good times, bad times, you know i've got my share....
another sad moment in the life of jessica jeanne deutch....josh is leaving for atlanta first thing in the morning, so i had to say my goodbyes tonight. it seems like i've known him for so long. i mean, i spent like everyday with him. and everyday i spent with him was like a dream come true. i know that sounds kinda korny and you all are thinking, "wait, is this my jessica? who is this?" well, guess what, it is me still and let me tell you...i've grown so much over the summer thanks to him. he taught me how to make decisions based upon what i want and not what the guy wants (cuz i guess guys hate it when they know they're gf picked out an action flick just for the guy's amusement). he taught me to RELAX, which is sometimes a very hard thing for me to do. i get so stressed out, and i seem to put things into bigger porportions than they really are and i forget the simple things in life, like just being close to someone you love.
i can imagine how it must have felt for my sis and bro to witness my mom leaving. all your known happiness with that person just ends in a heartbeat, and all you can think about is "how can i make them stay?" and you learn very quickly that nothing you say or do will make them stay, which really puts a damper on all your memories of that person. it seems like every memory of that person, good or bad, makes you want to cry for what was lost and what can never be healed.
it seems like just yesterday i met josh, even way back to when he first started to work at giant. it's amazing how the mind remembers conversations from so long ago. i still remember the pivotal point in our soon-to-be relationship was a conversation he had with my dad when he went through his line. my dad was like, "so josh, are you gonna drive jessica home or what?" (you know my dad, he can be very direct at times). and josh is like, "what?!" *cowers into corner*. of course my dad kept insisting, and josh was kinda like, "yeah sure....whatever"....that was back in may...
from then, everything seemed to be going up,up,up for us.he would drive me home and sometimes drive me to work even though he wouldn't be working for several hours. and almost everytime i got a ride from him, i aksed him, "how can i repay?" and early in our relationship he would just shrug it off and say, "eh, whatever, it doesn't matter." but, what really made me realize how he really felt was when he said, "the pleasure of your company and beautiful face is enough for me." can you believe that! that must have been the most heartfelt statement i have ever heard from a guy who hung out with me.....that was in june...
and then came the traditional showing to a close friend for approval, and to see how the other one reacts with other people around. and like i said before, erin approved for the most part, and i saw josh's friend robby a couple times afterward, so i guess he liked me as well. and this was in our phase of "let's go out and go somewhere so we can be seen together". so we went to see some movies and stuff...that was in early july....
and of course to finish off the approvals, the family has to be involved. he met my dad and sis first, since they're a lot closer then his mom and dad. and they liked him. they liked having someone around other than just me to make fun of!!then i met his dearest grandma and aunt susie, who are so nice. i can tell where josh gets his manners from! and i heard through josh that they liked me. they were just so happy that he had someone to actually hang out with...poor guy. and then, more recently i met his mom and dad, who are totally awesome people. i will never forget the japenese dinner and the homemade dinner ala mom. it felt so nice to hug a mom who was almost just like my mom (garden, cooks, funny yet professional, hospitable, independent)....that was late july into mid-august....
and, the most saddest event of all..the goodbyes. on the way down from his mom's house tonight it was mostly silent (our friend kevin from giant was in the car with us). and it seemed like all i could think about at that moment was....that moment. my mind didn't wander like it usually does. i didn't think about past memories. i just thought about the present. isn't it funny how my mind works...at the beginning of our relationship i was thinking in terms of our future together,like what kind of things i would like to do with him. and then, for a split second in that relationship i think about the present, the unbearable agony of nothing...no memories, no feelings, nothing. and then, the worst for me especially...thinking about the past.....
i would like to make one thing clear about this whole entire experience. even if you didn't take time to read all of my babble, please read this:
if i had the choice to go back and and change things around, i wouldn't. even though i didn't do half the thngs i wanted to do this summer, it was still worth it to spend time with josh.even though my friends think i'm wierd and stupid for dating someone that old and for that short amount of time, it was still worth it to laugh with someone i love...no past tense on the love.
i can imagine how it must have felt for my sis and bro to witness my mom leaving. all your known happiness with that person just ends in a heartbeat, and all you can think about is "how can i make them stay?" and you learn very quickly that nothing you say or do will make them stay, which really puts a damper on all your memories of that person. it seems like every memory of that person, good or bad, makes you want to cry for what was lost and what can never be healed.
it seems like just yesterday i met josh, even way back to when he first started to work at giant. it's amazing how the mind remembers conversations from so long ago. i still remember the pivotal point in our soon-to-be relationship was a conversation he had with my dad when he went through his line. my dad was like, "so josh, are you gonna drive jessica home or what?" (you know my dad, he can be very direct at times). and josh is like, "what?!" *cowers into corner*. of course my dad kept insisting, and josh was kinda like, "yeah sure....whatever"....that was back in may...
from then, everything seemed to be going up,up,up for us.he would drive me home and sometimes drive me to work even though he wouldn't be working for several hours. and almost everytime i got a ride from him, i aksed him, "how can i repay?" and early in our relationship he would just shrug it off and say, "eh, whatever, it doesn't matter." but, what really made me realize how he really felt was when he said, "the pleasure of your company and beautiful face is enough for me." can you believe that! that must have been the most heartfelt statement i have ever heard from a guy who hung out with me.....that was in june...
and then came the traditional showing to a close friend for approval, and to see how the other one reacts with other people around. and like i said before, erin approved for the most part, and i saw josh's friend robby a couple times afterward, so i guess he liked me as well. and this was in our phase of "let's go out and go somewhere so we can be seen together". so we went to see some movies and stuff...that was in early july....
and of course to finish off the approvals, the family has to be involved. he met my dad and sis first, since they're a lot closer then his mom and dad. and they liked him. they liked having someone around other than just me to make fun of!!then i met his dearest grandma and aunt susie, who are so nice. i can tell where josh gets his manners from! and i heard through josh that they liked me. they were just so happy that he had someone to actually hang out with...poor guy. and then, more recently i met his mom and dad, who are totally awesome people. i will never forget the japenese dinner and the homemade dinner ala mom. it felt so nice to hug a mom who was almost just like my mom (garden, cooks, funny yet professional, hospitable, independent)....that was late july into mid-august....
and, the most saddest event of all..the goodbyes. on the way down from his mom's house tonight it was mostly silent (our friend kevin from giant was in the car with us). and it seemed like all i could think about at that moment was....that moment. my mind didn't wander like it usually does. i didn't think about past memories. i just thought about the present. isn't it funny how my mind works...at the beginning of our relationship i was thinking in terms of our future together,like what kind of things i would like to do with him. and then, for a split second in that relationship i think about the present, the unbearable agony of nothing...no memories, no feelings, nothing. and then, the worst for me especially...thinking about the past.....
i would like to make one thing clear about this whole entire experience. even if you didn't take time to read all of my babble, please read this:
if i had the choice to go back and and change things around, i wouldn't. even though i didn't do half the thngs i wanted to do this summer, it was still worth it to spend time with josh.even though my friends think i'm wierd and stupid for dating someone that old and for that short amount of time, it was still worth it to laugh with someone i love...no past tense on the love.