i'm determined to let myself sink down.....

Jun 09, 2004 16:10


man oh man, where has the day gone? it is already 4:10pm....time flies when all you do is sleep and work....oh and drink yourself retarded. so looks like this weekend is going to be yet again, sober and uneventful. my schedule for work is as follows....Thursday 8-3am, Saturday 8-5am, and Sunday 4-12pm!!!! yay me! Well I suppose I could go out on Friday night....but I doubt there will be anything to do. I want nothing more than to sit with my friends, watch movies, or go to dodge park, or fucking just chill out and laugh until we cant breathe. I miss that shit.

someone should plan one of those.

and now for some self pity........

i hate that i cant listen to half of my favorite cds because it reminds me of you.
i hate that i cant sleep at night because all i do is think about you.
i hate that i cant be happy because the thing i need to make me happy, i cant have.
i hate that i need someone else to make me happy.
i hate that no matter how hard i try to get over everything, i just keep going back to square one.
i hate that i am now a loser.
i hate that i am now a total hypocrite.
i hate that no matter what you do to me, i will always take you back.
i hate that you always find a way to make me feel at fault.
i hate that my sense of self and the me i used to know is no more.
i hate that you said you would never do this to me, and you did it anways.
i hate that you broke my heart.
i hate that you don't care.

ok....enough of that. i have to find something recreational to do other than drink. and think. neither of them do me any justice. oh wait, i have an idea! eat! i have about three gallons of ice cream in the freezer with my name all over it!!!!
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