Why do people have feelings?
It is annoying how you can try an convince yourself that you are over a crush on a certain person, and then when you meet them, you realize that you aren't..
I HATE IT!
Today.. I was sitting in the bus on my way home, when a guy comes in, that I once had "random-sex-because-you-were-both-drunk-and-attracted-to-each-other-which-could-have-lead-to-being-a-longer-one-night-stand-with-no-feelings-involved" but I was too nervous, and too conscious about the way I look, and I always cancelled when he asked me to come over.
He was and still is irresistible gorgeous I my eyes, half Vietnamese and not too thin or to fat or fit.
I did say hello, I did sound like, "hey-nice-to-see-you-you-look-good-and-i-totally-don't-care-that-you-have-a-gorgeous-asian-girlfriend-now" and I did look out of the window like it didn't matter, and we did just sit there not talking to each other, and I did only feel my heart beating and the smell of him creep into my nose and I didn’t try to stop it as the coward I am..
I had a plan to get off the bus sooner so that I could catch the next bus, but again, as the coward I am, I waited to the next stop to get off at the same time he got off. Not because he stopped there, but because I was might still able to catch that bus.
Now.. I hate myself for even being on the bus, for even liking him in the first place, for even making him stop trying to get me over, for even having sex with this.. this creature!
I hate that I can’t see how much my beautiful boyfriend loves me and how much I love him and just be done with the guy. And I hate that even though I try, I still can’t forget how he smells and how he tastes and how pretty he thought I was. And I hate that I can’t get over that one-night-stand-that-would-have-lead-to-more, so I wouldn’t have missed my bus.