Realizations about emotional stability
It has taken me so long to realize a particular mistake I made with regard to my relationships. The particular mistake wasn't one that was made during the relationships. I've made those without question, but the mistake that I have continued to make over and over is more of a post-relationship issue. I think the mistake is best expressed through advice to myself:
The person who just broke up with you can not be your confessor.
My exes, by and large, are wonderful people with myriad strengths and substantial emotional maturity. But when my eyes are raw from crying, when I've exhausted my mental stamina, and when every ounce of logic has been overwhelmed by regret and hopelessness, the one person who brings that back up to the surface is not the person I should unload to.
What a relief it is now to be in a relationship in which I have felt love and stability for the last four years! Given my tendency, though, for contingency planning, I've finally done the groundwork, after 29 years, to ensure that I have a network of supportive friends to whom I can simply say, "I'm sad." "I hurt." "I feel dead." "I need space." I also know that I can say nothing if necessary, though reticence has never been one of my salient qualities, and feel secure in my despair.
I wish I'd had this network 10 years ago. I wish I'd known how to positively leverage my relationships 10 years ago. I wish I'd planned as well for adversity 10 years ago. And I hope these talents remain with me in the future. They're helpful in every aspect of life.
The person who just broke up with you can not be your confessor.
My exes, by and large, are wonderful people with myriad strengths and substantial emotional maturity. But when my eyes are raw from crying, when I've exhausted my mental stamina, and when every ounce of logic has been overwhelmed by regret and hopelessness, the one person who brings that back up to the surface is not the person I should unload to.
What a relief it is now to be in a relationship in which I have felt love and stability for the last four years! Given my tendency, though, for contingency planning, I've finally done the groundwork, after 29 years, to ensure that I have a network of supportive friends to whom I can simply say, "I'm sad." "I hurt." "I feel dead." "I need space." I also know that I can say nothing if necessary, though reticence has never been one of my salient qualities, and feel secure in my despair.
I wish I'd had this network 10 years ago. I wish I'd known how to positively leverage my relationships 10 years ago. I wish I'd planned as well for adversity 10 years ago. And I hope these talents remain with me in the future. They're helpful in every aspect of life.