Its been a long time...
So, I've more or less disappeared off the livejournal radar as of late, and I don't really know what to say now that I've chosen to re-embrace the format.
I removed myself from livejournal because I found that, more often than not, I grew apart from the people that made this a safe and informative means of communicating all of my pointless anxiety and guilt. It made sense at the time, I'm not quite sure what makes sense right now.
I'm coming back to Raleigh. I was "laid off" from my prior means of employment and, well, Boone is an expensive town to try to make a home. I applied several places and was more or less forced to accept NCSU as the only reasonable transfer option. I hate it, really, but I have to deal with it. Its painful, really, I never had that much to think about when I was graduating high school... I only ever applied to three schools. It seemed easier then, but now the possibility of more gainful education has escaped me due to simple math.
Do you realize how much bullshit I've had to tread to get here? To finally admit to myself that I can and could mingle amongst some of our greatest intellectual assets only to be shot down by my inability to afford the education? I bawled, straight up bawled when I got the letter. I can't afford to go, and have more or less lied about my ability to get into NCSU to my parents. I figure if they picture me as the black sheep, perennial fuck up that I am, part-time school seems a whole lot less painful than asking them to foot the bill for x-tuition and y-living expenses. Admissions essays are my saving grace and the noose I hang my hopes from.
(P.S. Kyle, this means please please please don't tell Mum and Dad about this... also, I'm going to probably end up working at the same Caribou as you and, just so you know, Diane IS working there still and said *quote* 'wait, your sister told you to apply here? Because I was always under the impression that she hated me,' to which I responded 'well, my sister has a strong personality and tends to not play well with others.' I look forward to our mutual bitchfests)
I pray that things are better once I graduate.
I removed myself from livejournal because I found that, more often than not, I grew apart from the people that made this a safe and informative means of communicating all of my pointless anxiety and guilt. It made sense at the time, I'm not quite sure what makes sense right now.
I'm coming back to Raleigh. I was "laid off" from my prior means of employment and, well, Boone is an expensive town to try to make a home. I applied several places and was more or less forced to accept NCSU as the only reasonable transfer option. I hate it, really, but I have to deal with it. Its painful, really, I never had that much to think about when I was graduating high school... I only ever applied to three schools. It seemed easier then, but now the possibility of more gainful education has escaped me due to simple math.
Do you realize how much bullshit I've had to tread to get here? To finally admit to myself that I can and could mingle amongst some of our greatest intellectual assets only to be shot down by my inability to afford the education? I bawled, straight up bawled when I got the letter. I can't afford to go, and have more or less lied about my ability to get into NCSU to my parents. I figure if they picture me as the black sheep, perennial fuck up that I am, part-time school seems a whole lot less painful than asking them to foot the bill for x-tuition and y-living expenses. Admissions essays are my saving grace and the noose I hang my hopes from.
(P.S. Kyle, this means please please please don't tell Mum and Dad about this... also, I'm going to probably end up working at the same Caribou as you and, just so you know, Diane IS working there still and said *quote* 'wait, your sister told you to apply here? Because I was always under the impression that she hated me,' to which I responded 'well, my sister has a strong personality and tends to not play well with others.' I look forward to our mutual bitchfests)
I pray that things are better once I graduate.