O, Apostrophe!
I've been wondering for some time whether or not to write about school. I feel like there are things I need to say. Or at least things I'd like to work out on screen. But see, I really really really hate those people that complain about school even though they are straight A students. And even more so, I hate that I've kind of become one of those people. What I now realize is that the actual grades I have, I can't complain about. I started out being really really hard on myself, because I didn't make perfect grades right away, and because of the whole Nurse Anesthesia thing sort of riding on my success. But its just asinine, fretting over my grades, especially when other people are struggling or what have you. I'm proud of myself, I'm doing awesome. And I'm giving myself credit. But at the same time, I don't want to come off as a grade show-er off-er. But...it's strange. At first, nursing school felt hard. Too hard. And now it feels too easy. But maybe not even easy. I just find it weird that I studied and studied for tests a couple weeks ago and made marginal Bs (which I'm not complaining about) and then I procrastinated all Mardi Gras weekend and half-ass studied on Fat Tuesday and I come to make a 95 and a 100 on the two tests I took yesterday. What is with that?
And here's the other thing that...worries(that isn't the right word)me...I'm not good at the important stuff. I'm good at the book stuff. The stuff you can memorize stuff. I can tell you all about the cv and respiratory systems. I can tell you about congestive heart failure. I can tell you about inflammation and edema. But I'm not good with the hands-on stuff. Health Assessment (a class, which I hope is self-explanatory) is one of my least favorite. When practicing, I'm awkward and don't know what so say, or where to feel, or how to feel. I don't know what its supposed to feel like. I don't feel comfortable with it at all. My clinicals today were weird too. This morning I looked like a deer in headlights. I literally just stood in the hallway while everyone was busying around, feeling so lost. I didn't know where to start. I wanted to cry. I have trouble just jumping right in. I need a little hand holding. It did get easier, but all this leaves me wondering if nursing is really what I am supposed to do. The science I love, the care--well I haven't made up my mind.
I hope the skills, the hands-ons stuff will come, with practice and experience. At least for public safety's sake.
And here's the other thing that...worries(that isn't the right word)me...I'm not good at the important stuff. I'm good at the book stuff. The stuff you can memorize stuff. I can tell you all about the cv and respiratory systems. I can tell you about congestive heart failure. I can tell you about inflammation and edema. But I'm not good with the hands-on stuff. Health Assessment (a class, which I hope is self-explanatory) is one of my least favorite. When practicing, I'm awkward and don't know what so say, or where to feel, or how to feel. I don't know what its supposed to feel like. I don't feel comfortable with it at all. My clinicals today were weird too. This morning I looked like a deer in headlights. I literally just stood in the hallway while everyone was busying around, feeling so lost. I didn't know where to start. I wanted to cry. I have trouble just jumping right in. I need a little hand holding. It did get easier, but all this leaves me wondering if nursing is really what I am supposed to do. The science I love, the care--well I haven't made up my mind.
I hope the skills, the hands-ons stuff will come, with practice and experience. At least for public safety's sake.