(Untitled)

[juhi_saraf]

Week Name/Date/Time: 'Countdown to Darkness' / Sunday, October 23rd / 9:45 a.m.
Location: Owlery
Open To: Erik Cohen
Currently Involving: Ninju, Skippy, OWLS!

Comments

[erikcohen]

If Erik had known what Juhi was thinking, he'd not even hesistate to say that it was worse hearing Nik's voice. It only made Erik miss Nikolaus more, and there were certain nights where Nik was the one muttering crucio and torturing Erik in that empty corridor. His brain was either malfunctioning, or it was his way of visualising his pain over Nik's death. It didn't matter which it was, it still hurt more.

He shook his head from side to side, not to say 'no', but to agree that he was in no way stupid. Not all the time, anyway. Phillip had been right, and while Erik wished he could give Phil most of the credit, it was really Erik that had decided what he wanted to do. He wanted to tell Juhi, and so he did.

He was going to tell her he knew that she loved him, but she wasn't finished. He kept his mouth closed, but his eyes searched hers for some sort of enlightenment. Finally she was speaking again, and he was listening more closely than ever.

He readily accepted her hug, holding on to her as tight as he could, and moving his hand up and down her back to try and put her mind at ease. He wasn't planning on going anywhere.

"I have never thought you were stupid, Juhi Saraf. I try and tell you everything I can, which is somewhat frightening... just.. telling you everything, but I swear to you I'm doing my best. I'm too selfish to pull away, even if I worry. I love you," Erik told her, sighing with relief.

It was good to have this talk. Except now he was going to have to tell her about Wes, and he hated to have to admit to his stupidity regarding the situation.

"I heard Wes, Ninju. He said he... enjoyed it. He enjoyed using crucio on me. And while that's not entirely surprising, it worried me, you know? To me it meant that he wouldn't hesitate to do it again," Erik told her, pulling away so he could look her in the eye.

"And I ran into him....that same afternoon, and it didn't go so well," Erik confessed, closing his eyes.

It didn't go well at all.

[juhi_saraf]

Juhi clung back to Erik with all her might, and flinched a little at his next statement. "I know you don't think I'm stupid, Skippy. That's not what I meant, sorry." She snuggled into his neck a little. His sigh seemed to pass through her, almost, and she relaxed marginally. "I appreciate you telling me everything. You aren't selfish, either. You're smart. You think I'd just back off and let you alone?"

And now they were back to the howlers. Juhi lightly kissed Erik's neck, but it didn't last long. As he described what he had heard, a huge and undeniable wave of anger flooded through her.

WESLEY BRODERICK. Why had this happened?! Erik had been through enough, hadn't he?! And things were STILL not completely resolved, and now this was added to it, and how could he be expected to get over it with something like THAT flung in his face?!

Juhi was so unbelievably mad that for a moment that she didn't even notice Erik had pulled away from her. When he started speaking she blinked and focused on him, her expression changing to one of sympathy.

"Oh," she said, her voice cracking a bit. She cleared her throat. "Oh no, you ran into him? What, uhm. What happened?" She fought down the rising panic. He WAS okay, wasn't he? Her eyes raked him quickly up and down. He LOOKED okay...

[erikcohen]

No, Erik didn't think Juhi would ever leave him alone. And for that, he was more grateful than he could possibly express. Sometimes he just worried that what he offered wasn't enough for her. He assumed, however, that it was just the way relationships were. Love someone enough and you think they deserve more.

"Not a lot of hexes, no unforgiveables this time. But Juhi? I tackled him. More than once. And there was a lot of yelling, and he acted as if nothing of importance had happened. He mocked my brother's death, he... he's insufferable! He's trying to play mind games with me, Ninju. He thinks he's got some sort of control over me," He explained, anger flashing in his eyes.

One of these days, he was going to see the last of Wesley Broderick. Whether it be through the death of himself, or something much more satisfactory. It would happen.

[juhi_saraf]

Not a lot of hexes, no unforgiveables. Ah. That explained why he at least looked okay, then. The rest of Erik's description followed in something of rush, and it took Juhi several seconds to process it all.

"He is insufferable," she responded automatically, and in something of a monotone. "That's putting it NICELY, actually. He is a poor excuse for a sentient being." Juhi had really been of the opinion that Wes would most likely leave Erik alone now; after all, Nik HAD turned up murdered, what more would the Slytherin need to do? And the fact that Wes had mocked it? Not at all surprising, really. Horrifying, but not at all surprising.

Juhi looked at Erik hesitantly; she rarely saw him ACTUALLY angry. She grabbed one of his hands and stepped toward him. "Why...why did you tackle him?" The expression on her face was almost pleading now. Juhi was not a coward, and she admired courage and bravery IMMENSELY in others. She would never expect Erik to ignore Wes, but she was terrified that he hadn't been able to control himself. Perhaps it had been a poor choice, perhaps not, but she was searching his face for some sort of sign that it had at least been a conscious choice.

As for what she thought of the rest of it...well, she wasn't touching that, yet. If Wes thought he could control Erik, that could work to Erik's advantage somehow, surely. But then, Juhi also thought it would be very easy for Wes to actually HAVE some sort of control over Erik. Any time you felt strongly about someone, in one way or the other, you automatically made yourself more susceptible to manipulation. But Erik was smart, and Juhi had complete faith in him.

Erik was also angry. Wes, probably, was not.

[erikcohen]

When Juhi asked why Erik tackled Wes, she seemed as if it were the most important question in the world. That stopped Erik from answering 'because he's a git', and instead made him brush some hair out of her face affectionately.

"I wish I could give you a clear answer, but I'm not sure. I was angry, and I didn't want to hex him, and I just... tackled him. The second time was to get him out of the corridor because I didn't want to hold back and it was stupid Juhi and I'm sorry," Erik said very quickly and turned from her.

He thought of her and everyone else and he just wanted to do something. Erik acted on instinct, it was who he was. So if sometimes that instinct made him a complete prat, that was just something he had to accept.

"He said he's done with me, Juhi. I might not have to worry anymore, not about myself anyway," Erik reassured her with a weak smile.

He had no way of knowing then he was wrong.

[juhi_saraf]

Thank goodness Erik touched her. As he brushed her hair out of her face Juhi tried to relax; he was here and he was explaining, right? And whatever had happened had already happened. It was done. She closed her eyes for a moment when his hand was near her face, and opened them to look at him and listen.

He had pushed Wes out of the corridor so he wouldn't have to hold back?!?!?! Juhi took a breath and tried to collect herself when Erik turned away. It was okay. He was okay; move past it. She couldn't say anything yet, though, so she was glad when Erik started speaking again, even though what he said made her even more uneasy.

Juhi stepped toward him. She took one of Erik's hand in hers, and vaguely wished she didn't have gloves on; but it would be awkward to take them off, now. She did not return his smile.

Her face was a picture of doubt, but when she spoke there was no accusation in her tone. She was simply asking for clarification. "So, you initiated it? And even if you didn't, you at least...tackled him out of the corridor so no one would interrupt you, oh bloody hell." She took a deep breath, and rubbed her forehead and eyes with her other hand.

And now...whatever had actually happened, Wesley Broderick was simply done? She'd thought he was done after the Crucio, after an excuse to be the bully in a bigger way than he'd ever had had presented itself. And now Erik had attacked him, had not really been punished for it in any way, and Wes was going to walk away?

She DEFINITELY did not return his smile. "I wish you wouldn't go anywhere alone," she heard herself saying, not even aware she'd THOUGHT it.

[erikcohen]

Erik felt nothing but guilt in the pit of his stomach. It did sound a lot worse when she stated it back to him. He opened his mouth to explain, shut it, and rubbed the back of his neck. There really was no good excuse.

"I'm sorry. I'm just... I was angry and I was afraid and Phil was saying we needed to do something and I just wasn't thinking," Erik apologized and bit his lip.

He sounded so stupid. He really did, but he didn't know what else to say.

Erik had his doubts about Wes as well, especially considering the older boy liked to manipulate. But as much as Erik told others to walk in groups and never be alone, he hated having to follow that himself. It almost felt as if he were letting Wes win. He was letting Wes control what he did and... well, it was a stupid way of thinking, but Erik couldn't change who he was overnight.

"I love you. I really really love you, I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I'm... I'm just sorry," Erik muttered, and looked down at his feet.

This was hard, and not so hard at the same time. He knew he couldn't promise her he wouldn't fight with Wes, but it seemed as if it weren't fair to her if he did get in trouble with Wes again. He made the decision that he was not going to be the one to initiate fights.

That would have to be enough.

[juhi_saraf]

Juhi swallowed, and snapped a bit more back to the present as she watched Erik struggle to come up with something to say. Her stomach sank to somewhere in the vicinity of her toes. She'd made him feel worse, and she wasn't sure if she'd ever forgive herself for that.

"Erik, just STOP!" It came out louder than she intended, and she quickly lowered her voice. "Stop apologizing. Please." She was definitely pleading, this time. Juhi dropped his hand, and put both of hers on his shoulders. He was looking down, and she leaned foward to rest her forehead against his.

"Skippy, angry and afraid and feeling like you have to do something I completely understand. But you are a smart boy. PLEASE use it. You have to think. You have to." She stepped closer, folding her arms around his neck.

Juhi pulled her forehead away, and waited until he looked at her. "Please?"

[erikcohen]

She didn't want him to apologize? Well, he supposed he could understand that, but he couldn't help it. He was sorry for not thinking, and apparently that's what she wanted from him. She wanted him to think. Bloody hell, he was trying.

He slowly exhaled as she put her arms around his neck. She said 'please' one more time as his eyes met her and he felt the urge to just... scream. Scream and let out all his frustration. It wasn't fair at all.

Most couples had to deal with not being sure of how the other one felt. They were busy talking about dates and being silly. Erik and Juhi had no trouble expressing how they felt. Instead they were faced with what would happen in the near future, and all the danger that Erik had somehow been placed in.

He was only 15 years old. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

"I'm trying, Ninju. I can't make you any promises because I honestly don't know what's going to happen, but I swear to you that I'm trying. I'm all instinct, you have to understand that about me. But I'm going to use my brain. I'm not going to let them get me," Erik reassured her.

Who 'they' were, he wasn't sure. Perhaps he meant just Wes, maybe the Death Eaters, maybe life, but he meant what he said. Erik Cohen was a fighter, a lion.

He held her head in his hands for a moment before kissing her gently. That never failed to get his point across.

[juhi_saraf]

Juhi let out a shakey breath. MERLIN, this was all so frustrating. And unfair. She addressed Erik, her voice low. "I know you're trying, Skippy. And I know you won't LET anyone do anything to you. That's...I don't know. That's why I asked you not to apologize. If you're doing what you can and what you should do...I don't want you to feel bad. Especially not because of me."

She waited for a beat, and blinked her eyes quickly a few times before continuing. She felt she could add that to the list of frustrations happening in the past month and a half; how much more often she felt like crying, and how ANNOYING that was. It didn't solve a bloody thing, but her voice was steady now. "You don't have to promise me anything, ever. I didn't ask you to, and I don't want you to. I TRUST you, Erik. I think...well. I've thought from the beginning of all this, before us even, that if anyone could handle this it's you. But that doesn't mean I'm not mad that you have to, or frustrated that you would have me be so careful when you aren't even bothering to keep someone with you." She stopped and looked down briefly.

When she raised her head again, she looked him squarely in the eye. "And it doesn't mean I'm not scared, and you KNOW I'll worry. But I know you understand all that, because if the situation were reversed you'd feel like I do now."

He was holding her head in his hands. "I love you." It seemed so...inadequate, somehow. She was almost afraid he wouldn't believe her, or understand, which wasn't fair, and she knew it.

She returned his kiss, and was surprised and slightly annoyed to find that she had to force herself to not just latch onto him. It WAS only morning, after all. Though she wasn't sure how that made sense. He kissed her gently, so she kissed him back gently.

"That's not a fair way to make a point," she informed him. Effective, though. She actually smiled a little at that thought.

[erikcohen]

If the situation were reversed, Erik would still be as mental as he was now. He'd probably not have nightmares, but he'd be up half the night worried that Juhi was having them. When he thought of that, what he must be putting Juhi through, he shuddered. But... well, there was no doubt in his mind now that she loved him. She had to, in order to put up with all that she did.

He smiled when she told him it wasn't a fair way to make a point. In his opinion, it was the best way to make a point.

"I love you too," Erik said with a small laugh, making sure to look her straight in the eye.

It wan't enough to express anything, really, but those were the only words he had.

And, well, Erik didn't worry about things like it being morning. In fact, he just thought of it as waking himself up in the most enjoyable way possible. He kissed Juhi again, this time applying a bit more pressure and resting his hand on her waist.

[juhi_saraf]

When Erik gave a small laugh Juhi's smile stretched out and became more genuine. It was as if moving those muscles triggered a release for the rest of her body, and she felt tension drain out of her shoulders and back, all of her relaxing. They DID love each other, yeah? And even if they couldn't ignore everything else, and no matter HOW bad everything else was, that was still important.

Important enough that she could be happy about it. Without feeling guilty. Okay, so she was still working on that part. She was happier for now, anyway.

She was wondering, but in a slightly distracted way, if it were a bad thing that all Erik had to do was smile and her mood automatically shifted, when he leaned toward her again. He used more pressure this time, and she matched him for a few moments.

Then she gave up - surely Erik wouldn't MIND, after all - and inched even closer to him. The past few minutes had been something of a roller coaster or rather intense emotions, and really, it WAS an effective way to make a point. Juhi started the next kiss, and she didn't bother holding anything back from him.