cant sleep
I cant sleep, I have so much on my mind. Im sure if I turned the lights out and layed down I would pass out but I cant bring myself to doing that just yet. Time goes by so fast, things change so fast. I took a week off for this coming week. I am very excited about it because i have not had a real break since two summers ago, I was working everyday last summer and then when school started I did work and school. So it will be nice to take the week off. I want to do something though, but sadly i dont have any friends that really want to. They all have something else to do or some kind of witty excuse. Im sure i will find something to do. The good thing is I will be able to work out twice a day this week. When i wake up and at night, instead of waking up nad having to go straight to work. Man I am proud of myself. I really am so motivated to do this and I am doing well, really well. I am not stopping until i am happy with the results. If that means i do this for another month, two months that is fine. I think it will only take one more month though at the most if i keep up how I have been the past two weeks.
It sucks. when I start to get happy about one thing...something else is right around the corner to bring me down. It may not even be an intentional thing. It just always happens that way. I hung out with Ashli for a bit last night and the night before and we got to talking about towson together and thinking about all the fun things we did. Really the most fun I had was with her. Memories are awesome, we laughed at so many of them. It makes me realize how much I miss the school atmosphere. hanging out with friends until 4, and then just going down and up an elevator to get to your room to go to bed, going through a bathroom to get to other friends, I miss that. I am trying to really look at schools but I havent found any that are really appealing and when i do it seems too unrealistic. I dont even know where i want to go. Maybe Europe, maybe boston, maybe out west, i just dont know. Studying abroad would be quite fantastic although i dont know if i could be THAT far away from all of the people important to me. Then again. I cant just put my life on hold for a hope or for other people. Music is really an amazing thing. When im in a good mood, getting ready for something im looking forward to i listen to up beat shit that puts me in a better mood. And then when Im driving home and have a lot of time to think about things that make me sad, ill find a 80s love song on wink fm that will fit my mood, or when im upset at home with dried tears on my cheek i can listen to death cab, or the postal service or any of the other bands that fit my mood so well. I just listened to "we belong" by pat benetar. It made me want to cry a bit. Well Rilo kiley just started playing a song im not particularly in the mood to hear. So im going to end this entry that none of you will read because it is far too long and you all have far too many things to do.
It sucks. when I start to get happy about one thing...something else is right around the corner to bring me down. It may not even be an intentional thing. It just always happens that way. I hung out with Ashli for a bit last night and the night before and we got to talking about towson together and thinking about all the fun things we did. Really the most fun I had was with her. Memories are awesome, we laughed at so many of them. It makes me realize how much I miss the school atmosphere. hanging out with friends until 4, and then just going down and up an elevator to get to your room to go to bed, going through a bathroom to get to other friends, I miss that. I am trying to really look at schools but I havent found any that are really appealing and when i do it seems too unrealistic. I dont even know where i want to go. Maybe Europe, maybe boston, maybe out west, i just dont know. Studying abroad would be quite fantastic although i dont know if i could be THAT far away from all of the people important to me. Then again. I cant just put my life on hold for a hope or for other people. Music is really an amazing thing. When im in a good mood, getting ready for something im looking forward to i listen to up beat shit that puts me in a better mood. And then when Im driving home and have a lot of time to think about things that make me sad, ill find a 80s love song on wink fm that will fit my mood, or when im upset at home with dried tears on my cheek i can listen to death cab, or the postal service or any of the other bands that fit my mood so well. I just listened to "we belong" by pat benetar. It made me want to cry a bit. Well Rilo kiley just started playing a song im not particularly in the mood to hear. So im going to end this entry that none of you will read because it is far too long and you all have far too many things to do.