sick of it.
I shouldn't feel like I have to convince or be convinced. I shouldn't feel confused or confusing and I shouldn't be with someone who is always confused but pretends like they're not... which just ends up causing more confusion in the end. For a long time I felt guilty and responsible, like it was my fault that there was confusion... but now I realize its no one's fault. There's no need to cling or to feel hurt or to try... Tommy said today that he thinks love is kind of like religion, either you believe in it or you don't and if you believe in it and put all of your faith and trust in it, then it's real... but if you doubt it, then it just doesn't exist for you. I think thats the best definition of love I've heard so far. Last night Rob and I had the whole "what is love" conversation... I guess it's pretty bad when that kind of conversation starts out beautiful and amazing and ends with mutual feelings of being hurt and confused. I am going crazy and getting sick because I'm working all the time and not ever sleeping. I can't fall asleep at night and my throat hurts. my ears and head hurts too and my eyes sting. But it's just gotten to the point where those things don't even really bother me... it's just kind of like, "yeah, whatever they're there... I'll deal with it." It kind of feels like that with everything in my life right now. Except maybe a couple of my friends. This relationship is literally draining me of everything I have... even my health and sanity. It just shouldn't be that way... It just shouldn't.