that will be though?!
*~*~*
"Let's take a picture!" Tegoshi cried out as they passed through the bullet train wickets and into the waiting terminal at Nagoya Station.
"Are you kidding?" Ryo adjusted the overnight bag on his shoulder while he stared at Tegoshi like he’d grown a third eye. "My train is going to be here in five minutes!"
"Ryo-tan~! Please?" The youngest NEWS member gave a soft pout, and pressed his palms together before his face. Massu and Koyama joined as well, if only for the sake of a unified front.
"There's no point in resisting, Boss," Shige advised with a slight smirk. "They'll win."
Ryo stared at the three begging figures for a moment before shrugging with a sigh. "Just be fast about it!"
"Yamashita-kun!" Tegoshi cried out with little restraint. After all, it was a late Sunday evening and there were maybe thirty people at most in the terminal, all older businessmen. "Hurry! Come here!"
YamaPi walked away from his manager, with whom he had been discussing his schedule for the upcoming week, and joined the others. "What?"
Koyama motioned YamaPi closer with a waving of his hand. "Let's take a picture!"
The six idols squished together as tightly as they could-YamaPi on one side and Tegoshi on the other, holding out his digital camera as far as he could in front of them. Why they did not ask someone to take the picture for them, YamaPi was not quite sure, but it did not matter because Ryo was in a hurry and had no time to waste.
"If I miss my train, Tegoshi, I'll kill you."
"Okay! One. Two. THREE!" Tegoshi pressed the shutter button and proceeded to momentarily blind everyone (save for YamaPi, who was conveniently wearing his sunglasses) with the camera flash.
Once they regained their sight, Ryo stepped away from the clustered group, heading toward his platform which was few down from everyone else's; he had filming for Honjani tomorrow with Kanjani8, so he was headed back to Osaka now that NEWS's first set of concert performances were over. "So, I'll see you guys!" he bade with a short wave.
Various calls of goodbye followed after him as he walked alone toward the other side of the terminal, eventually ascending the escalator for Platform 5 just as his nozomi bullet train headed for Shin-Osaka station pulled in.
The five remaining members followed suit, ascending the nearby escalator for Platform 1, their managers trailing behind. Once they found the appropriate place where their particular car would stop along the platform, they set their things down on the ground and simply waited the fifteen minutes it would take for their train to arrive.
"Ooh! It came out well!" Tegoshi awed over the picture he had just taken, previewing it. "The perfect souvenir from Nagoya!"
"Oh crap!" Shige winced as the mention of souvenirs caused him to remember something he had forgotten. "I forgot to get Uiro for my mom!"
Koyama arched his eyebrow, munching on some strawberry Pocky that he had bought on the way into the station. "You just remembered that?"
"Do you think there might be a stall in the station still selling it?!"
YamaPi glanced at the large digital clock displayed above the bullet train's timetable hanging from the roofing over the platform. "It's almost ten on a Sunday night." He did not want to say it was hopeless, but it probably was.
"I have three boxes, Shige." Massu lifted his brightly-colored paper bag that contained the popular Nagoya sweet. "I can just give you one."
"Really?" Shige's eyes lit up and he sighed in relief, making his way over to Massu's side. "Massu, you totally saved me! My mom would've been so upset if I didn't come home with Uiro; she loves it!"
With Shige joining Massu and Tegoshi as they happily gossiped about their favorite specialty foods from Nagoya, Koyama and YamaPi were left sitting alone on some of the waiting chairs on the platform.
"Today's concerts were fun," Koyama started conversationally, pointing his open box of Pocky in YamaPi's direction as to offer him some.
"I put that in my J-web," the dark-haired idol commented, snagging two sticks of Pocky and carefully nibbling away at strawberry coating.
"Oh really? I'll check it tomorrow."
"You actually check my J-web?"
"Yeah. Why not? I usually check anything written by a member." Koyama stated all this like an obvious fact of life, even though it was anything but to YamaPi. He gave a slightly sheepish smile. "It's member love."
"Member love..." Again, YamaPi found himself mulling over the phrase and what it meant. "You like NEWS, don't you, Koyama?"
Koyama was taken aback by the blunt question. It was not only the way it had been asked though-as if YamaPi was sincerely unsure of the answer-but the timing as well. They had spent an entire day together, preparing for and then performing two concerts in a row. During songs they had thrown arms around each other and sang with giddy smiles. Water bottles were shared without the least bit of reserve during breaks. They would affectionately make fun of each other during the MCs. Yes, Koyama did recognize, some of their actions were exaggerated for the sake of the fans who had come to see their happy idols on stage, but he did not think that the images they created were all that far from the truth. "I do," he eventually answered after some hesitation. Not because he did not know his own response to the question as much as he did not know what response YamaPi was expecting. "Of course, I do."
"I do too," NEWS's leader immediately returned, looking over to where Massu, Tegoshi, and Shige had begun to kill time with a vicious game of paper, rocks, scissors where the loser was hit hard on the hand by the winner. Currently, Shige was gingerly rubbing the top of his hand where Massu had gotten him especially good. "To the point where I don't think I want to be anyone other than NEWS's Yamashita Tomohisa."
As he said his final words, the stationmaster came over the platform's PA system, announcing that the last nozomi train headed for Tokyo was arriving. YamaPi picked up his overnight bag and stood up, casually walking over to the designated area where the doors for their train car were supposed to open, acting as if he had said nothing of great importance.
Koyama thought otherwise.
*~*~*
"Hello!"
It was Tuesday afternoon and Koyama was wandering the corridors of TBS studios. There were only three days before he was to crank in on Kurosagi, so he had been called to the set to report for a costume fitting for his character. To say he was excited was an understatement.
Koyama was so excited that he had gotten himself turned around in the familiar studio and had had to backtrack, taking the long route to get to the soundstage for the drama.
But maybe it was not just the anticipation that was getting to him, the idol realized as he greeted everyone he met in the halls with a bright and shiny, "Hello!" Just a split second before he would greet the person with whom he was crossing paths, Koyama would make a mental note that that person was not YamaPi-as though he was specifically seeking out YamaPi. And perhaps-by hoping that he coincidentally would run into the other NEWS member-he was.
What YamaPi said the other night on the bullet train platform in Nagoya had stuck with Koyama. Initially, he had wanted to pursue the conversation further, but when Shige insisted that they sit together so that the two of them could play video games and YamaPi settled himself next to Tegoshi (everyone avoided Massu on night trains because he snored in his sleep), Koyama decided to let it go.
However, two days later and the younger man's words were still hanging out in the back of his mind, like a spoiled child tugging on his mother's sleeve until she gave him her full attention.
"...I don't think I want to be anyone other than NEWS's Yamashita Tomohisa."
When he first heard those words, Koyama's thoughts immediately went to YamaPi's solo project as Yamashita Tomohisa. Was he against his own debut that much? And why? Of all the people Koyama could think of, YamaPi was the one who deserved to go solo the most! Yes, NEWS was going on hiatus, but that was not his fault. If anything, YamaPi was the sole reason that NEWS was still intact-publicly apologizing for their mistakes, cheering them all up when things seemed grim, thinking of NEWS above all else. He was their leader. Even better, he was their pirate captain.
"oiratachi wa maru de sayaendou," Koyama murmured the "Sayaendou" lyrics to himself with a slight grin.
He finally arrived at the right soundstage, a large, obvious sign on the closed door declaring it to be "Kurosagi Set #1". The red light above the door was not currently lit, so Koyama freely entered the soundstage knowing that he was not interrupting during filming.
Noting the busy atmosphere as various members of the drama's staff scurried about, Koyama thought he might be in luck. Maybe YamaPi was filming on the stage today. He might be able to catch him between takes and talk to him. Find out what was up, because something was definitely up. Only if YamaPi was willing to share though; and so far, it seemed that he was not.
"Koyama-san?"
A middle-aged woman approached him from the opposite side of the soundstage. "Yes. I am Koyama," he replied, removing his dark sunglasses so that his face could be seen better. "Are you Morii-san?"
"Yes. I'm Morii, in charge of costume design." She returned his introduction with a polite bow. "It's nice to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too."
"Here." She motioned to him with her hand and began heading toward the doors through which Koyama had just come a few minutes ago. "Why don't you follow me and I'll take you back to wardrobe to show you what we've picked out so far for Tanabe's clothing."
"Sure," Koyama agreed, casting a long glance back at the set that was being prepared. He followed her, but with hesitance because he really did not want to miss a chance of running into YamaPi. "Um... Morii-san, do you know if Yamashita-kun is filming today?"
"Yamashita-san?" Morii repeated as she pushed the door open, back out into the hallway. "There is some night location shooting going on tonight out in Bunkyo-ku so I don't think he's in studio today."
"Oh." Koyama figured he could wait another day to speak with YamaPi.
But he really did not want to.
*~*~*
April 2006
"OKAY! Cut!"
The director's decisive call ended the last shot of the scene, effectively finishing off the first day of filming on Kurosagi for Koyama.
They had spent all morning shooting the three studio scenes that he had with Ozawa Maju-who was playing his character's sister-on the Tanabe apartment set. It had been a good first day of shooting as far as Koyama was concerned - no real big NGs on his part except slipping once when he went to kneel in front of the family shrine, which was really quite harmless. It was his first time working with Ozawa-san so it was a little awkward at first, but as soon as they had gotten the formalities out of the way and started working, they interacted with much more ease. It turned out she was a chatty person herself, so the down time in between takes passed quickly with enjoyable conversations.
Stepping off the carpeted set and onto the cement floor, Koyama bowed in the general direction of the busy film crew. "otsukaresama deshita!"
Various cries from around the set returned his farewell as Koyama dashed for the studio doors to get back to his temporary dressing room. "Do you have work after this?" Ozawa-san called after him, noting the idol's hurry.
Koyama turned around to face Ozawa while he pushed open the door behind him with his back. "Yes; actually, I'm in a little bit of a hurry, so..."
Ozawa smiled politely and waved him off. "I understand. otsukaresama deshita."
"otsukaresama deshita."
Upon discovering that his watch read a quarter 'til two, Koyama frowned slightly, cursing quietly to himself. He only had fifteen minutes until the car would arrive to pick him up to take him to the K-chan NEWS recording session. If he rushed, he would be able to make it on time, but he would have preferred not to have to. Oh well, there was no use complaining. At least, being busy meant he had work. And having work meant that he was-
"Oi! Koyama!"
"Eh?" Koyama snapped his head around in the direction of the voice and saw YamaPi lightly jogging to catch up with him in the corridor. From what he could tell, the younger man had emerged from one of the doors that Koyama had passed while he had been absorbed in his thoughts. "Oh, YamaPi! Hey!"
The urgency with which Koyama had been preoccupied with completely vanished the moment he spotted his fellow band-mate. "You just get here?" Somehow, he was pretty sure the normal YamaPi wear of a yellow screen-print t-shirt with the random English phrase of "yeah rock kitty", a black leather jacket, designer frayed jeans, and sandals did not actually originate from the Kurosagi wardrobe.
"Yeah. I drove in with Sawada-san." YamaPi had reached Koyama by now and was standing with him off to the side of the corridor. "Isn't he supposed to be taking you somewhere?"
"I have a recording for my radio show, some interviews for Popolo and Myojo, and then to the station to catch the train with the others to Fukuoka for this weekend's concerts." Koyama could not help but sigh after detailing his schedule for the rest of the day. "Oh. I have to drop by Meiji before the station because I need to get the new spring semester schedule too."
"You have classes even though you're a fourth-year?" As Koyama began to walk again in the general direction of his dressing room, YamaPi fell into step beside him.
"Yeah. I already have a thesis advisor, but I need to take a few seminar courses before I can start that." As they turned a corner, Koyama found himself chuckling at their conversation. "It never fails to amuse me when one minute we'll be talking about being pop idols and the next minute, we end up sounding like normal college students. Talk about a double life."
"Ever since I started doing Kurosagi, I realized that we're not all that different from swindlers ourselves." YamaPi shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket while he waited for Koyama to open the door to the dressing room they had stopped in front of.
"Eh? Really?" Koyama glanced back at YamaPi as he twisted the knob and stepped into the small, well-lit room, motioning for YamaPi to follow him. "How so?"
YamaPi mumbled a soft, "Excuse me," as he entered the dressing room, shutting the door behind himself. Koyama immediately started stripping out of the grey sweats and black polo shirt he had been wearing for the shooting as the other continued his explanation. "We both make our livings off our images. Without them, we're nothing." Suddenly, a bitterness of which YamaPi himself was not completely aware had seeped into his voice. He dug his hands deeper into his pockets, as though searching for a misplaced object he was doomed to never find. "So we have to keep refining ourselves and our images in order to get by, even when we don't want to. It's not like we can just up and stop either though."
Koyama had stopped halfway through the process of slipping his belt through his jeans' belt loopholes and was now staring at YamaPi, who in turn had his gaze focused on the fake tatami flooring beneath his feet. It was like Nagoya all over again. An innocent line of conversation suddenly evoked an honestly raw and unfiltered response from YamaPi that caught Koyama completely off-guard. What do you say after that?
Nothing apparently because after a long, very awkward silence, YamaPi simply left the room without a word, leaving Koyama to finish dressing. However, as soon as Koyama had managed to get his shirt over his head, he dashed over to the door and yanked it open, looking down the hallway to see if he could catch YamaPi. Unfortunately, the only people he found were random staff who peered at the idol curiously.
Suddenly, the rest of the day and its bevy of tasks did not seem so important anymore.
~*~*~
YamaPi's lips parted in a wide yawn as he unlocked the door of the Fukuoka hotel room he was sharing with Ryo and stumbled inside with his small overnight bag. Moving into the room, he found Ryo perched on the twin bed closest to the window, the one his friend usually claimed.
Ryo glanced up at YamaPi from what he had been writing, removing his left headphone earpiece so that he could listen to the B'z and talk at the same time. "Yo."
"Yo." YamaPi threw his bag onto the bed next to the large closet that neither of them would use, and struggled to resist the urge to throw his tired body atop the mattress as well. Instead, he settled himself on the edge of the bed and removed his shoes. "When did you get here?"
"Four hours ago. In time for dinner at least," Ryo answered, scrawling a few more characters before shutting his thin notebook. "Shooting all day?"
YamaPi shed his jacket, tossed it onto a chair opposite his bed, and stretched his hands above his head. "Just the morning." He yawned once more, having failed to bite it back. "This afternoon I was recording for 'Daite Senorita'. You?"
"Morning shooting at Haneda; they can only get us into the hangars on Saturdays apparently. Bit of a pain in the ass."
YamaPi cracked a small grin as he went digging through his bag. "Complaining about work, are we?"
"Not complaining, simply stating a fact; it overlaps with run-through rehearsals." Noting that YamaPi was now holding his bottle of shampoo, Ryo added, "There are fresh towels in the ofuro. And there's no one using it other than us this weekend."
"Perfect. I need a long soak after today." Having grabbed a change of clothing from his bag as well, YamaPi rose from the bed and shuffled toward the doorway. "Are you going to sleep soon?"
Both men's eyes went to the digital alarm clock sitting on the night stand separating their beds. Midnight was on the approach. "Probably; the last thing I need is to feel like shit for two concerts in a row while being a dork with the rest of you guys."
YamaPi shook his head, his long bangs momentarily falling into his tired eyes. "You do realize that the fact that you join us makes you no better, right?"
"I do it for the money," Ryo declared, leaning back against his bed's headboard and propping his hands behind his head. "I don't think you can say the same."
"You are so full of shit." YamaPi rolled his eyes, sliding his bare feet into the courtesy hotel slippers next to the door. "Anyway, I'm taking my key with me, so go ahead and lock the door when you go to sleep."
*~*~*
Relaxing his head back against the edge of the ofuro as the gentle water vibrations massaged his tired muscles, YamaPi fondly recalled why he loved performing in Fukuoka: getting to use this ofuro.
Whenever they were in Fukuoka, they always stayed at this particular hotel. There was a VIP ofuro explicitly for their private usage because rightly enough, the hotel recognized that it was not exactly good business practice to have their VIP guests being gawked at by other guests while they were bathing; YamaPi thought it a good marketing tactic too. In most of their other lodgings on tour, there was usually a fancy, spacious ofuro for all guests to use and that was not so terrible. When people noticed them bathing, the majority respected their privacy (save for the random, bold child every now and then who got a kick out of comparing himself to a pop idol). However, YamaPi still preferred the small, quaint, private ofuro of this hotel hands down.
In a way, the ofuro was a sacred place for him. Ideally, it was a place of solitude-a place where he could let the scorching hot water wash over him and strip away the excess of the day, leaving him bare. No costumes, no makeup, no pretenses, just him and him alone left to contemplate those things which he had no other time to. It was different from an onsen where one goes with friends to relax and have fun. Its smallness was its charm-there was no room for anyone else to get in the way.
The other members understood that about him. For YamaPi, showers were a part of work. The ofuro was his time. They accepted that, and as fellow idols who understood the need for personal time, gave it to him.
Which was why when YamaPi heard the smooth rolling of the sliding door's wheels and glimpsed Koyama entering through his half-lidded eyes, he was slightly surprised. Of all people, Koyama definitely was the last person YamaPi expected to fail to notice him as he padded barefoot across the tiled floor over to the washing area.
As Koyama set about to cleaning himself, YamaPi allowed his eyes to slip shut and tried to let his mind wander. Though, when the sound of running water filled the otherwise silent room, he found himself becoming more and more aware of Koyama's presence-to the point where his thoughts immediately settled on something he would much rather forget: their conversation yesterday.
YamaPi did not understand it. His attitude toward Koyama recently, that was. It was as if the older man unwittingly had become his confessor. Every time they ended up alone, he felt the need to voice things that should not be said; at least not to a fellow band-mate, not as far he was concerned. He was their leader; he was supposed to lead them out of their worries, not add to them with his own stupid ones.
After he had attempted to call Jin two weeks ago, he did not dare try again. He could not rely on Jin to be there at all time as his sounding board. It certainly was not because Jin did not want to be; it was the total opposite. He knew if he went to Jin, Jin would be the best friend that YamaPi had always looked to, but the idol Jin would suffer for it. And YamaPi did not think that idol Jin could afford to take a hit right now, not with KAT-TUN having finally debuted.
With Toma, he always felt incredibly self-conscious talking about NEWS. Of all people, despite the bitterness he had held when YamaPi was made to debut with NEWS and leave the rest of the 4Tops behind, Toma was quite rational when it came listening to the worries of his friend. This time around however, YamaPi imagined that Toma might not want to hear what the other had to say. And so when they had gone out to dinner earlier that week, all he had mentioned was how excited he was to be going solo.
Except he was not.
And no one else knew better than Koyama.
YamaPi cracked the lid of his right eye open ever-so-slightly to catch a glimpse of Koyama washing the remnants of shampoo out of his hair-his head tilted back, water pouring out of the detachable shower head onto his copper-colored hair and overflowing onto the tiled floor. The other idol still appeared to be completely unaware of YamaPi's presence in the ofuro behind him.
It was only moments later, when Koyama stood up and turned around to move to enter the ofuro himself that he let out a startled gasp when he recognized YamaPi's figure submerged in the scalding, yet soothing water. "Eh! YamaPi?"
"I was wondering when you'd notice."
"You've been here the entire time?!"
"Uh-huh."
"Why didn't you say anything?!"
"Why didn't you notice?"
A silence that seemed to be becoming a common occurrence between the two of them when their conversation reached its limit set in once more. Standing just a few steps away from the ofuro, Koyama gazed at the dark-haired man with a mixture of worry and confusion in his eyes. His brow was ever-so slightly furrowed, an unusual expression for the normally positive idol. How many times had Koyama worn that face this week because of him? YamaPi did not have any idea, but seeing the way Koyama's face looked in that very moment was already too much for YamaPi.
"You worry too much."
Koyama blinked at YamaPi's abrupt words. "Eh?"
"You worry too much. About everyone."
"Sorry about that," he apologized with a defeated voice. Koyama figured this was YamaPi's way of telling him to shove off and to not pry into his business, and in being so rebuked, began to shuffle toward the door to leave the other to finish his time in the ofuro.
"Where are you going?"
The sensitive curiosity in YamaPi's voice caught Koyama off-guard once more and he stopped, already sliding the glass door halfway open; he could glimpse his folded clothes peeking out from a basket in the adjacent changing room. "Back to my room," he answered with his back to other, frozen in mid-flight.
"But you didn't even get in the water."
"It's already late; I should get around to sleeping for tomorrow."
"Wouldn't you sleep better after you spent some time in the ofuro?"
Koyama turned and pointedly looked at YamaPi for a good, long moment. YamaPi found and held his gaze, their dark brown eyes meeting in an exchange. Everyone knew that the ofuro equaled alone-time for the most popular NEWS member. Yet, here was YamaPi, insisting that he stay and join him. His eyes even seemed to implore Koyama doggedly, just as determined and set as they had been the first time they officially met.
Finally, Koyama bowed his head, tearing his gaze from YamaPi's. "I really should-"
"I'm sorry." YamaPi's abrupt apology cut the other off, again keeping him from leaving. "About yesterday. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly."
The one thing that had been constantly on Koyama's mind since its strange occurrence the day before had been the last thing he expected YamaPi to mention. He slid the glass door shut once more and took a few steps toward the ofuro so that he was now standing on the edge, but still not entering. "It's okay."
"Is it really?" YamaPi returned with a question, not necessarily needing an answer as he already had his own formed, but still inviting a response from Koyama.
The dark-haired man watched his fellow band-mate as he lowered himself into the ofuro, sighing as his body submerged beneath the hot bathing water. Once he had settled himself comfortably, Koyama replied. "It is."
In that simple confirmation, it was understood that the two of them were no longer talking about just yesterday's incident.
Koyama looked expectantly toward YamaPi from across the small ofuro, waiting for him to continue the conversation. As good a talker as he was, he was just as good of a listener, if not better. And all he wanted to do right then was to listen, if YamaPi would finally let him.
YamaPi gently released the breath he unconsciously had been holding in, allowing a wave of calm to sweep through him. "When you were a Junior, did you ever think that we'd be in a situation like this?"
"In an ofuro together?"
The smallest of smirks broke across YamaPi's otherwise solemn features at Koyama's literal rendering of his inquiry. "No. I mean, debuted."
"I dreamt about it, sure," Koyama acknowledged, remembering those first few years in Johnny's that he had spent as a Junior. "I never really thought anything would come of it though. My voice wasn't all that great, I wasn't a skilled dancer, my eyes were small. All I have ever had was MC skills, and even those didn't get developed 'til later. So being able to debut as NEWS was completely surreal-a dream come true."
"Debuting with NEWS and being forced to be leader was a nightmare for me," YamaPi confessed heavily, examining the slightly pruned tips of his fingers-anything to not see Koyama's reaction. "I hardly knew any of you. Ryo and I were close and through Ryo, I knew Uchi. You and I had talked just a handful of times at that point. And after that, I didn't know or care who the other members were really.
"At first, when we were just a temporary unit for the volleyball championships, I was sort of okay with that. It was only a month after all, and then everything would go back to normal; I would be back with Toma, HaseJun and Kazama. So when it was decided that we'd all debut as NEWS because of the group's popularity, I was horrified. I had spent seven years as a Junior with the same people only to debut without any of them."
"You hated us." Koyama's voice did not indicate any hurt feelings at the revelation. He was simply stating that to which YamaPi was alluding.
"I hated NEWS." YamaPi lifted his eyes to look across the ofuro at Koyama. "But I didn't individually hate any of you-debuting as NEWS was something none of us really chose, even if you all were much more excited about it than I was. I mean, I didn't even know any of you well enough to hate you. But the idea of NEWS-of becoming the leader of a group that I hardly knew or gave a shit about-that I hated."
Koyama's arm rested on the rim of the ofuro, his fingers absently tracing along the cracks between the moist tiles. YamaPi continued to look directly at him and he steadfastly held his gaze, waiting for the leader to carry on.
"It took a lot of time, but eventually I got over it. The hate, that is. Especially after Uchi's scandal." YamaPi's brow furrowed as he recalled that time when he had truly taken a stand on the group's behalf for the first time. "I started to really enjoy just being a part of NEWS and realize just how good I had it. Yeah, it wasn't what I originally had wanted, but it still worked." An uneasy, embarrassed smile touched his lips as he looked once again at his hands, floating just beneath the water's surface. "It took me almost two years, but I finally stopped being a brat and started acting like a leader."
Koyama slightly rose from his seat in the ofuro, moving as if he was going to physically stop YamaPi from berating himself. "You were never a brat..."
YamaPi did not hear the other's words however, as he continued on, words spilling from his lips. At first this all had been for Koyama’s benefit-a justification of his recently strange actions. However, as the conversation pushed forward, it became less about convincing Koyama and more about satisfying himself. YamaPi was not ready to admit to that part just yet, though.
"Just as I was starting to get my act together, everything was slipping away. Uchi, Kusano, the hiatus..." He examined his now fisted hands. "I don't want to be Yamashita Tomohisa. I want to be NEWS."
Following YamaPi's ardent declaration, there was another long silence. This one was not uncomfortable and awkward as the ones before it however. It was an easy silence-one that could be when two people reached an understanding.
"I want to be NEWS too."
Upon hearing Koyama's simple words, YamaPi found himself smiling softly in reply.
~*~*~*~
part one glossary
+ ofuro = bath
+ onsen = public hot spring
continue -->
author: nihongofrancais
genre: RPS, NEWS
pairing: Koyama/YamaPi
rating: overall PG-13
words: just under 39,000 words
disclaimer: the boys believe they own themselves; really Johnny owns 'em all. *snicker*
summary: Often, we find we don't realize what we have until it's gone. YamaPi struggles to cope in the aftermath of the announcement of NEWS's hiatus.
author's note: a labor of love in the name of my OTP KoyamaPi, originally inspired by YamaPi's February 2007 appearance on Shounen Club Premium and written over the span of one year from March 2007 through March 2008. Thanks to anamuan for betaing the majority of this monster and tinyangl, 4_03_am and jadedfrenzy for being my test readers. There is love for each and every one of you. ♥
part zero | part one | part two | part three | part four | coda |
March 2006
The running figures of Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio filled the television screen and YamaPi was absolutely enthralled in the world of Catch Me If You Can. Was Frank going to get caught? He couldn't be caught! He was too good!
Just when it looked like there was no way out for Frank, the chorus of "TEPPEN" came blasting out of his cell phone, startling him. YamaPi quickly paused the DVD, picking up the cell phone from where it laid on the coffee table in front of him. "Hello?"
"It's me."
"Oh. Yo."
"Yo. What are you doing?"
"Nothing much. Just watching a movie."
"Oh? What movie?"
"Catch Me If You Can. I thought I could get a few tips on how to play a swindler." YamaPi chuckled mostly to himself as he stretched out his legs on the sofa where he was seated. "It's a pretty good movie so far."
"Hmm, maybe I should watch it if I'm going to be playing a swindler too."
"Eh?!" Mere moments after he had comfortably settled himself, YamaPi found himself nearly jumping off the sofa in surprise. "Since when are you playing a swindler, Koyama?"
Koyama's amused laughter rang in YamaPi's ear. "You nearly fell over, didn't you?"
YamaPi rolled his eyes at the other's ability to judge the level of his reaction despite not seeing him in person. "Just explain already!"
"I would've thought you'd heard already," Koyama mused before launching into his announcement. "I'm guest starring in the second episode of Kurosagi!"
"Seriously?!" YamaPi was sitting on the end of the sofa cushions now, feet firmly planted on the carpeted floor. "Awesome! So who are you playing?"
"I haven't received the script or anything, but I'm playing Kurosaki's high school friend, Tanabe Satoshi. I get to be a marriage swindler, stealing the money of those stupid enough to fall for me."
The dark-haired idol noted the mysterious lilt that took over Koyama's voice as he said "marriage swindler" and grinned. "You're totally hyped for this, aren't you?"
"Of course I am! It's something new. I get to cheat people!" Koyama returned and YamaPi had an image of him pumping his fist into the air on the other side of the line, what with all the excitement he could hear in the other. "But really, I'm excited for us to be working together on a drama for the first time; it's going to be so much fun! Member love!"
"That it is," YamaPi agreed with a soft smile. He leaned back, letting his arm hang over the side of the sofa. "So, when do you crank in?"
He could hear the turning pages of what he assumed to be Koyama's meticulously well-kept planner. "Ah, here it is. I start on April 1st, after the first concert performances."
"Oh, okay. I'll look forward to it then."
"Well, I've got go to a party some Meiji friends are throwing for our senpai graduating this year, so I'll talk to you later!"
YamaPi unconsciously nodded his head even though Koyama could not see it. "Later!" He tried to match the exuberance in the other's voice, and did a somewhat decent job of it, despite his mood having fallen somewhat. As soon as he heard the click that told him Koyama had hung up, he shut his own cell phone as well, tossing it aside.
"Member love, huh?" YamaPi sighed quietly, lolling his head backwards. Absently, he hit play on the DVD player, allowing Catch Me If You Can to continue. Even as the shouts of the conclusion of the chase sequence swept over him, he found his enthusiasm for the movie had been lost; his attention clearly elsewhere.
*~*~*
YamaPi lumbered into the dressing room, hands full of plastic bags filled with snacks and drinks and his stuffed duffel bag slung across his chest, smacking against the back of his legs every time he took a step forward. He was not at all surprised to be greeted by the emptiness; the strains of "Sayendou" that he could hear coming from the studio next door told him that rehearsals already had started up in earnest.
He hefted the heavy bags onto the large table in the middle of the room, and then tossed his duffel bag into a corner. He had already changed into his t-shirt and windbreakers when he was changing out of costume after finishing Kurosagi for the day; shooting at the train station had taken longer than scheduled and he had known he was going to be late. YamaPi took a short moment to roll the sleeves on his shirt up to his shoulders, and then made for the door, hoping not to lose any more precious rehearsal time. After all, the start of the spring concert tour was less than a week away and NEWS had to be at their absolute best.
Just as he was making for the door however, the other NEWS members came streaming into the dressing room. "Oi! Pi! You're late!" Ryo scolded, being the first one through the door. Various normal greetings followed from everyone else.
"Sorry for being late; shooting ran over," YamaPi apologized. He motioned over to the food-filled bags that Massu and Shige had started exploring already. "I brought snacks to make up for it."
"Pudding~!" Massu ran off to a corner, hugging his newfound snack to his chest.
Koyama's ears perked at the cry of pudding and he wandered over to the table of snacks. "There is more than one pudding, right?"
The corners of YamaPi's mouth quirked slightly. How predictable were his band-mates when it came to pudding? Very. "There's at least one in there for everyone."
"Yes!" Koyama cheered, diving in to find his own pudding.
Shige almost guffawed when discovered what was in one of the smaller bags. "Nice, Yamashita-kun. Nice." He held up the large bag of Saya snow pea crisps for everyone to see.
Tegoshi grabbed himself a bottle of Pokari Sweat from amongst the drinks brought and then eyed the bag Shige showed off. "Ooh! I love Saya!"
"What?" YamaPi grabbed the green bag and opened it, eating a couple of the snow pea-flavored chips. "I thought it was appropriate with 'Sayaendou'! Besides, they're good!"
Ryo joined them at the center of the room, his cell phone to his ear as he checked his voicemail. "You would think that," he retorted, snagging a few of the aptly-named chips from over YamaPi's shoulder. "Such the brilliant leader you are, Pi."
YamaPi rolled his eyes good-naturedly at Ryo. "That I am!" he proclaimed, obviously with more bravado than needed and a big grin. He dug a few more pea chips out before setting the bag aside on the table. "How far have you gotten?" In turning his question toward the rehearsal, he effectively steered the subject away from his dorky food purchase.
"We did a run-through of all the group songs and after this, we're doing the solos." Tegoshi settled down on one of the chairs at the large table across from YamaPi, nibbling on some Men's Pocky. "Ishida-san got mad at Massu because he kept on messing up on the choreography for 'NEWS Nippon'." The youngest idol chuckled slightly as he recalled the image of their short-tempered choreographer.
"How could you get that wrong, Massu?" Ryo added, slipping his cell phone back into his bag after finally finishing with it. "It's only our oldest song. Has all that muscle power started draining your brain power?"
Massu appeared to be enjoying his pudding slowly, licking the spoon thoroughly, but there was something in the way he sat in his chair-sideways, with his legs drawn up to his chest and leaning against the wall-that said otherwise. "...it just seems awkward doing it as six."
No more words needed to be said for the full meaning of his words to be understood. They had done "NEWS Nippon" many times as six; they had done entire concerts with only six members. That was normal. But usually that meant that Ryo and Uchi were off working with Kanjani8-later, just becoming Ryo. Either way, six was never a permanent number for NEWS. And now it was. In a week's time, they would do an entire concert tour at the full power of six. Not nine, not eight, not seven, six.
Look how small they had become.
And after May, they would all but disappear.
YamaPi quickly noted the downward plunge in the collective mood of the group after Massu's honest comment and sought to remedy it; they would be no good to each other right now like this. But he was beaten to the punch when Shige spoke up from where he sat on top of the makeup tables in front the mirrors, tightly gripping his plastic water bottle.
"I talked to Kusano last night."
Five pairs of eyes were completely focused on Shige.
"He sounded pretty okay; he was talking about how his college entrance ceremony is next week. Wanted know how we were all doing. I told him we were good." Shige tried to sound nonchalant about the whole thing, but there was no way he could. Not with the way he constantly rolled the water bottle over and over again in his hands.
"He could've called us all and asked us himself," Tegoshi mumbled quietly, his mouth full of Pocky, barely coherent.
"It probably was hard enough for him to call Shige." Koyama stood up, tossing his empty pudding cup into the trash. He left the, "He blames himself for everything that's happened," unsaid. Instead, the oldest NEWS member glanced over at YamaPi, who seemed poised to say something; only their leader's words could fix the conversation that had gone from bad to worse.
"I know this is hard on everyone right now, but everything really will be fine; we'll get through all this and be the stronger for it. Everything will be alright!" His voice was overflowing with confidence and belief; if he believed, everyone had to believe as well. "We're like peas after all!"
Snatching the open bag of Saya crisps off the table, YamaPi started waving it in the air. "Bravo! Bravo! oiratachi wa maru de sayaendou! Bravo! Bravo! tomo ni wakachiatta namida!"
A collective groan followed by snickers as YamaPi sung the entire chorus of "Sayendou" acapella with the entire choreography. The poor bag of snow pea crisps was completely at YamaPi's whim, flailing every which way according to the dance moves Some actually flew out of the bag, pelting his band-mates with the snack food.
"Are you an idiot?!" Ryo cried at his friend from the sofa when he was hit smack in the cheek with a snow pea crisp. Despite his irritated tone, the surly idol was grinning widely as he ate the pea that had assaulted him. "And you've got it wrong! You're supposed to put your left foot out, not your right!"
"Really?" YamaPi looked down at his feet, and indeed he was favoring his right foot over his left. At that point, Koyama and Massu were outright laughing and Shige and Tegoshi were struggling to keep their laughter in check. "You're right!"
"Of course I am!"
~*~*~
"Good night!" Koyama excused himself as he left the rehearsal studio, shutting the door behind himself. Rehearsal had finished a good hour ago, but after showering and changing, Koyama had gotten caught up in conversation with Ishida-san and his assistant. Not that he minded-he enjoyed talking to anyone about almost everything-but it had kept him there longer than he had intended to be.
He shook his wrist so that the face of his watch came into view and noted that it was already a bit past eleven. That meant it would be around midnight when he got home. Shit. Well, at least he had remembered to tell his mother to feed Nyanta for him.
Koyama entered the dressing room, not expecting anyone else to still be around, but was surprised to find YamaPi. The younger idol was seated in the far corner of the room at a makeup table. One hand propped up his bowed head while the other kept his cell phone pressed firmly against his ear. Koyama deduced that it must have been a very important call as YamaPi did not even notice his presence, shuffling around on the opposite side of the room as he packed his things to leave.
"...okay...okay...yes, that's right. Alright. Well, we can talk about this more tomorrow right? ...okay. It's late now, so I'll see you tomorrow." YamaPi flipped his phone shut, letting out a deep, burdensome sigh. He slumped back into his chair, throwing his bare arm over his eyes. For a long moment, he stayed like that-quietly contemplating all that threatened to spill out of his head-until the zipper on Koyama's bag cut through it all like a clean knife.
Immediately, YamaPi started, sitting up and spinning around to look at Koyama. "You scared me! I didn't think anyone else was here still!"
"Neither did I," Koyama echoed, with a sheepish smile as he lifted his large bag off the sofa and swung it onto his arm. "I didn't want to disturb you," he motioned to the cell phone still in YamaPi's hand, "so I didn't say anything. Sorry."
YamaPi gave him a tired smile, waving the apology off. "Don't worry about it." He leaned down to tuck his cell phone into one of the side pockets on his duffel bag.
"Are you going home now?"
"Yeah; I was going to catch a taxi."
"Why don't you come with me?" Koyama offered. "I drove in today."
"You drove in today?" YamaPi stood up and slung the duffel bag strap over his shoulder. "That's unusual."
Koyama nodded with a small grin. "I know. But it's because I haven't driven my car in a while that I felt like driving today. Anyway, come on, I'll give you a lift."
YamaPi hesitated to give a reply as he crossed the room, both of them heading toward the door. "I don't know. I've driven with you before and well, there was that one time you almost hit that car..."
Stepping out into the corridor, Koyama glanced back at YamaPi and rolled his eyes at him. "That only happened once! And it was two years ago! Not like you haven't had your own share of near-accidents, YamaPi."
"Yeah, but I'm Yamashita Tomohisa," the dark-haired idol declared, "so it doesn't matter."
"Oh that's it!" Koyama shoved YamaPi playfully, just enough for the other to take a slight misstep. "Now you have to ride with me!"
*~*~*
"How has your first week on Kurosagi shaped up?"
YamaPi tossed his duffel bag into the back of Koyama's car and settled into the passenger seat. The majority of their conversation on the way down to the parking lot had been concerned with the upcoming concert tour-chatter about what silly stories would be best to talk about during MC segments-so it was only natural that the topic would turn to the other workplace that they soon would share. "Satisfying, but hard. But that's what being a lead actor is about, right?"
The quiet, forced laugh that seemed to punctuate his supposedly rhetorical question was not lost on Koyama. YamaPi was a great actor, but he sometimes (in real life, not in front of the camera) fell short; now was one of those times. "Aren't a lot of things like that though?" Koyama remarked, turning out of the parking space and heading toward the exit. "As idols, everything we do is like that."
"Too true."
Koyama pulled up to the exit gate and waved at the watchman on duty. Recognizing the two idols in the car right away, he quickly raised the black-and-white gate with a gentle bow of his head in their direction.
An awkward silence fell over the two, the lights and sights of the city passing them as they drove through the wide streets of central Tokyo. The awkwardness was not from any sense of discomfort they had with one another, but stemmed so much more from the things that they were purposefully leaving unsaid. It was not an elephant in the car with them; it was a whale.
"Things are really busy then?"
"Huh?" YamaPi's eyes turned onto Koyama, who was still faced forward, waiting for the stoplight to turn green at an intersection.
"That call earlier," Koyama paused, just as the red switched to green allowing him to make a right turn, "It seemed pretty intense."
YamaPi did not need to think about which call Koyama was referencing. "Not really," he dismissed, leaning his arm against the sill of the closed car window. "I just have a meeting with Johnny-san tomorrow before rehearsal."
Meetings with Johnny-san were rare. Koyama usually only met with him four or five times a year, and those meetings were always as part of NEWS. YamaPi met with him a little more than he did as the more popular idol (Koyama held no jealousy toward the other; it was simply a fact of life), but even then that was not all that often. And of course, they both remembered the last time they had entered that large, overwhelming office not even two months ago. "Is it about NEWS?" Koyama dared to ask after moment of pondering; if he did not ask, he would probably spend the entire night sleepless, dying of curiosity and worry.
"No. It's about me."
"It's not something bad, is it?"
"I'm singing the theme song for Kurosagi."
"You, as in...."
"Yamashita Tomohisa. They want me to go solo."
"That's a good thing, isn't it?" Koyama cheered exuberantly as he made a left turn onto a narrow, well-lit street. "Oh, and tell me when to stop; I don't remember which apartment building it is."
"Here; this one on the left." YamaPi tapped on his window, pointing out the five-story structure. The main walkway was lined with lights leading up to the sliding glass doors of the main lobby and there was a small well-manicured garden that bordered the front of the building.
Koyama stopped the car right at the beginning of the walkway, pulling up on the hand brake. YamaPi reached into the backseat for his duffel bag and Koyama helped him maneuver it out. "Thanks, Koyama."
"Not a problem." Koyama smiled up at YamaPi, who was now out of the car, leaning down to peer through the open car door. "I'll see you tomorrow, and good luck!"
"Tomorrow," YamaPi echoed with a nod. "And thanks again."
*~*~*
"Daite Senorita" was the name of the song.
From what he had heard of it from the demo tape, it had an almost-dated, eighties' sound that was cheesy, but at the same time insanely catchy. The lyrics were a bit...off if anything else-it took a bit of unconventional thinking to figure out how the song's image fit with the drama's-but Johnny-san assured YamaPi that it would be a surefire hit.
"With your first leading drama role, it's the perfect time for you to go solo. The fans will want to support you completely as you venture out on your own; you'll sell, Yamashita."
Selling was important. Selling was how idols understood their standing. Which idol sold the most pictures, which member's uchiwa sold out first, which group's CDs sold the highest amount of copies in their debut week-as an idol, all these things were supposed to matter. And yet, in that meeting, all YamaPi wanted to say was, "I don't care."
Over his own solo debut, YamaPi would happily take the revocation of NEWS's hiatus.
The members took the announcement of his solo debut better than YamaPi had himself. They were enthusiastic, supportive, and genuinely excited for him. YamaPi even played the demo tape for them and they all claimed the song totally perfect for him-a very cool, strong, and manly sound. Massu immediately started thinking up silly choreography, pumping his fist along with chorus. Ryo of course commented on the difficult connect between the song and the drama-"What does being a swindler have to do with some random chick holding on to you?"
He sort of wished that they were not so supportive. That they would get angry at him for going solo and leaving them behind. But he supposed they recognized that the situation was not like that. He was being told to go solo. There really was no choice involved.
YamaPi squatted down on the metal stairs of the fire escape, his open cell phone in one hand and in the other, a freshly lit cigarette. Unconsciously raising the Marlboro to his lips, he thumbed through his address book on the cell phone until he came across the name he was looking for under the group heading of "best friends". He hit the call button and "Akanishi Jin" flashed across the screen as the number was dialed.
It rang five times before redirecting to the automated female voice that was the cell phone's voicemail. Before she finished her spiel about leaving a message after the tone, YamaPi hung up and flipped back to his address book. "Should I call him at home...?"
"Fat Jin not picking up?" Ryo came up from behind him and snagged his cigarette.
Upon being startled, YamaPi quickly shut his cell phone and stuffed it into the pocket of his black hoodie. "I was going to tell him about the solo stuff." He turned around from his perch on the stairs to look up at Ryo leaning over the fire escape railing, the Marlboro now hanging from his thin fingers. "But he's probably busy."
"Of course he is. KAT-TUN's official debut is tomorrow," Ryo pointed out, gently releasing a trail of smoke from his pursed lips. "As if he's going to have time to take Yamashita Tomohisa's call."
YamaPi nodded in agreement. "What are you doing out here? Is break over yet?"
"It was over awhile ago, but Ishida-san decided to go through the solos again and is working with Tegoshi and Massu right now; you've still got some time."
"Shit. I seem to be losing track of time lately." YamaPi glanced at the face of his cell phone to see that fifteen minutes had already passed since they had taken their ten-minute break.
"Symptoms of aging?"
"You're older than me."
"I age with much more grace."
YamaPi leaned against the steps behind him and sighed. "I bet you do."
"Hey, Pi?"
"Hmm?"
"…are you okay?"
The younger idol dropped his head backwards slightly so that he was looking at Ryo upside down. "I'm fine."
Ryo shifted so that he was no longer leaning over the rail, but now faced the stairs on which YamaPi sat. "Seriously. This solo stuff, NEWS, the drama...you're managing it?"
YamaPi rose, brushing off the back of his track pants. Moving to stand next to Ryo, he took back his cigarette from the other and took a quiet drag off it. Moments later, he exhaled, allowing the smoke to swirl up into the dark of the evening. "The master of overloading himself with work is worrying about me?" YamaPi smiled, flashing a thumbs-up sign. "Really. I'm okay."
"Don't push yourself."
"I'm not." But even as he said those words, YamaPi was pushing himself.
*~*~*
date: 24/03/06 22:31
to: YamaPi
from: Akanishi Jin
Hey~ Long time, no see~ (⌒~⌒v)
Sorry! You called, but I didn't answer!
You know how it is! I've been soooo busy!
You have too, right?
I heard about your solo debut! That's so awesome!
I'm jealous~ :D
Good luck! I'm sure it'll be awesome.
When we're both free some time, we need to go eat!
Who knows when that will be though?!
*~*~*
"Let's take a picture!" Tegoshi cried out as they passed through the bullet train wickets and into the waiting terminal at Nagoya Station.
"Are you kidding?" Ryo adjusted the overnight bag on his shoulder while he stared at Tegoshi like he’d grown a third eye. "My train is going to be here in five minutes!"
"Ryo-tan~! Please?" The youngest NEWS member gave a soft pout, and pressed his palms together before his face. Massu and Koyama joined as well, if only for the sake of a unified front.
"There's no point in resisting, Boss," Shige advised with a slight smirk. "They'll win."
Ryo stared at the three begging figures for a moment before shrugging with a sigh. "Just be fast about it!"
"Yamashita-kun!" Tegoshi cried out with little restraint. After all, it was a late Sunday evening and there were maybe thirty people at most in the terminal, all older businessmen. "Hurry! Come here!"
YamaPi walked away from his manager, with whom he had been discussing his schedule for the upcoming week, and joined the others. "What?"
Koyama motioned YamaPi closer with a waving of his hand. "Let's take a picture!"
The six idols squished together as tightly as they could-YamaPi on one side and Tegoshi on the other, holding out his digital camera as far as he could in front of them. Why they did not ask someone to take the picture for them, YamaPi was not quite sure, but it did not matter because Ryo was in a hurry and had no time to waste.
"If I miss my train, Tegoshi, I'll kill you."
"Okay! One. Two. THREE!" Tegoshi pressed the shutter button and proceeded to momentarily blind everyone (save for YamaPi, who was conveniently wearing his sunglasses) with the camera flash.
Once they regained their sight, Ryo stepped away from the clustered group, heading toward his platform which was few down from everyone else's; he had filming for Honjani tomorrow with Kanjani8, so he was headed back to Osaka now that NEWS's first set of concert performances were over. "So, I'll see you guys!" he bade with a short wave.
Various calls of goodbye followed after him as he walked alone toward the other side of the terminal, eventually ascending the escalator for Platform 5 just as his nozomi bullet train headed for Shin-Osaka station pulled in.
The five remaining members followed suit, ascending the nearby escalator for Platform 1, their managers trailing behind. Once they found the appropriate place where their particular car would stop along the platform, they set their things down on the ground and simply waited the fifteen minutes it would take for their train to arrive.
"Ooh! It came out well!" Tegoshi awed over the picture he had just taken, previewing it. "The perfect souvenir from Nagoya!"
"Oh crap!" Shige winced as the mention of souvenirs caused him to remember something he had forgotten. "I forgot to get Uiro for my mom!"
Koyama arched his eyebrow, munching on some strawberry Pocky that he had bought on the way into the station. "You just remembered that?"
"Do you think there might be a stall in the station still selling it?!"
YamaPi glanced at the large digital clock displayed above the bullet train's timetable hanging from the roofing over the platform. "It's almost ten on a Sunday night." He did not want to say it was hopeless, but it probably was.
"I have three boxes, Shige." Massu lifted his brightly-colored paper bag that contained the popular Nagoya sweet. "I can just give you one."
"Really?" Shige's eyes lit up and he sighed in relief, making his way over to Massu's side. "Massu, you totally saved me! My mom would've been so upset if I didn't come home with Uiro; she loves it!"
With Shige joining Massu and Tegoshi as they happily gossiped about their favorite specialty foods from Nagoya, Koyama and YamaPi were left sitting alone on some of the waiting chairs on the platform.
"Today's concerts were fun," Koyama started conversationally, pointing his open box of Pocky in YamaPi's direction as to offer him some.
"I put that in my J-web," the dark-haired idol commented, snagging two sticks of Pocky and carefully nibbling away at strawberry coating.
"Oh really? I'll check it tomorrow."
"You actually check my J-web?"
"Yeah. Why not? I usually check anything written by a member." Koyama stated all this like an obvious fact of life, even though it was anything but to YamaPi. He gave a slightly sheepish smile. "It's member love."
"Member love..." Again, YamaPi found himself mulling over the phrase and what it meant. "You like NEWS, don't you, Koyama?"
Koyama was taken aback by the blunt question. It was not only the way it had been asked though-as if YamaPi was sincerely unsure of the answer-but the timing as well. They had spent an entire day together, preparing for and then performing two concerts in a row. During songs they had thrown arms around each other and sang with giddy smiles. Water bottles were shared without the least bit of reserve during breaks. They would affectionately make fun of each other during the MCs. Yes, Koyama did recognize, some of their actions were exaggerated for the sake of the fans who had come to see their happy idols on stage, but he did not think that the images they created were all that far from the truth. "I do," he eventually answered after some hesitation. Not because he did not know his own response to the question as much as he did not know what response YamaPi was expecting. "Of course, I do."
"I do too," NEWS's leader immediately returned, looking over to where Massu, Tegoshi, and Shige had begun to kill time with a vicious game of paper, rocks, scissors where the loser was hit hard on the hand by the winner. Currently, Shige was gingerly rubbing the top of his hand where Massu had gotten him especially good. "To the point where I don't think I want to be anyone other than NEWS's Yamashita Tomohisa."
As he said his final words, the stationmaster came over the platform's PA system, announcing that the last nozomi train headed for Tokyo was arriving. YamaPi picked up his overnight bag and stood up, casually walking over to the designated area where the doors for their train car were supposed to open, acting as if he had said nothing of great importance.
Koyama thought otherwise.
*~*~*
"Hello!"
It was Tuesday afternoon and Koyama was wandering the corridors of TBS studios. There were only three days before he was to crank in on Kurosagi, so he had been called to the set to report for a costume fitting for his character. To say he was excited was an understatement.
Koyama was so excited that he had gotten himself turned around in the familiar studio and had had to backtrack, taking the long route to get to the soundstage for the drama.
But maybe it was not just the anticipation that was getting to him, the idol realized as he greeted everyone he met in the halls with a bright and shiny, "Hello!" Just a split second before he would greet the person with whom he was crossing paths, Koyama would make a mental note that that person was not YamaPi-as though he was specifically seeking out YamaPi. And perhaps-by hoping that he coincidentally would run into the other NEWS member-he was.
What YamaPi said the other night on the bullet train platform in Nagoya had stuck with Koyama. Initially, he had wanted to pursue the conversation further, but when Shige insisted that they sit together so that the two of them could play video games and YamaPi settled himself next to Tegoshi (everyone avoided Massu on night trains because he snored in his sleep), Koyama decided to let it go.
However, two days later and the younger man's words were still hanging out in the back of his mind, like a spoiled child tugging on his mother's sleeve until she gave him her full attention.
"...I don't think I want to be anyone other than NEWS's Yamashita Tomohisa."
When he first heard those words, Koyama's thoughts immediately went to YamaPi's solo project as Yamashita Tomohisa. Was he against his own debut that much? And why? Of all the people Koyama could think of, YamaPi was the one who deserved to go solo the most! Yes, NEWS was going on hiatus, but that was not his fault. If anything, YamaPi was the sole reason that NEWS was still intact-publicly apologizing for their mistakes, cheering them all up when things seemed grim, thinking of NEWS above all else. He was their leader. Even better, he was their pirate captain.
"oiratachi wa maru de sayaendou," Koyama murmured the "Sayaendou" lyrics to himself with a slight grin.
He finally arrived at the right soundstage, a large, obvious sign on the closed door declaring it to be "Kurosagi Set #1". The red light above the door was not currently lit, so Koyama freely entered the soundstage knowing that he was not interrupting during filming.
Noting the busy atmosphere as various members of the drama's staff scurried about, Koyama thought he might be in luck. Maybe YamaPi was filming on the stage today. He might be able to catch him between takes and talk to him. Find out what was up, because something was definitely up. Only if YamaPi was willing to share though; and so far, it seemed that he was not.
"Koyama-san?"
A middle-aged woman approached him from the opposite side of the soundstage. "Yes. I am Koyama," he replied, removing his dark sunglasses so that his face could be seen better. "Are you Morii-san?"
"Yes. I'm Morii, in charge of costume design." She returned his introduction with a polite bow. "It's nice to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too."
"Here." She motioned to him with her hand and began heading toward the doors through which Koyama had just come a few minutes ago. "Why don't you follow me and I'll take you back to wardrobe to show you what we've picked out so far for Tanabe's clothing."
"Sure," Koyama agreed, casting a long glance back at the set that was being prepared. He followed her, but with hesitance because he really did not want to miss a chance of running into YamaPi. "Um... Morii-san, do you know if Yamashita-kun is filming today?"
"Yamashita-san?" Morii repeated as she pushed the door open, back out into the hallway. "There is some night location shooting going on tonight out in Bunkyo-ku so I don't think he's in studio today."
"Oh." Koyama figured he could wait another day to speak with YamaPi.
But he really did not want to.
*~*~*
April 2006
"OKAY! Cut!"
The director's decisive call ended the last shot of the scene, effectively finishing off the first day of filming on Kurosagi for Koyama.
They had spent all morning shooting the three studio scenes that he had with Ozawa Maju-who was playing his character's sister-on the Tanabe apartment set. It had been a good first day of shooting as far as Koyama was concerned - no real big NGs on his part except slipping once when he went to kneel in front of the family shrine, which was really quite harmless. It was his first time working with Ozawa-san so it was a little awkward at first, but as soon as they had gotten the formalities out of the way and started working, they interacted with much more ease. It turned out she was a chatty person herself, so the down time in between takes passed quickly with enjoyable conversations.
Stepping off the carpeted set and onto the cement floor, Koyama bowed in the general direction of the busy film crew. "otsukaresama deshita!"
Various cries from around the set returned his farewell as Koyama dashed for the studio doors to get back to his temporary dressing room. "Do you have work after this?" Ozawa-san called after him, noting the idol's hurry.
Koyama turned around to face Ozawa while he pushed open the door behind him with his back. "Yes; actually, I'm in a little bit of a hurry, so..."
Ozawa smiled politely and waved him off. "I understand. otsukaresama deshita."
"otsukaresama deshita."
Upon discovering that his watch read a quarter 'til two, Koyama frowned slightly, cursing quietly to himself. He only had fifteen minutes until the car would arrive to pick him up to take him to the K-chan NEWS recording session. If he rushed, he would be able to make it on time, but he would have preferred not to have to. Oh well, there was no use complaining. At least, being busy meant he had work. And having work meant that he was-
"Oi! Koyama!"
"Eh?" Koyama snapped his head around in the direction of the voice and saw YamaPi lightly jogging to catch up with him in the corridor. From what he could tell, the younger man had emerged from one of the doors that Koyama had passed while he had been absorbed in his thoughts. "Oh, YamaPi! Hey!"
The urgency with which Koyama had been preoccupied with completely vanished the moment he spotted his fellow band-mate. "You just get here?" Somehow, he was pretty sure the normal YamaPi wear of a yellow screen-print t-shirt with the random English phrase of "yeah rock kitty", a black leather jacket, designer frayed jeans, and sandals did not actually originate from the Kurosagi wardrobe.
"Yeah. I drove in with Sawada-san." YamaPi had reached Koyama by now and was standing with him off to the side of the corridor. "Isn't he supposed to be taking you somewhere?"
"I have a recording for my radio show, some interviews for Popolo and Myojo, and then to the station to catch the train with the others to Fukuoka for this weekend's concerts." Koyama could not help but sigh after detailing his schedule for the rest of the day. "Oh. I have to drop by Meiji before the station because I need to get the new spring semester schedule too."
"You have classes even though you're a fourth-year?" As Koyama began to walk again in the general direction of his dressing room, YamaPi fell into step beside him.
"Yeah. I already have a thesis advisor, but I need to take a few seminar courses before I can start that." As they turned a corner, Koyama found himself chuckling at their conversation. "It never fails to amuse me when one minute we'll be talking about being pop idols and the next minute, we end up sounding like normal college students. Talk about a double life."
"Ever since I started doing Kurosagi, I realized that we're not all that different from swindlers ourselves." YamaPi shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket while he waited for Koyama to open the door to the dressing room they had stopped in front of.
"Eh? Really?" Koyama glanced back at YamaPi as he twisted the knob and stepped into the small, well-lit room, motioning for YamaPi to follow him. "How so?"
YamaPi mumbled a soft, "Excuse me," as he entered the dressing room, shutting the door behind himself. Koyama immediately started stripping out of the grey sweats and black polo shirt he had been wearing for the shooting as the other continued his explanation. "We both make our livings off our images. Without them, we're nothing." Suddenly, a bitterness of which YamaPi himself was not completely aware had seeped into his voice. He dug his hands deeper into his pockets, as though searching for a misplaced object he was doomed to never find. "So we have to keep refining ourselves and our images in order to get by, even when we don't want to. It's not like we can just up and stop either though."
Koyama had stopped halfway through the process of slipping his belt through his jeans' belt loopholes and was now staring at YamaPi, who in turn had his gaze focused on the fake tatami flooring beneath his feet. It was like Nagoya all over again. An innocent line of conversation suddenly evoked an honestly raw and unfiltered response from YamaPi that caught Koyama completely off-guard. What do you say after that?
Nothing apparently because after a long, very awkward silence, YamaPi simply left the room without a word, leaving Koyama to finish dressing. However, as soon as Koyama had managed to get his shirt over his head, he dashed over to the door and yanked it open, looking down the hallway to see if he could catch YamaPi. Unfortunately, the only people he found were random staff who peered at the idol curiously.
Suddenly, the rest of the day and its bevy of tasks did not seem so important anymore.
~*~*~
YamaPi's lips parted in a wide yawn as he unlocked the door of the Fukuoka hotel room he was sharing with Ryo and stumbled inside with his small overnight bag. Moving into the room, he found Ryo perched on the twin bed closest to the window, the one his friend usually claimed.
Ryo glanced up at YamaPi from what he had been writing, removing his left headphone earpiece so that he could listen to the B'z and talk at the same time. "Yo."
"Yo." YamaPi threw his bag onto the bed next to the large closet that neither of them would use, and struggled to resist the urge to throw his tired body atop the mattress as well. Instead, he settled himself on the edge of the bed and removed his shoes. "When did you get here?"
"Four hours ago. In time for dinner at least," Ryo answered, scrawling a few more characters before shutting his thin notebook. "Shooting all day?"
YamaPi shed his jacket, tossed it onto a chair opposite his bed, and stretched his hands above his head. "Just the morning." He yawned once more, having failed to bite it back. "This afternoon I was recording for 'Daite Senorita'. You?"
"Morning shooting at Haneda; they can only get us into the hangars on Saturdays apparently. Bit of a pain in the ass."
YamaPi cracked a small grin as he went digging through his bag. "Complaining about work, are we?"
"Not complaining, simply stating a fact; it overlaps with run-through rehearsals." Noting that YamaPi was now holding his bottle of shampoo, Ryo added, "There are fresh towels in the ofuro. And there's no one using it other than us this weekend."
"Perfect. I need a long soak after today." Having grabbed a change of clothing from his bag as well, YamaPi rose from the bed and shuffled toward the doorway. "Are you going to sleep soon?"
Both men's eyes went to the digital alarm clock sitting on the night stand separating their beds. Midnight was on the approach. "Probably; the last thing I need is to feel like shit for two concerts in a row while being a dork with the rest of you guys."
YamaPi shook his head, his long bangs momentarily falling into his tired eyes. "You do realize that the fact that you join us makes you no better, right?"
"I do it for the money," Ryo declared, leaning back against his bed's headboard and propping his hands behind his head. "I don't think you can say the same."
"You are so full of shit." YamaPi rolled his eyes, sliding his bare feet into the courtesy hotel slippers next to the door. "Anyway, I'm taking my key with me, so go ahead and lock the door when you go to sleep."
*~*~*
Relaxing his head back against the edge of the ofuro as the gentle water vibrations massaged his tired muscles, YamaPi fondly recalled why he loved performing in Fukuoka: getting to use this ofuro.
Whenever they were in Fukuoka, they always stayed at this particular hotel. There was a VIP ofuro explicitly for their private usage because rightly enough, the hotel recognized that it was not exactly good business practice to have their VIP guests being gawked at by other guests while they were bathing; YamaPi thought it a good marketing tactic too. In most of their other lodgings on tour, there was usually a fancy, spacious ofuro for all guests to use and that was not so terrible. When people noticed them bathing, the majority respected their privacy (save for the random, bold child every now and then who got a kick out of comparing himself to a pop idol). However, YamaPi still preferred the small, quaint, private ofuro of this hotel hands down.
In a way, the ofuro was a sacred place for him. Ideally, it was a place of solitude-a place where he could let the scorching hot water wash over him and strip away the excess of the day, leaving him bare. No costumes, no makeup, no pretenses, just him and him alone left to contemplate those things which he had no other time to. It was different from an onsen where one goes with friends to relax and have fun. Its smallness was its charm-there was no room for anyone else to get in the way.
The other members understood that about him. For YamaPi, showers were a part of work. The ofuro was his time. They accepted that, and as fellow idols who understood the need for personal time, gave it to him.
Which was why when YamaPi heard the smooth rolling of the sliding door's wheels and glimpsed Koyama entering through his half-lidded eyes, he was slightly surprised. Of all people, Koyama definitely was the last person YamaPi expected to fail to notice him as he padded barefoot across the tiled floor over to the washing area.
As Koyama set about to cleaning himself, YamaPi allowed his eyes to slip shut and tried to let his mind wander. Though, when the sound of running water filled the otherwise silent room, he found himself becoming more and more aware of Koyama's presence-to the point where his thoughts immediately settled on something he would much rather forget: their conversation yesterday.
YamaPi did not understand it. His attitude toward Koyama recently, that was. It was as if the older man unwittingly had become his confessor. Every time they ended up alone, he felt the need to voice things that should not be said; at least not to a fellow band-mate, not as far he was concerned. He was their leader; he was supposed to lead them out of their worries, not add to them with his own stupid ones.
After he had attempted to call Jin two weeks ago, he did not dare try again. He could not rely on Jin to be there at all time as his sounding board. It certainly was not because Jin did not want to be; it was the total opposite. He knew if he went to Jin, Jin would be the best friend that YamaPi had always looked to, but the idol Jin would suffer for it. And YamaPi did not think that idol Jin could afford to take a hit right now, not with KAT-TUN having finally debuted.
With Toma, he always felt incredibly self-conscious talking about NEWS. Of all people, despite the bitterness he had held when YamaPi was made to debut with NEWS and leave the rest of the 4Tops behind, Toma was quite rational when it came listening to the worries of his friend. This time around however, YamaPi imagined that Toma might not want to hear what the other had to say. And so when they had gone out to dinner earlier that week, all he had mentioned was how excited he was to be going solo.
Except he was not.
And no one else knew better than Koyama.
YamaPi cracked the lid of his right eye open ever-so-slightly to catch a glimpse of Koyama washing the remnants of shampoo out of his hair-his head tilted back, water pouring out of the detachable shower head onto his copper-colored hair and overflowing onto the tiled floor. The other idol still appeared to be completely unaware of YamaPi's presence in the ofuro behind him.
It was only moments later, when Koyama stood up and turned around to move to enter the ofuro himself that he let out a startled gasp when he recognized YamaPi's figure submerged in the scalding, yet soothing water. "Eh! YamaPi?"
"I was wondering when you'd notice."
"You've been here the entire time?!"
"Uh-huh."
"Why didn't you say anything?!"
"Why didn't you notice?"
A silence that seemed to be becoming a common occurrence between the two of them when their conversation reached its limit set in once more. Standing just a few steps away from the ofuro, Koyama gazed at the dark-haired man with a mixture of worry and confusion in his eyes. His brow was ever-so slightly furrowed, an unusual expression for the normally positive idol. How many times had Koyama worn that face this week because of him? YamaPi did not have any idea, but seeing the way Koyama's face looked in that very moment was already too much for YamaPi.
"You worry too much."
Koyama blinked at YamaPi's abrupt words. "Eh?"
"You worry too much. About everyone."
"Sorry about that," he apologized with a defeated voice. Koyama figured this was YamaPi's way of telling him to shove off and to not pry into his business, and in being so rebuked, began to shuffle toward the door to leave the other to finish his time in the ofuro.
"Where are you going?"
The sensitive curiosity in YamaPi's voice caught Koyama off-guard once more and he stopped, already sliding the glass door halfway open; he could glimpse his folded clothes peeking out from a basket in the adjacent changing room. "Back to my room," he answered with his back to other, frozen in mid-flight.
"But you didn't even get in the water."
"It's already late; I should get around to sleeping for tomorrow."
"Wouldn't you sleep better after you spent some time in the ofuro?"
Koyama turned and pointedly looked at YamaPi for a good, long moment. YamaPi found and held his gaze, their dark brown eyes meeting in an exchange. Everyone knew that the ofuro equaled alone-time for the most popular NEWS member. Yet, here was YamaPi, insisting that he stay and join him. His eyes even seemed to implore Koyama doggedly, just as determined and set as they had been the first time they officially met.
Finally, Koyama bowed his head, tearing his gaze from YamaPi's. "I really should-"
"I'm sorry." YamaPi's abrupt apology cut the other off, again keeping him from leaving. "About yesterday. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly."
The one thing that had been constantly on Koyama's mind since its strange occurrence the day before had been the last thing he expected YamaPi to mention. He slid the glass door shut once more and took a few steps toward the ofuro so that he was now standing on the edge, but still not entering. "It's okay."
"Is it really?" YamaPi returned with a question, not necessarily needing an answer as he already had his own formed, but still inviting a response from Koyama.
The dark-haired man watched his fellow band-mate as he lowered himself into the ofuro, sighing as his body submerged beneath the hot bathing water. Once he had settled himself comfortably, Koyama replied. "It is."
In that simple confirmation, it was understood that the two of them were no longer talking about just yesterday's incident.
Koyama looked expectantly toward YamaPi from across the small ofuro, waiting for him to continue the conversation. As good a talker as he was, he was just as good of a listener, if not better. And all he wanted to do right then was to listen, if YamaPi would finally let him.
YamaPi gently released the breath he unconsciously had been holding in, allowing a wave of calm to sweep through him. "When you were a Junior, did you ever think that we'd be in a situation like this?"
"In an ofuro together?"
The smallest of smirks broke across YamaPi's otherwise solemn features at Koyama's literal rendering of his inquiry. "No. I mean, debuted."
"I dreamt about it, sure," Koyama acknowledged, remembering those first few years in Johnny's that he had spent as a Junior. "I never really thought anything would come of it though. My voice wasn't all that great, I wasn't a skilled dancer, my eyes were small. All I have ever had was MC skills, and even those didn't get developed 'til later. So being able to debut as NEWS was completely surreal-a dream come true."
"Debuting with NEWS and being forced to be leader was a nightmare for me," YamaPi confessed heavily, examining the slightly pruned tips of his fingers-anything to not see Koyama's reaction. "I hardly knew any of you. Ryo and I were close and through Ryo, I knew Uchi. You and I had talked just a handful of times at that point. And after that, I didn't know or care who the other members were really.
"At first, when we were just a temporary unit for the volleyball championships, I was sort of okay with that. It was only a month after all, and then everything would go back to normal; I would be back with Toma, HaseJun and Kazama. So when it was decided that we'd all debut as NEWS because of the group's popularity, I was horrified. I had spent seven years as a Junior with the same people only to debut without any of them."
"You hated us." Koyama's voice did not indicate any hurt feelings at the revelation. He was simply stating that to which YamaPi was alluding.
"I hated NEWS." YamaPi lifted his eyes to look across the ofuro at Koyama. "But I didn't individually hate any of you-debuting as NEWS was something none of us really chose, even if you all were much more excited about it than I was. I mean, I didn't even know any of you well enough to hate you. But the idea of NEWS-of becoming the leader of a group that I hardly knew or gave a shit about-that I hated."
Koyama's arm rested on the rim of the ofuro, his fingers absently tracing along the cracks between the moist tiles. YamaPi continued to look directly at him and he steadfastly held his gaze, waiting for the leader to carry on.
"It took a lot of time, but eventually I got over it. The hate, that is. Especially after Uchi's scandal." YamaPi's brow furrowed as he recalled that time when he had truly taken a stand on the group's behalf for the first time. "I started to really enjoy just being a part of NEWS and realize just how good I had it. Yeah, it wasn't what I originally had wanted, but it still worked." An uneasy, embarrassed smile touched his lips as he looked once again at his hands, floating just beneath the water's surface. "It took me almost two years, but I finally stopped being a brat and started acting like a leader."
Koyama slightly rose from his seat in the ofuro, moving as if he was going to physically stop YamaPi from berating himself. "You were never a brat..."
YamaPi did not hear the other's words however, as he continued on, words spilling from his lips. At first this all had been for Koyama’s benefit-a justification of his recently strange actions. However, as the conversation pushed forward, it became less about convincing Koyama and more about satisfying himself. YamaPi was not ready to admit to that part just yet, though.
"Just as I was starting to get my act together, everything was slipping away. Uchi, Kusano, the hiatus..." He examined his now fisted hands. "I don't want to be Yamashita Tomohisa. I want to be NEWS."
Following YamaPi's ardent declaration, there was another long silence. This one was not uncomfortable and awkward as the ones before it however. It was an easy silence-one that could be when two people reached an understanding.
"I want to be NEWS too."
Upon hearing Koyama's simple words, YamaPi found himself smiling softly in reply.
~*~*~*~
part one glossary
+ ofuro = bath
+ onsen = public hot spring
continue -->