I guess i should just say it..............

[hidingwhileicry]

I've been looking for a place to express this. been looking for a place to tell someone, been looking for a place to just express myself and not have to worry about me covering my own ass. god, i wish that i could have you, i wish that i could call you my own. i had you once before but we were young back then, it didnt mean anything. you complain on how you cant keep your girlfriends or anything of that sort, but yet you've never lost me. i told you that before, i told you in December. that was the day that you kissed me, that was the day that i realized how much i liked you, and how much that i wish that i could call you my own. i've had this attraction for you since the third grade, how sad is that? now this attraction seems to be getting worse, but yet i have to hide it because i'm taken, i'm engaged (tells everyone to hush), i'm in love, you know the happy go lucky stuff that everyone wishes to have a keep. i have it, always had it, but yet, it just wont be the same because i dont have you. i dont have that person to say how much i've had this attraction for, i just dont have it. of course that i love the one that i have, of course that i love him, i truly love him. shit i gave myself to him so of course i love him. i wouldnt give myself to anyone, he means something to me, but you mean so much more. i hate to say this since i am engaged, but i just have to tell someone or something. i just cant keep this in anymore. the night that you kissed me, omg, i just want more. i wish that i could express myself in my other journal, but i cant take the risk of someone finding and taking to the extreme.

i guess that i should continue on with this. i hate it on how i just get so confused in my feelings that i dont know which is right and which is wrong. of course i'm always going to go to him because hes like my brother, hes the one who makes me the happiest when i'm sad. sometimes hes the only one who i want to be with. but yet when i come back to you, i know that i love you, no questions asked. i know how much that we are just suppose to be together. i know how much that i need you and you need me. i seem so confused, *screams* what do you guys think? confusing isnt it? i thought so too. i guess i should shut my mouth now, since i prolly said too much.

talk to ya some other time. Te Amo!