(no subject)
I want to vomit every time I see my friends on facebook announce their engagement, or pregnancy, or honeymoon, or wedding day. At first i was unsure why. I actually thought of the possible reason when writing the first sentence. Jealously? That's too easy of an accumulation. It's honestly not jealousy because i'm not ready for any of those things. I'm not even sure if i want them. It's just that i feel like i'm going against society. These are huge steps for anyone to make and they all lead down a path i'm not sure i want to go down. It seems like throughout time, Adam and Eve forward, man and woman get married. After that they have kids and may or may not (in today's society) live happy until death. If the first marriage doesn't work out they try again. It's extremely difficult seeing how people younger than me have found what appears to be their "soul mate." Time will tell of course. Anywho, it's like marriage in every culture is assumed. To grow up and start a "family" is what is drilled into our heads from movies to television, magazines, the Bible... I not sure if it's because i'm a girl and that's why i have the perspective OR if i'm the only one who has it. I think the reason i make a big deal out of this is because my whole life i've been on the same track as my peers. Grow up with family, go to school, then you choose real world or more school. This is when a change, not so obvious, was made. Some of my peers that i've known forever got off the same path as I. They didn't choose college but it didnt effect me because so many other chose the same fate I did that it was hardly noticed. Now that college is almost over i feel like i'm on an assembly line and it's expected of me to follow everyone else into matrimony. Obviously that's not going to happen anytime soon, so now what? Most of my peers are jumping on the band wagon. I'm choosing a path separate from theirs and this time i'm the minority. I am happy for everyone who is brave enough to make those enormous decisions in life. Best wishes to the bride and congrats to the groom. Have a great time on your honeymoon, I hope it's a healthy baby... I do. My whole life God has been there for me and now i need Him more than ever. He has done things in my life that I couldn't even imagine for myself. Which is odd because my whole life i've been unsure about everything but when i look up i realize that i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be. I don't know how He got me here but I need to learn to trust Him more. My whole life i've been frightened of the future and making wrong decisions but some how He got me where i needed to be. I will lean on Jesus to guide me through the unknown darkness of the future.
Thank you Jesus for everything and keep guiding me on the path that you laid out for me before i was born.
Thank you Jesus for everything and keep guiding me on the path that you laid out for me before i was born.