tyler's most awesome DJKATRAN party
to whom ever may not give a fuck,
tyler's party was incredible. i think it served its purpose perfectly and i really want at least tyler to know that we all appreciate his skinny white ass always being on the line for us to have a good time. i drank way too much at the party and i was waaaay to lonely/ horny. through my beer goggles though i think i realized a few important things. not that i can decifer them but basically i am understanding my previous girlfriend situation better and better everyday. i was incredibly horny at the party and bit many a fellow party gower. balancing a life of contemplation and hormones is a tricky business. junior year is a total bitch and necessitates loosing ones mind on the weekends.
i asked beth on a date the other day. it makes me think about how fun other peoples perceptions of events are. so to me i basically cant think about anything but erika as far as relationships. so i have lately been trying to surround myself with other girls to think about. this doesn't mean i am hitting on everything i see i am simply trying to talk to other people about other things. so i say, "beth we ought to go on a date" and she goes, "how about friends" ... what a let down, i don't want to be friends with you! a date doesn't mean i'm into you it means we should hang out some time and do something new (i dont think i had every ask a girl to have just one date before) but no this chick has to shoot me down. totally lame. its been quite funny at school though because sometimes i meet here eyes and its totally (aqward?) and i just crack the fuck up! i wonder how long i can entertain myself with this... school is really boring.
i would really like to see empire records.
two important things happened recently. i got in a fight with josh and erika and i broke up. i am fucking confused and stressed to no end trying to settle the latter but the former was i think very important. basically i can be an asshole and take stupid jokes too far, with most people this may be tolerated but it was very careless on my part to do such things with josh. i really enjoyed that he yelled at me though. i found it quite honest of him. it's a shame that honesty is more easily found in negative actions rather than loving ones. oh well i was a good thing of josh to do because it was exactly the sense i needed slapped into me. i feel as though i have sort of eliminated that part of my character for now. so far i haven't missed it but think about wipping out something like that from yourself overnight. it's quite scary. now if only i could be less aggressive with dana.
music is an amazing thing. i have been very stressed beginning school this year and the other day i sat down at the piano and just let my fingers drop upon it. since, i feel its safe to say i can play one song. i feel incredible coming home with the desire to play and instrument rather than a video game. its much more fullfilling. plus nobody plays the piano man its totally off the wall.
a couple weeks ago erika asked me a tough but very interesting question. she asked why i always talked about fighting people. to tell you the truth i could never just fight someone. my fists physically wont fly with true fury unless i believe it is a completely worthy cause. a completely worth cause is a very rare thing, i mean think about ghandi, he basically waged a war without one physical strike to his enemy. i am not sure why i cannot hit someone with anger. i speculate that my first interest in fighting was the art of judo. judo is defensive or soft, using the opponent energy to render him unable to attack. so this may be a reason for not wanting to initiate violence. i mean i love kung fu movies and the hero is always a serene man who hates violence but is compelled to defend those that he must. i don't mean to say i dont play rough though, i have hit dana a lot harder than i am comfortable admitting. i just feel this was due to imaturity and ignorance. if any serious harm came to dana i would then be truely violent.
simply about asking tough questions though i found it very interesting the way i initially reacted. especially considering the girl who asked me, i was very honest and quite interested in decifering the answer for myself. its funny though because it makes me want to reciprocate and ask a particularly tough question of her. what really makes me curious is to think of the way she would react. i see erika as someone who generally enjoys a strong sense of control and righteousness. wonder how she would answer a question of real importance and if i could possibly extract an honest answer rather than anger her. this leads me to the subject of communication, because everyone likes to have some sort of control and having the ability to talk deeply to people and leave their sense of control intact. i would love to master this art because i think its the best way to get honest answers. if you are asking important questions why be blunt and untact only to receive worthless answers.
despite her obnoxious behavior i find lucy hogan attractive.
i wonder if it actually makes a difference weather i suggest that readers comment at the end of journals or not. i would suppose not though i think the subject matter is probably more important. in light of that i will promise to deliver in my writings rather than my requests.
thanks for being a net loser just like me,
kyle... i suppose
PS i found a cool shirt in my dresser and i am wearing it tomorrow.
PPS i would like to say how truely happy my sign off makes me, the "... i suppose" part at least. this i will not explain though, it is your job to read into it. i am sure someone really contemplative will understand it, like Zander, or maybe he will just contemplate himself into thinking he understands it.
tyler's party was incredible. i think it served its purpose perfectly and i really want at least tyler to know that we all appreciate his skinny white ass always being on the line for us to have a good time. i drank way too much at the party and i was waaaay to lonely/ horny. through my beer goggles though i think i realized a few important things. not that i can decifer them but basically i am understanding my previous girlfriend situation better and better everyday. i was incredibly horny at the party and bit many a fellow party gower. balancing a life of contemplation and hormones is a tricky business. junior year is a total bitch and necessitates loosing ones mind on the weekends.
i asked beth on a date the other day. it makes me think about how fun other peoples perceptions of events are. so to me i basically cant think about anything but erika as far as relationships. so i have lately been trying to surround myself with other girls to think about. this doesn't mean i am hitting on everything i see i am simply trying to talk to other people about other things. so i say, "beth we ought to go on a date" and she goes, "how about friends" ... what a let down, i don't want to be friends with you! a date doesn't mean i'm into you it means we should hang out some time and do something new (i dont think i had every ask a girl to have just one date before) but no this chick has to shoot me down. totally lame. its been quite funny at school though because sometimes i meet here eyes and its totally (aqward?) and i just crack the fuck up! i wonder how long i can entertain myself with this... school is really boring.
i would really like to see empire records.
two important things happened recently. i got in a fight with josh and erika and i broke up. i am fucking confused and stressed to no end trying to settle the latter but the former was i think very important. basically i can be an asshole and take stupid jokes too far, with most people this may be tolerated but it was very careless on my part to do such things with josh. i really enjoyed that he yelled at me though. i found it quite honest of him. it's a shame that honesty is more easily found in negative actions rather than loving ones. oh well i was a good thing of josh to do because it was exactly the sense i needed slapped into me. i feel as though i have sort of eliminated that part of my character for now. so far i haven't missed it but think about wipping out something like that from yourself overnight. it's quite scary. now if only i could be less aggressive with dana.
music is an amazing thing. i have been very stressed beginning school this year and the other day i sat down at the piano and just let my fingers drop upon it. since, i feel its safe to say i can play one song. i feel incredible coming home with the desire to play and instrument rather than a video game. its much more fullfilling. plus nobody plays the piano man its totally off the wall.
a couple weeks ago erika asked me a tough but very interesting question. she asked why i always talked about fighting people. to tell you the truth i could never just fight someone. my fists physically wont fly with true fury unless i believe it is a completely worthy cause. a completely worth cause is a very rare thing, i mean think about ghandi, he basically waged a war without one physical strike to his enemy. i am not sure why i cannot hit someone with anger. i speculate that my first interest in fighting was the art of judo. judo is defensive or soft, using the opponent energy to render him unable to attack. so this may be a reason for not wanting to initiate violence. i mean i love kung fu movies and the hero is always a serene man who hates violence but is compelled to defend those that he must. i don't mean to say i dont play rough though, i have hit dana a lot harder than i am comfortable admitting. i just feel this was due to imaturity and ignorance. if any serious harm came to dana i would then be truely violent.
simply about asking tough questions though i found it very interesting the way i initially reacted. especially considering the girl who asked me, i was very honest and quite interested in decifering the answer for myself. its funny though because it makes me want to reciprocate and ask a particularly tough question of her. what really makes me curious is to think of the way she would react. i see erika as someone who generally enjoys a strong sense of control and righteousness. wonder how she would answer a question of real importance and if i could possibly extract an honest answer rather than anger her. this leads me to the subject of communication, because everyone likes to have some sort of control and having the ability to talk deeply to people and leave their sense of control intact. i would love to master this art because i think its the best way to get honest answers. if you are asking important questions why be blunt and untact only to receive worthless answers.
despite her obnoxious behavior i find lucy hogan attractive.
i wonder if it actually makes a difference weather i suggest that readers comment at the end of journals or not. i would suppose not though i think the subject matter is probably more important. in light of that i will promise to deliver in my writings rather than my requests.
thanks for being a net loser just like me,
kyle... i suppose
PS i found a cool shirt in my dresser and i am wearing it tomorrow.
PPS i would like to say how truely happy my sign off makes me, the "... i suppose" part at least. this i will not explain though, it is your job to read into it. i am sure someone really contemplative will understand it, like Zander, or maybe he will just contemplate himself into thinking he understands it.