RIP Paw Paw
RIP Paw Paw
My grandfather's last words to me were that I was his shug girl and he loved me. That was at the hospital a few days before his body started to shut down. His actual last words were "help me." The last conversation I had with him at his house, face still paralysed, was him telling me how I was his Shug Girl and the story about how he had night shift and stayed with me all night when I was a baby with Yellow johntitis. He made sure I didn't remove my eye pads and go blind. He told my mom, "you know stuff like that bonds people." My mom cried because she knew his days were numbered but... I couldn't accept that.
My paw paw loved to fish and shoot squirrels off the porch. He loved to garden and take care of his property. He was a very smart, logical man with a sharp mind. He was always helping everyone and sharing his blessings. He was a God fearing man with an unwavering faith. My maw maw was his one true love and he fought hard to stay with her. he knew how to cook old school meals like salmon patties and meatballs. He loved corn bread and peanut butter crackers. He loved tomatoes and fresh vegetables from his garden. He could talk to squirrels. He trained goldfish. He loved animals. He walked with a cane and drove his car like a speed demon. In his young days he out ran police. He traveled the country. He was a simple man who valued family and close friends over money and material things. He knew what it was like to put in a good days work and was good at everything he did. He never did anything halfway and was OCD.
Why does death feel so permanent? Why will I spend the rest of my life trying to keep his memory alive as they start to dull over time? He will never meet my future spouse or be at my wedding. If I have his great grandkids, he will never meet them.... He was supposed to approve of my next boyfriend :( That means a lot to me for him to have my grandfather's approval. I never finished teaching him how to use a computer. He was getting the hang of using a cellphone. He always watched westerns. He was a freaking living history book that has now been burned out of existence and will be just a mere name to anyone born to his grandchildren. Just like I never knew my great grandparents. To me they are just a name in a story... that i'm too young to remember being a part of...
He was so active in my first 27 years of life... how can i go on without him? I was only in his last 27 years of life...
I should be feel lucky to of even had him for that long. Not many people make it to 90... not many grandparents are as amazing to their grandkids...
He knew he'd never travel again or make spoons again or go fishing again.
though my heart is empty it aches...
I feel my family being ripped apart.
he always had a big jug of ice water, picked up sticks before he cut the grass, did puzzles, listened to jimmy swaggart,
there are already holes in my memory.
now he is free to see aunt camille, uncle alvin, uncle preston and aunt bert... and everyone else he out lived. Most importantly he is able to see Jesus. If he didn't make it to heaven then we are all screwed...
My beautiful paw paw
I'll never forget you
I miss you so much already
and poor maw maw doesn't know what to do without you.
I always thought she would go first as her health was always worst
Plus, I think you would have handled it better than she would.
I wish you would have went together but at the same time
we can only handle so much :(
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