Counting Stars - Gundam Wing, pg-13

[hizashikage]

fandom: Gundam Wing (hisashiburi~)
title: Counting Stars (ver 1)
author: anamuan
pairing: 1x2 if you squint. and infer things.
word count: 585
rating: pg-13 (according to aliza. who doesn't know how to rate things.)
author note: "Counting Stars" is by Sugarcult. Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise and Bandai and some other people. I own nothing.
There are two versions, because I couldn't decide (then or now) which I liked better. They're the same except for the ending. If, in the end, you have a vote for one or the other, I'd like to hear it.


~Hey,~

Duo.

~I wanna crawl out of my skin~

The name came unbidden into my mind as I carefully landed Wing in the small forest clearing. The clearing was tiny, barely bigger than Wing. A tight, precision landing. I wasn’t slipping after all.

~Apologize for all my sins~

Angry, violet eyes.

~All the things I should have said to you~

You’re running, you know. It was his voice. In my head as clearly as if he were in the clearing too. The hint of that knowing smirk in his voice was more damning than the all sins in the world, and my hands clenched into fists. He was laughing at me, at some secret joke only he knew.

~Hey, I can't make it go away~

I took a deep breath and forced my hands to relax. You’re not here. Go away.

~Over and over in my brain again
All the things I should have said to you~

That smirk in my head again. A sneer. I was slipping. I was gone.

~Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake~

I climbed to the top of Wing and settled a blanket around my shoulders. It was a clear night; cold, but not unbearably so. I never should have come here.

~I never ever ever meant to hurt you~

The thought rang through my head and for a moment drove out the demons. I never should have come here. The eyes of the dying. I was too close. And then they were back, full force, stronger than ever.

~I only did what I had to~

I was too close. I wasn’t more than three feet away when I pulled the trigger. I looked straight into his eyes as the enemy soldier died. Shock and pain on his face; even soldiers resigned to death are surprised when it finally comes to take them away.

~Counting stars again
~Hey, I'll take this day by day by day
Under the covers I'm okay I guess~

I was pulled out of my nightmare by a shout above me. A blanket and pillow fell from the top bunk and Duo followed, tense with anger and fear. Duo curled up on the floor under the blanket. Everything was quiet again; then, face pressed against the floor, he punched the pillow so hard stuffing came out. Once, twice more, cotton stuffing spurting like lava. His hand stayed a tightly clenched fist the whole night.

~Life's too short and i feel small
Counting stars wishing I was okay~

I thought about it and didn’t sleep.

~Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever ever meant to hurt you~

I was too close. I wasn’t more than three feet away when I pulled the trigger. I looked straight into his eyes as Duo died. Shock and pain on his face; even soldiers resigned to death are surprised when it finally comes to take them away. The blood didn’t show on his dark clothes, but spread across the beige carpet like blood on snow. And then, still looking at me, looking through me, like he could see my soul, he smiled.

~I only did what I had to
Counting stars again~

I only did what I had to. For the sake of everything I know. For the sake of the mission, but …

~Counting stars again~

He smiled. He was laughing at me, at some joke only he knew.

~Counting stars again
Counting stars again~
Counting stars again
Counting stars again~

Duo.