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Livejournal, oh how I love thee. At times I forget that you exist. Days, weeks, months pass without a single thought of you. But then one day I remember and it brings a little comfort to my heart. I remember our history and all the bad and good and I'm encouraged to know that a part of me has a space on this crazy world wide web. Ahh. Here I am again in Middletown, CT. Ya know, this is where I was when I first began you a little over 2 years ago. I am in Middletown CT, living with my mom, 2 twin cousins, their eastern european husbands and 4 children( 2 boys from one twin, 2 girls from the other). Its a packed house, with thankfully no animals, and lots of love. It is such a joy living with children, especially when your the big cousin. You don't have to discipline or deal with tantrums. You just get to squeeze em and kiss em and see their smiling little faces light up whenever you arrive home. Its the most wonderful gift to have 4 little darling faces run to the door whenever you walk in and scream in glee " Chrissy, Chrissy!! Whoever is that excited ( consistently) for someone to arrive home?? Only a child. Ahh, I love em.
I came home after the Call which was more than amazing. I'm planning on moving to Atlanta in January and for now Im here in that inbetween place. Im inbetween ministries, leaving the Cause and joining IHOP. I'm inbetween cities, leaving D.C which was my home for quite a while and moving to Atlanta. And Im inbetween life stages, trying to leave childhood and enter into adulthood. So far that ones the hardest to manage. But I do try. I do. I'm trying to get my lisence. I've been driving during the day, a few times at night and once or twice on the highway. I get scared when a car is coming towards me in the opposite lane, it really makes me want to grab the wheel and go as far right into whatever nearby grassy field I can find. I also drive way too slow, or too fast depending on how distracted I can get. I don't get intersections. Even when its my turn I feel I should just let others go, like being polite, like when you get to a door first but open it and let someone else go first. But it doesnt work like that with driving. If you don't go someone might beep,wave their hand at you, roll their eyes and motion for you to get moving. I had one of those little waves yesterday. Yep, I did.
I've also been working on inner healing stuff. Not as much as I should though. Trying to be free from anger,fear, insecurity. Asking God to make me whole. What do I wish if I could just ask and all at once it'd be done? I would want to be completley free from abnormal, exaggerated fear. Id keep the normal healthy fears we all should have, leave out the ones that cause me to lock the car doors in the middle of the day in a safe supermarket parking lot. I'd be free from rejection and confidenant.I'd be able to have guy friendships( this is a big one) and not get so emotionally attached. I'd be less judgemental and critical, show more mercy, have less "opinions" of others. Less jealous, more self-assured, less double minded, more clear and focused. I'd be able to hear Gods voice more clearly, accept his love more freely and give it out more deeply. Yep, that is the where I want to be and day by day I believe I'm getting closer. Addressing things is the first step and I've been living in that one for a little while now. And I'm seeing progress. And even when Im not, others see it, and that makes me happy.
I love being in Middletown in September for a million reasons. Fall Foliage, hot chocolate, my mom, Erin moving to the city, Yeukai 20 minutes away, my church. Even now Im writing this from the computer in P.Pauls office. I havent really been here in so long and now I am. Its crazy how content I am. I went from being in a group that was so "cutting edge", hearing the most amazing speakers, traveling here and there, feeling so close to what God was majorly doing in this time, this hour. And although I loved it, there is no place like home. I love Middletown and all its charms. I know I can go anywhere in the world, but no matter where I travel I have a live lived in this little city. This saturday I'm traveling with some new friends from church to the Big E in Mass. And in a few weeks I'll be going to the Durham Fair!!! I truly couldn't be more excited if I tried. Farm animals, chowder in a bread bowl, fried dough, come on, whats better than that? Half the people in this country dont even know what fried dough is. You ask them and they say , " Funnel cakes?? No, not funnel cakes,fried dough! Yes, Im grateful to be in a state that knows the difference..even if it is just in name :)
But anywho I love Middletown. I love my church with its centuries old stained glass windows and worn red pews. I love main street and how it keeps getting newer and better but not in a overkill way that makes you feel things are changing too much. In a nice, gradually improving way.. I love that I'll be here(hopefully) for thanksgiving and we'll be having it at my cousins new home in Mass. Thanksgiving in Mass..just like the early pilgrims. Perfect! I am truly grateful to be home in this season at this time in my life. Its not been perfect, I've had some teary times and moments of still seemingly young adult angst..but all in all I'm glad to be home.
And I'm grateful for this journal. Ahh..im such a mushbucket. But really, If I was to get a myspace Id feel like Id need to prove myself..put up the cutest pics, use spell check, try to be creative in my writing. Here, alone in the livejournal world I just can just be freely me. Grammatically incorrect, goofy, run on sentence, bad punctuation me..ha ha. Oh and one more thing i love about this season. I've been writing real letters. Stamps, stickers, paper, cards..all and more. Its been like taking a step back in time. I love it. And I've been trying to love my mom because Ive realized no matter what type of ministry I may have in the future or how "succesful" I become, the person I really am is shown in the ways I treat those closest to me. If I can't love my mom in private, I'm lying to myself if I say I love others in public. And I don't want to live a lie. So pray for me livejournal world, pray I am patient enough to go downstairs and get her a coke at 1am, and loving enough to go to the dinner even though I'm not a fan of the food and the restaurants too cold. If I get those two things down, I'll have grown in leaps and bounds.
I came home after the Call which was more than amazing. I'm planning on moving to Atlanta in January and for now Im here in that inbetween place. Im inbetween ministries, leaving the Cause and joining IHOP. I'm inbetween cities, leaving D.C which was my home for quite a while and moving to Atlanta. And Im inbetween life stages, trying to leave childhood and enter into adulthood. So far that ones the hardest to manage. But I do try. I do. I'm trying to get my lisence. I've been driving during the day, a few times at night and once or twice on the highway. I get scared when a car is coming towards me in the opposite lane, it really makes me want to grab the wheel and go as far right into whatever nearby grassy field I can find. I also drive way too slow, or too fast depending on how distracted I can get. I don't get intersections. Even when its my turn I feel I should just let others go, like being polite, like when you get to a door first but open it and let someone else go first. But it doesnt work like that with driving. If you don't go someone might beep,wave their hand at you, roll their eyes and motion for you to get moving. I had one of those little waves yesterday. Yep, I did.
I've also been working on inner healing stuff. Not as much as I should though. Trying to be free from anger,fear, insecurity. Asking God to make me whole. What do I wish if I could just ask and all at once it'd be done? I would want to be completley free from abnormal, exaggerated fear. Id keep the normal healthy fears we all should have, leave out the ones that cause me to lock the car doors in the middle of the day in a safe supermarket parking lot. I'd be free from rejection and confidenant.I'd be able to have guy friendships( this is a big one) and not get so emotionally attached. I'd be less judgemental and critical, show more mercy, have less "opinions" of others. Less jealous, more self-assured, less double minded, more clear and focused. I'd be able to hear Gods voice more clearly, accept his love more freely and give it out more deeply. Yep, that is the where I want to be and day by day I believe I'm getting closer. Addressing things is the first step and I've been living in that one for a little while now. And I'm seeing progress. And even when Im not, others see it, and that makes me happy.
I love being in Middletown in September for a million reasons. Fall Foliage, hot chocolate, my mom, Erin moving to the city, Yeukai 20 minutes away, my church. Even now Im writing this from the computer in P.Pauls office. I havent really been here in so long and now I am. Its crazy how content I am. I went from being in a group that was so "cutting edge", hearing the most amazing speakers, traveling here and there, feeling so close to what God was majorly doing in this time, this hour. And although I loved it, there is no place like home. I love Middletown and all its charms. I know I can go anywhere in the world, but no matter where I travel I have a live lived in this little city. This saturday I'm traveling with some new friends from church to the Big E in Mass. And in a few weeks I'll be going to the Durham Fair!!! I truly couldn't be more excited if I tried. Farm animals, chowder in a bread bowl, fried dough, come on, whats better than that? Half the people in this country dont even know what fried dough is. You ask them and they say , " Funnel cakes?? No, not funnel cakes,fried dough! Yes, Im grateful to be in a state that knows the difference..even if it is just in name :)
But anywho I love Middletown. I love my church with its centuries old stained glass windows and worn red pews. I love main street and how it keeps getting newer and better but not in a overkill way that makes you feel things are changing too much. In a nice, gradually improving way.. I love that I'll be here(hopefully) for thanksgiving and we'll be having it at my cousins new home in Mass. Thanksgiving in Mass..just like the early pilgrims. Perfect! I am truly grateful to be home in this season at this time in my life. Its not been perfect, I've had some teary times and moments of still seemingly young adult angst..but all in all I'm glad to be home.
And I'm grateful for this journal. Ahh..im such a mushbucket. But really, If I was to get a myspace Id feel like Id need to prove myself..put up the cutest pics, use spell check, try to be creative in my writing. Here, alone in the livejournal world I just can just be freely me. Grammatically incorrect, goofy, run on sentence, bad punctuation me..ha ha. Oh and one more thing i love about this season. I've been writing real letters. Stamps, stickers, paper, cards..all and more. Its been like taking a step back in time. I love it. And I've been trying to love my mom because Ive realized no matter what type of ministry I may have in the future or how "succesful" I become, the person I really am is shown in the ways I treat those closest to me. If I can't love my mom in private, I'm lying to myself if I say I love others in public. And I don't want to live a lie. So pray for me livejournal world, pray I am patient enough to go downstairs and get her a coke at 1am, and loving enough to go to the dinner even though I'm not a fan of the food and the restaurants too cold. If I get those two things down, I'll have grown in leaps and bounds.