Why Am I Upset By This?
I see you online, and I rush to speak with you, just to ask you about your day. You and I talk about nothing, yet we can talk for hours at a time. So why am I upset when you have better friends than me? Why do I frown and my eyes burn when you choose to talk to them over me? I've never been a jealous person, and I don't think I am one now. But I do wish you'd take my hand when I reach out to you. Staying in familiar territory isn't how friends are made. I wish I could hug you and ask you to be my friend for life since that's how I already see you.
I get upset over not being the one to help you when you need a shoulder to cry on. I've tried to show you I'll always be by your side, but I don't think it's working. Even when I want nothing more than to run away and withdraw into my own shell to protect myself from rejection, I don't. I can't. I want to prove to you that you can rely on me, but everything I've tried hasn't done a thing. I feel useless if I can't help others. Helping others is what makes me happy.
I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I can't. I'll never tell you how I feel. Never. I'm so used to bottling up my feelings that I don't think I'd be able to tell you correctly anyway. So, I leave my feelings here, where you can't see them. Where you can never know them. I leave my hurt and desperate feelings here so that they don't boil over in the future...at least I hope they won't. Writing my feelings down like this doesn't always help and when it does help, it's just by a small fraction. They might boil over regardless if I write them down. I keep too many emotions inside, away from others....
Well, good night, people. I apologize for my weird and most likely confusing rant. ^^ Hope you all have a good night/day whichever side of the planet you're on. <3
-Chrissy
I get upset over not being the one to help you when you need a shoulder to cry on. I've tried to show you I'll always be by your side, but I don't think it's working. Even when I want nothing more than to run away and withdraw into my own shell to protect myself from rejection, I don't. I can't. I want to prove to you that you can rely on me, but everything I've tried hasn't done a thing. I feel useless if I can't help others. Helping others is what makes me happy.
I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I can't. I'll never tell you how I feel. Never. I'm so used to bottling up my feelings that I don't think I'd be able to tell you correctly anyway. So, I leave my feelings here, where you can't see them. Where you can never know them. I leave my hurt and desperate feelings here so that they don't boil over in the future...at least I hope they won't. Writing my feelings down like this doesn't always help and when it does help, it's just by a small fraction. They might boil over regardless if I write them down. I keep too many emotions inside, away from others....
Well, good night, people. I apologize for my weird and most likely confusing rant. ^^ Hope you all have a good night/day whichever side of the planet you're on. <3
-Chrissy