"Give me a life without love and you give me a living hell."
Wow. So for the first time the fact that I have never had a boyfriend hit me in a completely different way. Before it was just for my sake. I don't have a boyfriend so I have never made-out with someone I loved, or went out on a date that just involved going for a long walk. It has prevented me from feeling the things that I need to feel, but these are all "me" things. Never before has it prevented some one from coming to me for help. Today I just found out that Zack wouldn't come to me if he had a problem with Aly because I haven't had a boyfriend and therefore don't know/understand and that hurt. Badly. Now suddenly this boyfriend deal isn't just an annoying inconvience, it's causing my little brother and who knows who else from coming to me with relationship problems. I can't descide whether to be mad or break down into tears. I feel like a computer that just got replaced by its upgrade. Am I really obsolete? Do people really think that the fact I don't and never have had a boyfriend prevent me from helping with a relationship gone haywire? It's not like I've never been in love. It's not like I'm incabable of having a relationship with a guy. Besides, I have fixed relationships before. I do give very helpful advice and people do come to me for help. But now that my brother tells me that I'm not the right "tool" for that job because I don't have and never have had a boyfriend, all those times have suddenly crumbled into dust. Maybe I'm over-reacting but I seriously almost started crying and I had to stop talking to Zack because I just felt I couldn't without yelling or breaking down into tears. Here I go again. Oh god. I really don't want to go to sleep now. I'm going to have some horrible dream probably about someone doing something and I won't be able to help them. Damn. I really wish I had a boyfriend, now suddenly not just for my sake and that makes it all the worse. I shouldn't want a boyfriend because of what it will get me in the eyes of others but because I fall in love with someone and want it to go there. *sigh* I think I'm going to go die now. (Not seriously. No panicing.) "Give me a life without love and you give me a living hell."