The Worst Night
Last night was one of the worst I have had in recent history. As I have said, Luke came home from a friend's wedding with a new outlook. I had told him that I still had feelings for him and he told me that he had secretly been thinking about things as well.
So, last night after his show I went over to his place so we could talk. Well, already he wasn't in a good mood. He wants to give up acting all together and was very generally unhappy. I end up listening, trying to understand the cause of this. Don't know how I did it, but it lead to him becoming frustrated that I didn't understand what he was saying. That in turn, turned into a rant about how he and I don't communicate and how until that moment he wanted to give "us" a try again. It changed in 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it. Of course this would happen. It is Luke...what did I expect?
I just couldn't take it and yelled at him. I yelled at him for leading me on the other day. I yelled at him for sabotaging a date I had had last year when he missed me and wanted to try again, but as soon as things went that way, he changed his mind. I started crying and wanted to go to a party I was invited to. He knows there would be drinking at the party and that I had had trouble with alcohol recently. He was so angry he punched a wall and his hand began to bleed. It was just awful. I have seen him like this before, so it didn't shock me, but just made me so sad. We love each other so much, but can't not hurt each other. We are volatile. We ended up hugging for a long time, crying. I had to leave.
I asked him to slam the door on this once and for all, for both our sakes. So we ended the year long saga, just like that. Never to be revisited. We can't keep doing this to each other. It is over. I don't know how we can recover as friends. We can try, but we are so complicated.
So, last night after his show I went over to his place so we could talk. Well, already he wasn't in a good mood. He wants to give up acting all together and was very generally unhappy. I end up listening, trying to understand the cause of this. Don't know how I did it, but it lead to him becoming frustrated that I didn't understand what he was saying. That in turn, turned into a rant about how he and I don't communicate and how until that moment he wanted to give "us" a try again. It changed in 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it. Of course this would happen. It is Luke...what did I expect?
I just couldn't take it and yelled at him. I yelled at him for leading me on the other day. I yelled at him for sabotaging a date I had had last year when he missed me and wanted to try again, but as soon as things went that way, he changed his mind. I started crying and wanted to go to a party I was invited to. He knows there would be drinking at the party and that I had had trouble with alcohol recently. He was so angry he punched a wall and his hand began to bleed. It was just awful. I have seen him like this before, so it didn't shock me, but just made me so sad. We love each other so much, but can't not hurt each other. We are volatile. We ended up hugging for a long time, crying. I had to leave.
I asked him to slam the door on this once and for all, for both our sakes. So we ended the year long saga, just like that. Never to be revisited. We can't keep doing this to each other. It is over. I don't know how we can recover as friends. We can try, but we are so complicated.