I wrote this on my myspace blog back in 3-10-2008...it suddenly applies all over again....
"I've never been so incredibly unhappy as I am right now.
To make this work, I must show her the good time I know we can have w/o complications. She'll bring back the complications someday...I know it. She loves me too much. We can't stand to be w/o each other for too long. I just need to show her that I've grown up finally. I need to show her that I can stand up to my mother and others and take charge. I hate this. I need to somehow find happiness and give her happiness so that I will have my true happiness back. I don't want to suck her up and take away her life. I want her to have her own life...I just want the end result to include me. I want to be the man who wins the race, her heart, and her hand. I was the first....I want to be the last. I want to have time to enjoy it in between as well. I know that is what she wants. She is convinced that being together is bad for us right now and not what we need. I need to prove to her that what she wants and I want is what we both need and deserve to have in life. And Forsooth! I shall!
I just wish I had someone to talk to about all this. I used to be able to tell Juli everything. I can't tell her this w/o hurting her though....but I have to say this or I hurt myself.
I know that deep down...she is strong enough. She will find the strength to stop denying what she wants and to make it happen. To work with me.
I thought I wasn't strong enough. I am. I will prove it. I will rebuild this relationship from the bottom up...a stairway to the heaven that was life w/ her before. A life before we let others get in the way of us.
Damn it, I am going to find a way to be happy. I am going to find a way to make both of us happy and I am going to be the guy who wins. I don't care how long it takes. I will regain the true happiness I had oh, so long ago. I will find that complete bliss. One day we will be both share that lovely blissfulness that we both shared....just being so happy together...in love together....taking life as it came....caring so much about each other....a love so complete...I will find it again. I wil find a way to get back there....to get us there. Somehow. It may take longer than "Friends"....but it will happen. Someday.
~Lee"
I love her...she blind-sided me with this "break-up for 3 months"...I mean yeah...some things seemed a little off with her & then at the Super Bowl she told me she wasn't happy & didn't feel like she wanted to date me exclusively anymore (ripped my heart out btw...and made me miss a score of the game I'd been waiting for since I was a kid - The Packers, back in the Super Bowl - double whammy....)...but then I tried to fix things and call her & have dates and all that week, but no response...she blew me off....and then on Friday the 11th, after making her a big dinner, she still breaks up w/ me ='(.
We've been together 5 & 1/2 years...just please give us a chance...work w/ me...we can find her happiness together & together w/ her, I will be happy ='(. I need her & I love her...I am incomplete without her. She always leaves me alone like this when I truly need her b/c she doesn't think I love her b/c I don't call her enough I guess. I swear..."I've changed." I'll do anything...I'll call every day & "write home everyday...and I'll send all my loving to you"...The Spirits did it all in one moment...they can do anything. I've seen my lonely future w/o you...give me the chance to make it right - I don't want to be the scrooge w/o the love of my life. Sure...the finances have not been right & my school hasn't been right to get married...but, if it could get her back...consequences be damned.
~Lee
To make this work, I must show her the good time I know we can have w/o complications. She'll bring back the complications someday...I know it. She loves me too much. We can't stand to be w/o each other for too long. I just need to show her that I've grown up finally. I need to show her that I can stand up to my mother and others and take charge. I hate this. I need to somehow find happiness and give her happiness so that I will have my true happiness back. I don't want to suck her up and take away her life. I want her to have her own life...I just want the end result to include me. I want to be the man who wins the race, her heart, and her hand. I was the first....I want to be the last. I want to have time to enjoy it in between as well. I know that is what she wants. She is convinced that being together is bad for us right now and not what we need. I need to prove to her that what she wants and I want is what we both need and deserve to have in life. And Forsooth! I shall!
I just wish I had someone to talk to about all this. I used to be able to tell Juli everything. I can't tell her this w/o hurting her though....but I have to say this or I hurt myself.
I know that deep down...she is strong enough. She will find the strength to stop denying what she wants and to make it happen. To work with me.
I thought I wasn't strong enough. I am. I will prove it. I will rebuild this relationship from the bottom up...a stairway to the heaven that was life w/ her before. A life before we let others get in the way of us.
Damn it, I am going to find a way to be happy. I am going to find a way to make both of us happy and I am going to be the guy who wins. I don't care how long it takes. I will regain the true happiness I had oh, so long ago. I will find that complete bliss. One day we will be both share that lovely blissfulness that we both shared....just being so happy together...in love together....taking life as it came....caring so much about each other....a love so complete...I will find it again. I wil find a way to get back there....to get us there. Somehow. It may take longer than "Friends"....but it will happen. Someday.
~Lee"
I love her...she blind-sided me with this "break-up for 3 months"...I mean yeah...some things seemed a little off with her & then at the Super Bowl she told me she wasn't happy & didn't feel like she wanted to date me exclusively anymore (ripped my heart out btw...and made me miss a score of the game I'd been waiting for since I was a kid - The Packers, back in the Super Bowl - double whammy....)...but then I tried to fix things and call her & have dates and all that week, but no response...she blew me off....and then on Friday the 11th, after making her a big dinner, she still breaks up w/ me ='(.
We've been together 5 & 1/2 years...just please give us a chance...work w/ me...we can find her happiness together & together w/ her, I will be happy ='(. I need her & I love her...I am incomplete without her. She always leaves me alone like this when I truly need her b/c she doesn't think I love her b/c I don't call her enough I guess. I swear..."I've changed." I'll do anything...I'll call every day & "write home everyday...and I'll send all my loving to you"...The Spirits did it all in one moment...they can do anything. I've seen my lonely future w/o you...give me the chance to make it right - I don't want to be the scrooge w/o the love of my life. Sure...the finances have not been right & my school hasn't been right to get married...but, if it could get her back...consequences be damned.
~Lee