These Inner Demons

Feb 22, 2009 09:11


"hindi ka na nagbablog."

the truth is, hindi na ako nag-iinternet. and that in fact, napakadalang ko nang buksan man lamang ang laptop ko.

that is why some of you don't know na in the second day of january this year, dalawang tao dear to me ang namatay.

na a week after i started noticing persistent pains sa back ko.

na ilang beses na akong pabalik balik sa kung sinu-sino nang doctor.

na inconclusive yung urinalysis, blood test at xrays ko.

na in between the follow up check ups, other joints started feeling weird, too.

na before february started, i started noticing my hair was falling off.

and that all of these symptoms persist to this day.

and that in between, i find myself in one way or another fucking up with something.

pero more often, other people fuck up and i get involved because it's my job to be.

it's my job to be stressed.

it's my job to deal with stupid people and having to make do with their stupidity because it takes up more energy trying to alter them.

meanwhile, it feels as if i've lost a limb.

the will to care and to think positive has been amputated.

i miss blogging.

i miss sound tripping. my mp3 player died the same day my friend and foster mother died.

i miss whining about the things i thought mattered and that it was crucial that a significant percentage of the world population knew about it.

or at least could potentially access it.

i can only laugh at the idea of it now.

although i miss it. the days na yun lang winoworry ko. na ang pagkabasted lang ang hinanakit ko.

whatever.

i'll cleanse myself of these inner demons. somehow. do me a favor and find the one in yours and do the same. i can only deal with one ignoramus at a time and that slot i've already occupied.

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