20/35 Paper Planes [Kiseop/Kibum]
20. Paper Planes [Kiseop/Kibum]
We tread softly,
Spoke only in whispers,
For at any moment the world around us would shatter,
It did, like a broken heart,
It’s like I’m in a bad dream and I’ve dragged you in with me.
And I fear we won’t wake up.
I can’t save you.
You are going to die because of me.
I’m not afraid,
Even the world has died before,
we know this,
we can dig up the carcasses of its past lives,
buried deep beneath its flesh.
The world knows it’s died before,
But it’s not afraid,
The world knows it will be reborn.
--
The world suffers more pain in a lifetime than we do.
It suffers for the choices each one of us makes...
But I don’t love the world like I love you,
I can’t let you suffer for my mistakes.
You’ve only made one mistake,
And I forgave you for it long ago.
Your forgiveness doesn’t change my guilt.
I’ll die,
An eye for an eye, a life for a life...
Though I don’t feel one death is punishment enough,
You shouldn’t be here, you’re innocent.
I should be where you are.
You are here.
I am here.
This is the only place we belong: together.
Kibum, this will be our final goodbye,
And I wish I could add something sweet,
Like I’ll love you till the day I die,
But that’s only until morning...
Yes, we’ll die in the morning,
Side by side,
It wouldn’t be much of a life without you anyway,
I love you Kiseop.
I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I regret not telling you more often.
--
We die together,
I hope you’ll be the last thing I see.
Kibum, in the end you still love me,
And I love you.
We’re a tragedy with a happy endi...
After that there was nothing. Kibum looked down at the paper that had been hastily creased and shot through the bars of his cell. A tear wanted to escape from his eye, but his eyes were dry. He could hear the clattering of metal suits in the hall and shouts made in a tongue harsh and foreign to his ears. The prison guards would be there soon to take him to the scaffold, where Kiseop would be waiting. He quickly gathered all the little paper planes and smoothed them out as best he could, and tucked them into his shirt. The guards were right outside the door. With only maybe a minute before the door was opened. Kibum took out his most prized possessions, his only possessions, quickly scribbled down a few words, and hid the pages.
He was smiling when we took him out of his cell. He told me where to find the papers, he told me his story, and then he told me to tell you. He asked if I would give you his paper airplanes because you needed to read it. After that the rest of the way out of the jail and through the courtyard he talked about Kiseop. He was practically glowing when he finally saw him. They didn’t say a word in the last moments they had together, they just looked at each other. It was a look of content, acceptance, and love. Maybe what Kiseop had said last was their story was a tragedy with a happy ending, but I like to think Kibum said it best. In those last lines that Kiseop never saw...
There are no happy endings, because nothing ever ends.