Wait a minute, I'm passing out win or lose. Just like you.

Oct 18, 2005 14:33

Have you ever thought about something or started thinking about something, and then realized you were thinking it and judged yourself, and then tried to make yourself stop thinking it? Do you ever find that your mind wanders into a territory too dangerous or too bad for you to let yourself continue thinking in that direction? Is that normal? Should you do that? Shouldn't you just LET your mind wander where it will, think what seems like a pertinent subject a the time, without interuption, without your better judgement saying "No, no Hillary. Those are poisonous thoughts. Lets move on to something more cheerful shall we?" Why do I censor my own personal preoccupations? Because maybe some more emotional part of my brain knows that if I continue it will only upset me. It will only cause agitation. It might lead to action that is undesirable(but dear God let me whisper it, inevitable?). What should be done? If I think about something for too long or start to fixate on it, I become consumed, obsessed. I analyze it to death and attach unreasonable and probably irrational anxieties and fears to it. But my mind did think it. It was in my subconscious. Maybe it should be addressed. I wouldn't have thought about it if it hadn't been at least somewhat...importatnt to me?...
Thinking about, have it seep into my mood, darkens me. And in some sadistic way I relish in the anxiety it creates. Now now Hillary, thats a little depressing. Lets dismiss this for something a little lighter shall we? OK Ok
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