Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?
Start Rant:::::
I am in the most atrocious mood. And I have been for the past couple of days. It seems like all I do is get up and to a place and sit there, when I don't want to be there. And be immensely bored. I get up. I go to work. I hate work already I think. Most of it consists of sitting in front of a computer because I rarely have to see patients. I hate sitting in front of a computer. My eyeballs hurt from it. I came home today and they were all watery and bloodshot. I have a fucking tension headache. And I have been so irritable that I want to bitchslap myself. I've snapped at everyone, my mom, the boy, myself. I'm getting angst about finals and school and what not. I'm not so much worried about my grades or anything. They are good really, but this fucking atmosphere of rush rush rush, cram cram cram, stress stress stress is really fucking getting to me. I've been permanently clinching my teeth so now my temperomandibular joint hurts. And to top it all off, I havent been getting good nights of sleep. I'll won't be able to fall asleep until very late, and then my sleep is fitfull and unresting. And I've been having these awful dreams, where I'm doing these bad mean things to people I love. And the worst part is that when I first wake up, I start to cry because I think I've actually done this stuff and a wave of guilt just rushes into me. It takes like 20 minutes to realize that it was just a dream. I'm so ready for this next week to be over. I hope this is just temporary. I hope there is no bigger problem. I just want to be able to exhale. Right now I feel like I can't breathe.
End Rant
I am in the most atrocious mood. And I have been for the past couple of days. It seems like all I do is get up and to a place and sit there, when I don't want to be there. And be immensely bored. I get up. I go to work. I hate work already I think. Most of it consists of sitting in front of a computer because I rarely have to see patients. I hate sitting in front of a computer. My eyeballs hurt from it. I came home today and they were all watery and bloodshot. I have a fucking tension headache. And I have been so irritable that I want to bitchslap myself. I've snapped at everyone, my mom, the boy, myself. I'm getting angst about finals and school and what not. I'm not so much worried about my grades or anything. They are good really, but this fucking atmosphere of rush rush rush, cram cram cram, stress stress stress is really fucking getting to me. I've been permanently clinching my teeth so now my temperomandibular joint hurts. And to top it all off, I havent been getting good nights of sleep. I'll won't be able to fall asleep until very late, and then my sleep is fitfull and unresting. And I've been having these awful dreams, where I'm doing these bad mean things to people I love. And the worst part is that when I first wake up, I start to cry because I think I've actually done this stuff and a wave of guilt just rushes into me. It takes like 20 minutes to realize that it was just a dream. I'm so ready for this next week to be over. I hope this is just temporary. I hope there is no bigger problem. I just want to be able to exhale. Right now I feel like I can't breathe.
End Rant