(no subject)
well i got a new phone...same number...my old phone was getting all wonky so i figured it was time to throw it away...i apologize if you called and i didn't get back to you...i probably just never got the call...
6 facts.
1. after i came home from europe i was so depressed that i didn't want to do anything anymore but go back...it was like walking through a fog...even my sight seemed cloudy.
2. when i was little i had my whole life planned out for myself. i was going to go to college i was going to get a good job and be financially stable. something happened along the way...i still want most of these things because it has been pounded into me that if i don't get an education that i will become homeless...but i just don't want to be miserable.
3. i do hate a lot of people. but i also have a huge guilt complex so a lot of the time i say those horrible mean things to people, i feel guilty about it later. but i also think that they deserve it and i wouldn't take any of it back.
4. there is something missing in my life. there is a hole that i try and fill up or forget about. i don't know yet what i am missing.
5. i used to think that i liked change and that i was low maintenance. the thing is that i don't like change at all if i could keep everything the way it was i would be much more happy. i really don't like surprises. i can just adjust to change really well. it took me a while to figure that out...the low maintenance thing i really am just a bunch of neurosis' all bunched up into a ball...i was just in denial.
6. denial...i live most of my life there. but i am a realist, pessimist and cynic. so my denial isn't a happy fantasy world its just missing some key things.
6 facts.
1. after i came home from europe i was so depressed that i didn't want to do anything anymore but go back...it was like walking through a fog...even my sight seemed cloudy.
2. when i was little i had my whole life planned out for myself. i was going to go to college i was going to get a good job and be financially stable. something happened along the way...i still want most of these things because it has been pounded into me that if i don't get an education that i will become homeless...but i just don't want to be miserable.
3. i do hate a lot of people. but i also have a huge guilt complex so a lot of the time i say those horrible mean things to people, i feel guilty about it later. but i also think that they deserve it and i wouldn't take any of it back.
4. there is something missing in my life. there is a hole that i try and fill up or forget about. i don't know yet what i am missing.
5. i used to think that i liked change and that i was low maintenance. the thing is that i don't like change at all if i could keep everything the way it was i would be much more happy. i really don't like surprises. i can just adjust to change really well. it took me a while to figure that out...the low maintenance thing i really am just a bunch of neurosis' all bunched up into a ball...i was just in denial.
6. denial...i live most of my life there. but i am a realist, pessimist and cynic. so my denial isn't a happy fantasy world its just missing some key things.