Not able to let go [1/1]
Title: Not able to let go [1/1]
Pairing: JongKey
Rating: PG-13
Summary: when you’re young you can do anything.
Genre: slice of life, angst
Words Count: 816
A/N: for kasayu♥ because I feel like hugging you ;~~~;
It’s one of those days when they walk down the street holding hands, trying to avoid other people’s confused gazes. They try not to care, not to feel like freaks or perverts as they're seen in the eyes of the strangers.
Only then they pass a pair of really old people- a man and a woman, probably in their late 80’s, walking slowly and carefully, holding hands and leaning one on another; they’re not young, they look really old and tired, but there’s something in them that makes Kibum and Jonghyun part their hands immediately, as if on impulse.
The rightness of it. The harmony.
Something that was never meant for them.
‘We’re 18, Kibum, we’re not mature enough to just dump the whole idea of making family because of... because of this- this thing between us.’
And Kibum only nods, aware of what Jonghyun wants to say and prove with these words.
‘One day we’re gonna part; as friends, of course, I don’t want to lose you, you’re too precious to me, I don’t want us to sour; but I… can’t… I know that one day I’ll want to have a wife, some children, a normal family. I… can’t, I just can’t resign for all of this.’
And Kibum agrees. He could agree on anything if only that would grant him being with Jjong. Even if it’s just for a while.
And it is indeed. After a year and a half their ways part; Jonghyun travels to Japan to try his luck in music. Kibum stays in Korea, also trying to fulfill his dreams. They meet many new people, many beautiful girls, they start to experience something they have never had a chance to experience before. Kibum seems to be the one with difficulties to just forget about all of this, he’s never been a ‘ladies man’ anyways; he believes in falling for person’s soul, the gender doesn’t matter at all, unlike his best friend.
And yet it’s Jonghyun who’s not able to let go.
Not when he finally visits Kibum and makes love to him like there’s not tomorrow though the latter protests.
‘cause this makes it harder to forget
He’s not able to let go when they lose contact.
He’s still not able to when they renew contact and he finds out that Kibum has a girlfriend.
He still can’t let go even if they no longer kiss, make love or even talk about past
‘past’?
Or when Kibum gets married and is seemingly happy.
Or when he announces with those dimples that matches with his dazzling smile that his wife is pregnant.
Even when she gives birth and Jonghyun is chosen to be its godfather.
Jonghyun is still not able to let go even when he himself is married and already has two children.
Each time he looks at his and Kibum’s family he thinks of what they’ve lost.
Not of what they’ve gained.
He thinks of those past, so distant times when they were still young and could have it all together.
Not the way they do have it now- but that doesn’t mean they would have been any worse.
And when he’s old and exhausted and he’s walking down the street along with his weak, sick wife, walking in the direction of the graveyard when he has someone so dear to him to greet, he sees two young, happy, but also a bit nervous boys coming their way. He notices their interlaced fingers and says nothing; instead, he smiles at the pair making them pretty shocked.
And then he and his wife reach the grave and he can’t even bring himself to tears; he can’t cry
‘Bummie, I can’t cry, last time I cried was like two years ago, when I was sixteen’
but sometimes he wishes he could, to just relieve himself from the pain.
He eyes the grave of his friend? lover?
His friend that never was his ‘best’ friend though he called him that; they’ve never been that well in communicating, Kibum had closer friends than him.
His lover that was always a ‘temporary’ lover; and yet it didn’t feel false or unfair, it felt right and rational, they were both men, they could not make it, they had families to make and people to content-
Oh, screw it all!
He looks at the grave of his dearest insane mistake and wonders what would it be like if he hadn’t been so full of himself those days, if he would give it a try without stating the fact of the unavoidable break-up right at the beginning.
Then he turns to his wife, smiles at her and they both leave the graveyard.
And when they once again meet the boys he silently prays and keeps his fingers crossed for them. So maybe they will risk for love, maybe even get disappointed, but they surely won’t regret not trying.
____
A/N: I didn’t disappear or forget about you or anything, it’s just sort of a difficult time for me for many reasons. But I had this in my head for rather long and I wrote a part of it today while riding to school and so I came home and finished it.
You can kind of interpret it as a divagation for ‘Facing Reality’. Sorry for being over depressive but hey, it’s autumn already and school came back and so on, but that’s what life is about :)
Andkasayu bb, I hope you’ll get better soon!! ;~~~; ILU!! ♥
Pairing: JongKey
Rating: PG-13
Summary: when you’re young you can do anything.
Genre: slice of life, angst
Words Count: 816
A/N: for kasayu♥ because I feel like hugging you ;~~~;
It’s one of those days when they walk down the street holding hands, trying to avoid other people’s confused gazes. They try not to care, not to feel like freaks or perverts as they're seen in the eyes of the strangers.
Only then they pass a pair of really old people- a man and a woman, probably in their late 80’s, walking slowly and carefully, holding hands and leaning one on another; they’re not young, they look really old and tired, but there’s something in them that makes Kibum and Jonghyun part their hands immediately, as if on impulse.
The rightness of it. The harmony.
Something that was never meant for them.
‘We’re 18, Kibum, we’re not mature enough to just dump the whole idea of making family because of... because of this- this thing between us.’
And Kibum only nods, aware of what Jonghyun wants to say and prove with these words.
‘One day we’re gonna part; as friends, of course, I don’t want to lose you, you’re too precious to me, I don’t want us to sour; but I… can’t… I know that one day I’ll want to have a wife, some children, a normal family. I… can’t, I just can’t resign for all of this.’
And Kibum agrees. He could agree on anything if only that would grant him being with Jjong. Even if it’s just for a while.
And it is indeed. After a year and a half their ways part; Jonghyun travels to Japan to try his luck in music. Kibum stays in Korea, also trying to fulfill his dreams. They meet many new people, many beautiful girls, they start to experience something they have never had a chance to experience before. Kibum seems to be the one with difficulties to just forget about all of this, he’s never been a ‘ladies man’ anyways; he believes in falling for person’s soul, the gender doesn’t matter at all, unlike his best friend.
And yet it’s Jonghyun who’s not able to let go.
Not when he finally visits Kibum and makes love to him like there’s not tomorrow though the latter protests.
‘cause this makes it harder to forget
He’s not able to let go when they lose contact.
He’s still not able to when they renew contact and he finds out that Kibum has a girlfriend.
He still can’t let go even if they no longer kiss, make love or even talk about past
‘past’?
Or when Kibum gets married and is seemingly happy.
Or when he announces with those dimples that matches with his dazzling smile that his wife is pregnant.
Even when she gives birth and Jonghyun is chosen to be its godfather.
Jonghyun is still not able to let go even when he himself is married and already has two children.
Each time he looks at his and Kibum’s family he thinks of what they’ve lost.
Not of what they’ve gained.
He thinks of those past, so distant times when they were still young and could have it all together.
Not the way they do have it now- but that doesn’t mean they would have been any worse.
And when he’s old and exhausted and he’s walking down the street along with his weak, sick wife, walking in the direction of the graveyard when he has someone so dear to him to greet, he sees two young, happy, but also a bit nervous boys coming their way. He notices their interlaced fingers and says nothing; instead, he smiles at the pair making them pretty shocked.
And then he and his wife reach the grave and he can’t even bring himself to tears; he can’t cry
‘Bummie, I can’t cry, last time I cried was like two years ago, when I was sixteen’
but sometimes he wishes he could, to just relieve himself from the pain.
He eyes the grave of his friend? lover?
His friend that never was his ‘best’ friend though he called him that; they’ve never been that well in communicating, Kibum had closer friends than him.
His lover that was always a ‘temporary’ lover; and yet it didn’t feel false or unfair, it felt right and rational, they were both men, they could not make it, they had families to make and people to content-
Oh, screw it all!
He looks at the grave of his dearest insane mistake and wonders what would it be like if he hadn’t been so full of himself those days, if he would give it a try without stating the fact of the unavoidable break-up right at the beginning.
Then he turns to his wife, smiles at her and they both leave the graveyard.
And when they once again meet the boys he silently prays and keeps his fingers crossed for them. So maybe they will risk for love, maybe even get disappointed, but they surely won’t regret not trying.
____
A/N: I didn’t disappear or forget about you or anything, it’s just sort of a difficult time for me for many reasons. But I had this in my head for rather long and I wrote a part of it today while riding to school and so I came home and finished it.
You can kind of interpret it as a divagation for ‘Facing Reality’. Sorry for being over depressive but hey, it’s autumn already and school came back and so on, but that’s what life is about :)
Andkasayu bb, I hope you’ll get better soon!! ;~~~; ILU!! ♥