negative everything...
so most don't know this in fact no one does but my best friends and my partner. we have decided to stop trying to not conceive. after loosing a child it really makes you see what you are missing. I have wanted a child since I had my first miscarriage at 2.5 weeks when I was 17 years old but I was able to grow past it and learn to live a normal life especially after being told I couldn't have children (which is an entirely to long of a story but long story short my PCOS is a large problem in my ability to conceive a carry a child to term.) anyways after being told that I learned to live with it until November 11th when I found out not only was I 6 weeks pregnant but I was loosing my second child with my partner and I was lost. so after the allotted time to wait to start "trying" again we discussed it and have decided to no longer try to stop a child being conceived in my womb. I was for sure that I was pregnant 2 days ago I had been sick for a week and and my boobs hurt and I felt off like I did with my previous pregnancies and so I was just convinced... until I started spotting.
it was then that the freaking out began hinking I was loosing another child so I ran to the store and bought 3 tests and took 1 that day and it came out negative, I was heartbroken but thought that maybe the next day or 2 I would get a positive. well I didn't the bleeding got worse and it was obvious to me then that I was experiencing my period and my heart dropped in my chest. I am trying so hard to just enjoy this time with my partner and let what will haooen haooen but its so hard when I want a child so bad. I want the morning sickness I was the swollen belly and ankles I was the constant fatigue and the pain from birth I want the late nights and no sleep and spit up all over me. I want the crying and the tough breast feeding problems and the laundry and bottles I want it all. and im so hurt and frustrated that I cant achieve the one thing a woman is suppose to be good at.
it was then that the freaking out began hinking I was loosing another child so I ran to the store and bought 3 tests and took 1 that day and it came out negative, I was heartbroken but thought that maybe the next day or 2 I would get a positive. well I didn't the bleeding got worse and it was obvious to me then that I was experiencing my period and my heart dropped in my chest. I am trying so hard to just enjoy this time with my partner and let what will haooen haooen but its so hard when I want a child so bad. I want the morning sickness I was the swollen belly and ankles I was the constant fatigue and the pain from birth I want the late nights and no sleep and spit up all over me. I want the crying and the tough breast feeding problems and the laundry and bottles I want it all. and im so hurt and frustrated that I cant achieve the one thing a woman is suppose to be good at.