Function Dysfunction Malfunction
i just sobered up. i am in bad influence city when i'm at my mom's. at my stepdad's vices are their thing. they're like the lost sheep of the negligent shepherd. i shall not want. i'm sleepy.
i've been drinking a lot for three straight nights now. i think i'm embarassing myself in the process, but it's nothing much of a bother anymore. last night my stepdad invited me to drink with him, so we both drank one bottle of red horse each. apparently he was drunk prior to that. well, nagdrama siya, in short. he told me things i already knew and repressed, except that my mom has been hiding a certain discomfort sickness illness condition from me. like what the hell. i'm used to that. but what the hell. part of me is scared. most of me just wants to shut down from the rest of the world.
and what else? i don't really prefer my fosters' house from all this ruckus and boisterousness and ignorance so malignant in my mom's milieu. because they're fucking boring and uptight and they don't understand and care one bit. as long as i'm economically sustained, they think i'm fine. let's fuck to the death.
i'm tired of not wanting to be where i am. the future is bleak. oh well. i should stay positive. even if by being positive it only means that i should go retarded just so i be numbed and anaesthesized from the madness or ennui surrounding me.
being at the center is not at all a safe position. you're inclined to one side, and pressured to take a stand. centrists are major candidates for suicide.