Really don't know
Been kinda in a funk lately. I've been trying to get out a lot - went to a tv taping starring seth green, went all the way to long beach for a volleyball game, have plans to go to an angels game, lots of parties coming up, been getting buff w/the bike and various machines in wooden, and going to see more volleyball of course. Something just kinda feels off. Its as if something is missing from my life, and without it nothing seems real or relevant. I've gotten really into homeslice's favorite TV show - the L word. Even if my life feels surreal, at least I can live vicariously thru a bunch of lesbians. Like everyone on the show, i've totally fallen for the androgynously gorgeous Shane. I've even taken to adopting her style everynow and then. I should look into leather pants and trim down to truly begin to do this girl justice. Although she is a bit too skinny looking at times ... whatever, I'd still let her take me home. I should be focusing more on school, but i just don't have the motivation. Things have been picking up though. I'm starting to feel a bit more alive. As always, I think music sums things up better than I ever could. Here's the lyrics to one of the songs I've got on repeat. There's a few others, but listening to the words, I realize one has a really great description:
Really don't know, really don't know
Just what's wrong
Feel like I don't belong
And I just can't get together
Today, anyway
Keep on rainin', more and more
Everyday
Yeah, in a wider sense
Yeah, in a wider sense
Keep on rainin'
Keep on rainin'
Everyday
Look to the sky, but the sky may fall
See thru' my eye, but my eye don't see at all
Keep on rainin'
Look to the sky, but the sky may fall
See thru' my eye, but my eye don't see at all
Keep on rainin', more and more
Everyday
Yeah, in a wider sense
Yeah, in a wider sense
Yeah, in the system
Every, every, every, every day
I think if i were to reach out my hand and pull hard enough, the facade of the world around me would fall down and whatever it is thats missing might be revealed on the other side.
Until things pick up i'll keep feigning happiness and silliness. If you go through the motions of something enough, it pretty much becomes reality. It's better than the alternative of letting this thing drain me away completely. Life is too short to waste it on negative emotions, especially when my life really is so amazingly wonderful and full of potential.
Really don't know, really don't know
Just what's wrong
Feel like I don't belong
And I just can't get together
Today, anyway
Keep on rainin', more and more
Everyday
Yeah, in a wider sense
Yeah, in a wider sense
Keep on rainin'
Keep on rainin'
Everyday
Look to the sky, but the sky may fall
See thru' my eye, but my eye don't see at all
Keep on rainin'
Look to the sky, but the sky may fall
See thru' my eye, but my eye don't see at all
Keep on rainin', more and more
Everyday
Yeah, in a wider sense
Yeah, in a wider sense
Yeah, in the system
Every, every, every, every day
I think if i were to reach out my hand and pull hard enough, the facade of the world around me would fall down and whatever it is thats missing might be revealed on the other side.
Until things pick up i'll keep feigning happiness and silliness. If you go through the motions of something enough, it pretty much becomes reality. It's better than the alternative of letting this thing drain me away completely. Life is too short to waste it on negative emotions, especially when my life really is so amazingly wonderful and full of potential.